Mushka,
It is a poignant and beautifully haunting story of love.
BUT, as I told Neil (aka Space Monkey) after reading the original Best Friends Play Hard, Suicide is so Alien to my psyche I have a very hard time accepting it from anyone.
I'm afraid I have to agree with JackFTwist -- Suicide is both a coward's way out AND an extremely cruel thing to do to those you love who you left behind. Paul did no disservice to Chris. He was always there for him to the extent of his abilities - perhaps beyond.
Look at Paul's reaction - he honored Chris in death to his dying day. How much hurt and sorrow Chris' suicide caused him to carry around his entire adult life.
Yes, Paul was a fantastic friend to Chris forever. Oh that Chris had had the stones to look in the mirror and accept the limitations of their love for each other.
I went through a severe bout of Manic Depression w/ OCD complications that cost me a good friendship many years ago. My mind took me places I never should have gone, in vivid technicolor, taste, texture, and smell.
It took me YEARS to get past the damage I'd done and the destroyed friendship - I still mourn it when I stop to think about it at times like this BUT, even at the bottom of my deepest trench of despair, I NEVER contemplated suicide.
It is an anathema to me. It is a horrible, easy way out, that leaves those left behind reeling.
As poignant as this story is, Suicide such as this should not be glorified - it can be too seductive to other people in a similar situation who remember the romance of the story, and miss the untold, unbearable Agony of those left behind --
AND, if you're going to commit suicide, you'd better make DAMNED sure you do it "Right" the First Fucking Time, because, if you don't, you might wind up a vegetable and a burden to those people you love for the rest of your unnatural life! It might not matter to you - your cognitive brain functions may be gone, but it will be a HUGE emotional AND financial burden on those you leave behind.
It's too easy to screw up killing yourself.
God put us all here for a purpose. There may be times when it seems there's no point in going on. Don't believe THAT for an instant. He won't give you a burden that's harder than you can bear, even though it might seem that way at the time.
When you are challenged, fight back. It may take a long time, but the battle will leave you stronger, healthier, better able to see the good in the world and yourself! Remember, God's ways are not our ways. We don't know what purpose HE has for us, but we have to be open to being His servant, no matter what the world has thrown at us, what we have thrown at ourselves or, what some so called men of the cloth may misproclaim as His word.
I try not to push my beliefs on others, and I have made a point of raising my kids to learn more about and be tolerant of other religions and belief systems.
Virtually all of them abhor suicide, with the possible exception of Seppuku as influenced by Buddhism. I realize you are of Asian descent, and these belief systems may be a part of your upbringing. There are many noble things in the Samurai Code and in the aspects of Buddhism. I can't support their acceptance or demand for suicide, under any circumstances. It is one thing to sacrifice your life in the attempt to protect others; it is wholly another matter to take your own life to avoid a life of disgrace.
I think you can see how powerfully written your story was by my extreme reaction to it. You have great talent, and I look forward to other writings you present to us. I only hope they don't provide for suicide as a poignant ending.
