My boyfriend of 2 years is HIV positive!!!!

[racer2438]

aside from a hug and support, we can only suggest the testing ASAP, no sex with anyone till you know the results. And only then safe safe sex from now on.

But the bigger question is how did he get it if you 2 were together, or was this a open relationship, or someone did the big no-no and cheated.

hope all turns out ok and wish you luck.....

 

[jensu846]

oh man, that is horrible news for both you & he. I hope all turns out well for you. Your mind must be in a frenzy right now. Do you harbor any anger towards him? or do you plan to stay together if he's poz & you're not?
Man, what a shitty situation to be in bro, I pray everything works out.

 

[Scottyboi]

it could have been needles or a needle stick

Also, HIV like *most* stds has a chance of giving a false negative if tested within the first 6 months after exposure. The closer to that 6 month mark the less likely for a false neg.

You might not like hearing this but get tested now, in 2 months, 4 months and 6 months. If you're still negative congrats but you can't be sure til then.

 

[winterknight]

it could have been needles or a needle stick

Also, HIV like *most* stds has a chance of giving a false negative if tested within the first 6 months after exposure. The closer to that 6 month mark the less likely for a false neg.

You might not like hearing this but get tested now, in 2 months, 4 months and 6 months. If you're still negative congrats but you can't be sure til then.

Or you can ask for a PCR viral load, which is expensive but will show positive less than a week after infection

 

[palemale]

Okay, here goes the complete story: some ten years ago, my boyfriend was a college student in state capitol (big city with cca one million residents). He was partying and fucking, he says, with condoms. Here and there some condom broked and it was no big deal. Then he returned to his home city and, because of good old catholic guilt, married with woman and had two kids. Then, after few years of marriage, he confessed his gayness to her. Because of the jobs (extremly well paid and on social radar) and kids, they didn't divorced. She knows and, because of his social status, didnt objected. This story i checked with some friends (i mean, gay circles), and was true. We didn't go to official testing because i'm blood donor, and they must check every dose of donated blood for hiv, etc... and he, since childhood, had weak immune system. Because of that, his blood was controlled every 6 months. We thought that were ok. But, they did not check his blood for hiv

He was my first and only guy with whom i've been. He will lose his job and no one in the country will hire him. I talked for tree hours with him and, probably, he will kill himself... Before he told me, he for two hours stood on the bridge...

I don't know what to do. I study and work and still live with my parents, because our economy is so fucked-up that i have no chance for a better job.

I can't tell my parents. They do not know that i'm gay. If they find out that i'm gay AND hiv+, i will be homeless.

Exams are coming, plus i must complete two projects in two weeks, and i'm facing future where i will be completely alone...

happy easter to me...

P.S. We were exclusive... Today i asked him if he was cheating me, and he said no. Now he has no reason to lie to me. That means that his children and wife are possibly positive.

Here in NYC, many testing sites, like GMHC, do the PCR viral load for free, and give you the results in about 10 or 20 minutes. Perhaps some in your city do as well. Get tested immediately. Good luck.

I had a buddy who started seeing someone and bottomed bareback with the guy. His bf turned out to be HIV+, but my buddy got tested immediately and 6 months later, and was negative. Just because your bf was poz, does not mean you necessarily are, especially if you were exclusively the top.

Good luck. I hope his wife and children are negative. I knew someone in the early 90s who died of AIDS. His bf, wife, and 2 of his 3 children also were infected.

 

[Scottyboi]

Or you can ask for a PCR viral load, which is expensive but will show positive less than a week after infection

huh, I've never heard of this. Good to know.

 

[BostonPirate]

there is an instant "cheek swab" test. It takes about 30 minutes to get the results and most places can do it while you wait. It is not one hundred percent effective but it is very good.

In the meantime remember that IF you are pos, theres not much you can do right now to change that. Getting upset and worrying will only lower your cd4 cell count, as it is highly reactive to stress.

Next remember that HIV is NOT a death sentence. It just means that you have to take care of yourself better than you obviously have been.

lastly, remember that you may NOT be positive and that you may just be upsetting yourself needlessly.

Be responsible. Don't have unprotected sex and get tested regularly. Thats what anyone who is sexually active should be doing no matter what.

and most important?

remember that you and your boyfriend are not bad or dirty people. A virus has no morality or mind. It is merely opportunistic. You will be the exact same person and couple that you were before this. You COULD occupy your time by supporting your BF. I am sure he's really scared and needs your love right now.

Good luck buddy and hugs to both of you!

 

[SteveyBoyLA]

and most important?

remember that you and your boyfriend are not bad or dirty people. A virus has no morality or mind. It is merely opportunistic. You will be the exact same person and couple that you were before this. You COULD occupy your time by supporting your BF. I am sure he's really scared and needs your love right now.

Good luck buddy and hugs to both of you!

^^^
Beautifully said! This is tough news, no way around it. Love and support each other through this difficult time. What was once considered a terminal illness has progressed to a manageable chronic disease through the use of antiretroviral medications. Millions in the USA and elsewhere in the world are being treated with these drugs that now have less severe side effects.

Best of luck to your bf, and sending you good karma on a negative test via cyberspace!

 

[KaraBulut]

Exams are coming, plus i must complete two projects in two weeks, and i'm facing future where i will be completely alone...

The question for you is whether- given all that is going on at this time- whether you want to be tested now or whether you want to wait until you've finished your projects and your exams.

Waiting for a month is not going to change the results of the test nor will it cause any harm to your health.

When you've decided when you will be tested, let us know the outcome.

 

[palemale]

Okay, here goes the complete story: some ten years ago, my boyfriend was a college student in state capitol (big city with cca one million residents). He was partying and fucking, he says, with condoms. Here and there some condom broked and it was no big deal. Then he returned to his home city and, because of good old catholic guilt, married with woman and had two kids. Then, after few years of marriage, he confessed his gayness to her. Because of the jobs (extremly well paid and on social radar) and kids, they didn't divorced. She knows and, because of his social status, didnt objected. This story i checked with some friends (i mean, gay circles), and was true. We didn't go to official testing because i'm blood donor, and they must check every dose of donated blood for hiv, etc... and he, since childhood, had weak immune system. Because of that, his blood was controlled every 6 months. We thought that were ok. But, they did not check his blood for hiv

He was my first and only guy with whom i've been. He will lose his job and no one in the country will hire him. I talked for tree hours with him and, probably, he will kill himself... Before he told me, he for two hours stood on the bridge...

I don't know what to do. I study and work and still live with my parents, because our economy is so fucked-up that i have no chance for a better job.

I can't tell my parents. They do not know that i'm gay. If they find out that i'm gay AND hiv+, i will be homeless.

Exams are coming, plus i must complete two projects in two weeks, and i'm facing future where i will be completely alone...

happy easter to me...

P.S. We were exclusive... Today i asked him if he was cheating me, and he said no. Now he has no reason to lie to me. That means that his children and wife are possibly positive.

Where do you live?

 

[BostonPirate]

we all die eventually, but hiv pos people only die for certain from HIV if they dont get medication or dont take it daily.

The science is very advanced now. Over time, the complications mount, but no more so than diabetes. What he and you both really need is to go see a doctor. He needs to get a viral load and cd4 count test, and get on meds, and YOU need to get tested to see if you are positive.

Dont torture yourelves anymore with this until you do. Take a trip to another country if you need the tests to be anonymous. just get it done.

stop worrying and start taking action.

And when you need some support and people to talk to, come here. we will always read your posts and support you. You may not realize it, but you have people across the planet worried for you and your man.

You have our emotional support. just take care of yourselves and see a specialist.

 

[BostonPirate]

take a look at this article.

read through it. Its about "Magnetic relationships". relationships that are comprised of one HIV positive gay man and one HIV negtative man. It discusses how to find ways to incorporate intimacy without infection, and discusses the fears that he and you may be having IF you guys wind up with a different HIV Status.

http://gaytwogether.typepad.com/gay...ips-when-positive-and-negative-meet-mate.html

This is just a small part of what is says and how REALLY helpful it is to you right now.

Possible Concerns & Pitfalls:

· John is HIV+ and he is afraid of infecting his HIV- partner Mark; as such, his anxiety leads to sexual dysfunctions that interfere with their intimate life. Additionally, side effects of his medications compromise his sexual desire at times leading to discrepant sexual drives between the couple and mounting frustrations for both partners. Sometimes Mark worries about possible transmission of the virus during their lovemaking and feels inhibited sexually.

· Steve suffers from low self-esteem and body image issues resulting from his AIDS status. He's lost a lot of weight, struggles with chronic skin problems, and his body composition has changed from the medication he's taking. He doesn't feel attractive and thinks he's lost his "sexiness." He feels plagued by feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and blame about his health status and these emotional issues sometimes get played out in his relationship with Bob in the form of frequent arguments or distance. Knowing that Steve struggles with his diagnosis, Bob at times feels a sense of "survivor guilt" that he's negative.

Things will change. Thats just how life is. The responsibility for making sure the change goes in a healthy direction that both of you can love each other through is entirely work of your making.

Keep your options open and remember... until you also get tested, this is all just preparing yourself for any number of outcomes.

 

[Georgiadude]

right now both of you are VERY emotional. BOTH of you need to take a deep breath and relax a bit. I know it's devastating news but neither of you are in any emotional state to make a rational decision right now. Stop talking about the regrets you have about meeting each other. It's only going to hurt both of you. Tell him you love him no matter what happens and that your both in this together. TOGETHER. If you were a strong couple before the diagnosis then let this make your relationship even stronger. Be there for each other and support one another. I hope it's not true but if being HIV pos is that bad in Croatia then you will need to support each other through this. Don't let it rob you of a relationship that was up until now loving and caring. Until you get tested on Monday everything is just speculation and guessing. Be there for him and tell him you need him just as much. You can and will get through this. Just don't make any decisions right now. Your too emotional and your thinking is foggy.

will keep both of you in my prayers.

Steven.

 

[bankside]

Boston Pirate made a point of telling you that HIV does not make people dirty or bad. It is true that a virus has no morals, but people do, and so far I think you and your boyfriend have made the best of a very complicated situation.

Your boyfriend has the most complicated situation of all. It is good that he told his wife and turned his back on catholic guilt. It is good that his wife accepted this, and gives your boyfriend freedom to be himself. But did she accept it, or is it just convenient and profitable for her because of his social status? If so, she could become very disruptive and destructive if she feels her position is threatened by this news. She accepted this arrangement, but only when it seemed easy, when it was useful to her, I think.

The most complicated thing is for the children. They need a future, with a father, and with security, and maybe they also need health treatment.

You should tell him to his face that he can't think of suicide because his kids need him. Tell him you don't care if he dies alone in the street sick, with no money, no reputation, humiliated by the rumours, his kids hating him and his wife divorced, as long as he stayed alive as long as possible working, or even begging, to provide a future for his kids. Jumping off a bridge now will give nothing to his kids, and they deserve more.

It is also complicated because they need to be tested. I'm sure if he has some influence and connections, in Croatia he could pay a doctor test the children privately, after hours, discretely.

But this assumes he had HIV when he met her, and that he gave it to her, and that she passed it on to the kids. This is not very likely. But it is possible, and a good father would try to find out so they can be treated if required.

Is he still sleeping with his wife sometimes? That would be one more complication.

He can't jump off a bridge. And he can't just ignore all of this. Somehow he needs to find treatment. If so he can live many years of good life. Don't leave him any other choice.

This situation is so complicated that it is impossible for any of us to fully understand.I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be to face this. Many people would not bother when something is this complicated. Which brings me to my last point. Maybe this is too complicated for him to handle. And maybe this is not what it appears. Were you with him when he got the results of his test from the doctor? Are you sure of his results? He has no reason to lie to you. Yet he has lied in the past, to himself, to his wife for a while. It has made his life very complicated, and maybe he cannot handle a complicated life after all. Maybe this "news" is the only way he could think of to simplify.

I'm not asking you to doubt him unnecessarily, but in a situation which is already complicated - and now a situation dealing with life and death - you need to consider all the possibilities.

 

[SteveyBoyLA]

Today i was tested. and i am negative! But...

... his second results are positive. My boyfriend has hiv

He said that he is positive and that is very bad... He doesn't want to say more, but i'm afraid that he has a full blown aids.

It's so fuckin bittersweet... I was so happy when my results came back negative, but couple of hours later, his second results came and it was awful.

How someone can bear that?

just... thank you all for listening and advices

Congratulations on your happy news.

As for your bf, no doubt about it, the news of having HIV can be emotionally devastating for a while, but most folks eventually take action to get the necessary treatment from a knowledgeable MD and proper medication after the grieving process.

As has previously been mentioned (it may bear repeating), HIV is not a death sentence if treatment is timely, even for those with severely compromised immune systems. Witness the numerous examples of those with AIDS that finally received HIV medication, specifically in Africa. A positive HIV test result means that you are infected with HIV (human immunodeficiency virus), the virus that causes AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome). Being infected with HIV does not mean that you have AIDS right now. However, if left untreated, HIV infection damages a person's immune system and can progress to AIDS. I won't go into further specifics over the differences between HIV and AIDS in this post since I think you and your bf would benefit greatly by becoming more informed (see link below). With knowledge, it should help his hopelessness turn to hope.
http://www.thebody.com/index.html

Also, something doesn't sit right with me about the statements you make about three different infections for which drugs have no effects, or his 'bad genes'. Sounds like your bf could benefit by seeking multiple medical opinions from licensed MDs before throwing in the 'no hope' towel.

Tell you bf that many people can indeed 'bear that'. Millions do every day, and they don't give up. Your bf is hardly alone with this, so tell him he is more than welcome to post on this site, and many here would be happy to support him through this manageable condition he has acquired, OK?

 

[hotatlboi]

Aww my heart just sank. But he needs to be a fucking man and grow a pear. His wife could be infected as well as his children. Him not wanting to get them tested due to his social life and possible humiliation is vile and just disgusting. Its selfish to the point where it's just wrong. And if he wont tell the wife about it, you possibly might want to. He's playing with people's lives now.

Agreed, that's pathetic.

 

[future_retro]

Today i was tested. and i am negative! But...

... his second results are positive. My boyfriend has hiv

He said that he is positive and that is very bad... He doesn't want to say more, but i'm afraid that he has a full blown aids.

It's so fuckin bittersweet... I was so happy when my results came back negative, but couple of hours later, his second results came and it was awful.

How someone can bear that?

just... thank you all for listening and advices

That's very good news that you're negative. But things may not be as bad as they seem with your bf either. If he is on HIV medications, he will get better, even if he has full-blown AIDS now. I have seen people with AIDS go on the medications and get much, much better and go on to live relatively normal, happy, productive lives. Do you have access to HIV meds where you are. It would be a real tragedy if your boyfriend did something stupid and killed himself needlessly. HIV/AIDS, while still a serious medical condition, is no longer an automatic death sentence.

 

[presario1000]

Is it just me or is something not adding up? His story is he was infected years ago (thru a broken condom no less), had sex with first his wife and then you for years not being on antiviral drugs and no one else is infected. Maybe its the cynic in me but you can never be too careful about your health and its getting harder to trust others with it. Does he have any historical/current drug use, with a history of casual sex its also possibly he never stopped. I'd continue to get tested periodically, and be extremely careful, first with condoms in the bedroom if that continues and second with your heart/trust in him.

 

[palemale]

Is it just me or is something not adding up? His story is he was infected years ago (thru a broken condom no less), had sex with first his wife and then you for years not being on antiviral drugs and no one else is infected. Maybe its the cynic in me but you can never be too careful about your health and its getting harder to trust others with it. Does he have any historical/current drug use, with a history of casual sex its also possibly he never stopped. I'd continue to get tested periodically, and be extremely careful, first with condoms in the bedroom if that continues and second with your heart/trust in him.

Of course it's suspicious. More likely, after he stopped having sex with his wife, he had unprotected sex with men. I'm sorry about your grief, berovar, but it does not seem like your bf has been completely honest with you. I suppose it's possible he had sex with his wife multiple times without infecting her, but I do not think it likely. Also, if he knew he had had unprotected sex with men, then had unprotected sex with you without ever being tested, he's reckless and just plain bad news. It's one thing if he wants to risk his life, but to risk yours (and possibly the lives of his wife and children) is unforgivable.

 

[RQeclectic]

I feel your pain and understand the fustration you must be feeling etc, but be ther for your partner as he will need you more than you would ever believe! I had my ex walk out 4days after i was disagnosed (2nd test) after 6years as he couldnt handle my diagnosis.

I was infected around march 2004 before i was with my now ex partner, we were both tested when we got together (around may 2004) and again 4months later in august 2004 both were negative, upon applying for visa's in may 2010 it was discovered that i was positive (he is not) now neither of us cheated and while we did play once with another guy it was only oral no anal. so HIV can go undetected if your within the 6month window.

With the current regime of AVT's your partner wont develop AIDS and will live a normal and long life, social stigma is a big issue but alot of the AVT's are once a day and have little side effects (for me was just abit of an upset stomach and small bit of groggyness in the morning) and can be hidden very well.
AIDS is just when the body is unable to fight the disease and has oppertunistic infections, this often happens 10-15 years if the person doesnt go onto AVT's or has a week immune system. Often alot of dr's will start AVT's well HIV before the body is open to oppetunistic infection or the CD4 cells are to low, i started when i was approximatly 250 Cd4 but my viral load (VL) was very low and percentage (the number of helper cells vs infected cells) was very low, as i had been living with HIV for the better part of 6 years without AVT or really looking after my body.....alot of alcohol / smoking / partying / junk food ..... not much exercise or looking after my body, now i do and my VL is undetectable and CD4/ % is 600 @ 59%

Best advice is just be ther for your partner, educate yourself and learn as much as you can about the disease and how it will affect your partner and how to limit the risk of infecton etc.
The emotions that your partner are going thro i can relate to as alot of it i felt when i was firstly diagnosed, around anniversaries it all comes back to me and friends who are also positive have told me this is normal and in years will become easier. This is a hard time for you both, but with abit of understanding and non judgment you will work thro it together

B