My boyfriend cheated on me...what should i do

[tommojonno]

i've been with my partner for nearly 2 years now, and the other night he made a strange excuse to go out by himself which i thought was a little wierd, but i didn't think anything of it...a couple nights later he goes out again so i get a little suspicious so i decide to read his chat history and he was cruising for sex and ironically found someone willing. My parter is on the larger side of life and i didn't think that many people would really be into him besides me. anyway i sort of put it past me as when i go to the gym i always check out other guys and might have the occasional wank opposite the showers, but i always tell him when i do, and he even gets a little turned on by some of the things i describe.

So i kinda think that even though he went out for sex i wasn't too concerned...but i keep checking his chat history with this person and he keeps saying he wants to hang out with with this guy all the time like if he ever wants to just chill or watch a movie give him a cal...a couple of days later my parter said how he never felt a cock like his and that he loved it when he fucked him...i'm terrafied that it is now just more then sex and i can't stop thinking about it. i've been hurting for nearly 2 weeks now and i just have to know. the worst part we even just booked a holiday a couple days after i found out....

Anyway i just want to know how i should confront him about it, i'm fine with an open relationship if it just sex but i just want to get him to talk about it. i'm just hurting so much, i asked him before if he gave someone a blowjob one night cause he smelt an awful lot like cock and even just look like he had sex, but he denied it of course...i just want to tell my friends but out of respect for him i haven't told anyone..i just have to get it off my chest but i don't know how...its effecting me all day at work and i don't know how much more i can take

I should say that i'm 20 and he's 28 and its both our first real relationship, and i love him so much and never want to lose him, he even moved to my state and we got a house together but its just hurting to keep this in for much longer

 

[Just_Believe18]

You need to be honest with yourself.

You are not fine with an open relationship.

You are constantly checking his chat history, trying to find out when he has sex with someone. He didn't talk to you about this, he just went out and did it. He cheated on you, and you're letting him walk all over you.

He's no good. Cancel the trip and dump him. There's no need to torture yourself like this. Furthermore, you don't know the sexual health of this guy he's cheating on you with. He could have an STD or be HIV+. You don't know if they're wearing protection. If your boyfriend is smelling like sex and lying to you now, there's not a thing he says that you can trust.

 

[rareboy]

Well, your feelings of despair and betrayal are very valid and everyone should sympathize with you. Thank goodness, you finally thought to check his chat history now. Obviously he was hiding something.

And it isn't as though the stories you told your lover about cruising the showers or wanking at the gym could in any way be construed as meaning that you were apparently looking outside of your relationship with him for a quick fuck with some total stranger if it happened to come your way. And as you say, if he's on the tubby side, he's lucky that you find him appealing at all.

But I think that you have to recognize that his behaviour is totally acceptable too. It is just who he is at this time in his life. Others will go on about what a bad person he is, but there isn't really good or bad in this case.

So you need to tell him that you have failed him somehow in your relationship and want to rebuild the trust and love that brought you together in the first place. That is, if you want to.

If you don't you just have to realize that your entire relationship is a failure and make plans to move out as soon as possible. Or ask him if he would like to move out.

Maybe you should just ask him if he would like to move to an open relationship. If he says yes, then you have two choices. If he says no, then you have two choices.

But whatever choice you make, it will be the right one, because you are the only one who can make the choice and do what is best for you.

 

[tommojonno]

he always use to roam manhunt, squirt etc...but so did i so i thought nothing of it and we'd even do it together for the lols. i just suppose when you start giving out phone numbers and addresses in chat history is when it gets serious and it hurts.....the sad thing is i still want to be together. if we did break up, he'd be the one moving out as this is my place...i'd just sadly have to find someone else to move in to help with the rent, and i don't think i'd be ready to share my life with anyone else at the moment.....i just don't know how to start the conversation up, i suppose i'm nervous of the results

 

[Lefty]

in mr pragmatics' personal opinion:

a. fat boy dumped the relationship in the toilet

b. insecure boy doesn't trust him

c. fat boy is still slinking around

d. insecure boy is violating fat boys privacy so compounding his distrust and building a lot of resentment

this said, insecure boy needs to evaluate the total lpicture and decide if trying the mr tidy bowl approach (talk not yell it over) and see if a good scrubbing will resolve the dilemma or if just flushing the toilet is the right answer.

personally, i'd flush and take a friend on the trip to sanitize the bathroom thereby opening up for a new relationship...again, thats personal opinion and with $5.00 it will get you a cup at starbucks.

 

[KaraBulut]

You need to talk with him.

Here's the thing- you're in a relationship that doesn't have clear rules about playing around on the side.

You've been doing your thing at the gym.

You've both been 'troling the chat rooms for fun.

Now he's done his thing and you're threatened by it.

Before you do anything, be clear on what you want. A word of warning though- if you want to have a little non-commital play on the side, he's going to want some too.

And you need to do some soul-searching about whether you're secure enough to have your guy in the chat rooms and leaving late at night for a little action when you're not invited along.

 

[genthree]

you must talk it through,relationships have rough spots and a frank and open discussion will help the relationship endure.
PS use spell check

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Cheat back.

 

[TX-Beau]

i've been with my partner for nearly 2 years now, and the other night he made a strange excuse to go out by himself which i thought was a little wierd, but i didn't think anything of it...a couple nights later he goes out again so i get a little suspicious so i decide to read his chat history and he was cruising for sex and ironically found someone willing. My parter is on the larger side of life and i didn't think that many people would really be into him besides me. anyway i sort of put it past me as when i go to the gym i always check out other guys and might have the occasional wank opposite the showers, but i always tell him when i do, and he even gets a little turned on by some of the things i describe.

So i kinda think that even though he went out for sex i wasn't too concerned...but i keep checking his chat history with this person and he keeps saying he wants to hang out with with this guy all the time like if he ever wants to just chill or watch a movie give him a cal...a couple of days later my parter said how he never felt a cock like his and that he loved it when he fucked him...i'm terrafied that it is now just more then sex and i can't stop thinking about it. i've been hurting for nearly 2 weeks now and i just have to know. the worst part we even just booked a holiday a couple days after i found out....

Anyway i just want to know how i should confront him about it, i'm fine with an open relationship if it just sex but i just want to get him to talk about it. i'm just hurting so much, i asked him before if he gave someone a blowjob one night cause he smelt an awful lot like cock and even just look like he had sex, but he denied it of course...i just want to tell my friends but out of respect for him i haven't told anyone..i just have to get it off my chest but i don't know how...its effecting me all day at work and i don't know how much more i can take

I should say that i'm 20 and he's 28 and its both our first real relationship, and i love him so much and never want to lose him, he even moved to my state and we got a house together but its just hurting to keep this in for much longer

Well, it’s been my experience that open relationships take a mountain of self confidence, maturity, and trust from both sides. You have to be confident enough in yourself that you don’t obsess that he’s going to leave you, you have to be able to separate out sex and emotions, and you have to be able to trust that your guy isn’t going to engage in risky behavior.

Is that your relationship? If you didn’t have an agreement to have an open relationship in the first place, then it’s cheating. I may be OK with the sex, but I wouldn’t be OK with the lying, the sneaking around, and the violation of trust.

I understand why you went into his personal correspondence, and can sympathize, but you needed to confront him after the first time. Continued spying on him isn’t helping you, and it’ll just give him ammunition when you do confront him. Unless he gave you permission to look at his chat logs.

If you “love him so much you don’t want to lose him,” I’m not sure that there’s anything we can say in here that’s going to register much. Love isn’t enough. You also need trust and consideration, compatibility and friendship. You’re only 20 – no offense – but that’s really young, and you started dating this guy when you were what, 18. If you leave or he walks, you have all the time in the world to find someone else. Just because you feel the way you do now, doesn’t mean you’ll never feel that way again. You will. Hopefully about someone who’s not a lyin’, cheatin’ ho.

 

[tommojonno]

i realise i'm only young, but i must say i really enjoy what we did have.I tried talking to him about it this morning but he said" it's just some guy on the internet" and then i said i know you've had sex and he was like no i haven't...i told him i loved him and i just wanted to talk about it saying i was mad at all, i even asked him if he wanted an open relationship. But he just brushed it all off saying nothing happened so there is nothing to talk about it.

And i haven't heard a word since. I know by the time he'll go to work he'll message me and ask me if this is what i really want do you want to break up blah blah blah....all i want to do is talk about it. i'm taking today off work as i don't think i can face going in like this

 

[Just_Believe18]

^ You tried to open the line of communication. He cowardly shut you down by continuing to lie. This won't work.

Dump him. You've given him plenty of chances at this point.

 

[hotatlboi]

^ You tried to open the line of communication. He cowardly shut you down by continuing to lie. This won't work.

Dump him. You've given him plenty of chances at this point.

This.

The fact that he rudely denied it even when he knew you knew says he doesn't care about your feelings, that he doesn't want to take it seriously, and that he will continue to do it without regard to what you think.

In summary, he's a loser and is being extremely selfish.

 

[rareboy]

Well, I absolutely think that the time has come for you to ask him to take his fat ass and park it somewhere else.

 

[TX-Beau]

I think he's probably trying to get you to break it off because he can't bring himself to do it.

Of course I could be wrong, but that's what it sounds like.

 

[KaraBulut]

Hmm... overweight, chatting, cheating, won't talk....

Are you sure he doesn't have a little depression problem? Or is he always like this?

 

[youngnihilist]

he's fat, older than you, and cheating? dump him, you can do so much better! (but the fat thing doesn't relaly matter, if he was athletic i'd say the same thing)

 

[Ryuukie]

i realise i'm only young, but i must say i really enjoy what we did have.

"...really enjoy what we did have." Did? Sounds like you're saying it's over.

 

[DonSade]

If he doesn't want to talk about it chances are he doesn't care about how you feel. I think its time to dump his worthless ass... he seems to be doing just fine with or without you. Why should you subject yourself to his terms? Sure, you invaded his privacy but if I'm not mistaken you were open to him about the j/o sessions at the gym... why should he not entrust you with a fling openly if he has one? I think he's selfish and irresponsible. You wronged him by invading his privacy but I'll say he gave you grounds for considerable doubt and chances are he wouldn't have told you himself. He breached your trust and he should be punished for it. Your punishment is knowing things you shouldn't know.