My Ex Now has a girlfriend, dnt no what to think?

[attallaborn]

hi all, its been awhile since i was on here...well, my ex and i broke up like 5 months ago and about two months ago: i found through his myspace that he's dating a girl and it is really messing with my head, for i havnt been able to find anyone yet...i dnt know what to think; is it a fraud? all of his friends are straight and we kept out relations ship a huge secret but how could he?? i think i was his first "on the low" boyfriend but do you guys think that hes just trying to prove something..

an i cant find a boyfriend, but im freakin hot..i dont get it?? if i wanted a chick, i could get one but I DONT..so i must suffer, lonely, as a gay person why striaghts love each other in public?? i dont think i can keep dealing with this bull..guys, just tell me what you think about him supposedly "loving this girl" now..and shes cute too, so it hurts even more

 

[TX-Beau]

I think if he's your ex why do you care. Move on.

If your really that hot, finding a guy shouldn't be a problem.

How old are you?

Are you out?

If not why?

 

[StlKj]

Two things going on here:

He's with a girl.
He's with someone and you're not.


How much of this is really about the second one? If he was with some hot guy, and you were still alone, would you be feeling the same way?

Are you upset that he's dating a girl, or are you upset that you can't just date a girl and not deal with the whole gay issue? Are there other guys around you that you could be dating? Are you putting yourself out there to meet guys?

 

[bankside]

attallaborn, I read some of your old threads and you talked about what a great connection you had with straight guys, and how you were attracted to straight acting guys and how the guys you were going after seemed straight.

Is this news about your ex really a surprise if you think about it? The guys you want, the guys you are attracted to, all seem to be connected with the straight world.

 

[StlKj]

Falling for straights is a good way to sometimes have one, but not ever keep one. It's also a good way to stay miserable and alone.

 

[attallaborn]

I think if he's your ex why do you care. Move on.

If your really that hot, finding a guy shouldn't be a problem.

How old are you?

Are you out?

If not why?

well, im not like a smoking hot model or anything but ive been told im attractive...im 24 and am not 100% OUT n PROUD (like look at me!!) but ill give a cute boy the look..lol. or wear nice garments that say, "hey! im really well put together, think im gay?" but i live in the deep south and im a college student at a "big truck" driven university where football and hunting is king..so i dnt exactly have a gay pool to choose from...and the ppl who are openly gay are a "mess" with the girlie clothes, extra girlie talk, borderline drag, etc--not that theres anything wrong w that just not my type

if he was w a guy, which he wld never admitt on his myspace, i wldnt feel so bad but a chick...n everyone of his status quotes "'lovin my baby,' or 'i luve this girl'" it just really hurts cause im alone in redneck ville but your right i should move on but i cant...so pathetic, lol he did but i cant.

 

[G-Lexington]

Yes, it is pathetic lol. If you're not on hanging-out good terms with your ex, just drop him from myspace and facebook, and get on with your life.

Lex

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Find something constructive to do with your time. School is coming up, see if you can volunteer for a back-to-school drive. Do some community service. Study a foreign language. Go to a museum. Go shopping. There are a gagillion things to do besides pining for an ex who isn't pining for you.

 

[attallaborn]

Two things going on here:

He's with a girl.
He's with someone and you're not.


How much of this is really about the second one? If he was with some hot guy, and you were still alone, would you be feeling the same way?

Are you upset that he's dating a girl, or are you upset that you can't just date a girl and not deal with the whole gay issue? Are there other guys around you that you could be dating? Are you putting yourself out there to meet guys?

yeah, he was with a girl before me and i had a feelin he was gay..trust me, hes not totally straight..the talks we had cuddling: he told me how vaginas were disgusting to him and about all the guys he thought were cute and showed me guys he'd made out w on myspace..

the thing is...he was my first guy, for i used my girlsfriends and never liked them..he was latin and boy was he freakin romantic and sexy: i know i sound like corney girl but i kid u not..we make out to rlly beautiful latin music etc...i dont know what hes tryin to prove but im in the deep south and gays arent exactly running the place, so i dont know what to do..i gues be lonely until i graduate grad school in move to gay friendly places

 

[videoboi08]

yeah, he was with a girl before me and i had a feelin he was gay..trust me, hes not totally straight..the talks we had cuddling: he told me how vaginas were disgusting to him and about all the guys he thought were cute and showed me guys he'd made out w on myspace..

the thing is...he was my first guy, for i used my girlsfriends and never liked them..he was latin and boy was he freakin romantic and sexy: i know i sound like corney girl but i kid u not..we make out to rlly beautiful latin music etc...i dont know what hes tryin to prove but im in the deep south and gays arent exactly running the place, so i dont know what to do..i gues be lonely until i graduate grad school in move to gay friendly places

awww *hugs* I'm sure Mr.right will come to you soon , besides this "girlfriend" is probalty not as good as in bed as you and he'll see what he missed out on ... lol

 

[rareboy]

an i cant find a boyfriend, but im freakin hot..i dont get it?? if i wanted a chick, i could get one but I DONT..so i must suffer, lonely, as a gay person why striaghts love each other in public?? i dont think i can keep dealing with this bull..guys, just tell me what you think about him supposedly "loving this girl" now..and shes cute too, so it hurts even more

Stop whining.

He's your ex.

You may be hot as hell, but if this is one of your main character traits, you may need to examine whether it is your looks or your depth of character that might be the issue.

It is his life now. Not yours.

Be happy for him and get out there and find the right guy for you.

 

[CTorontoC]

You're only 24 and just finishing up college don't worry so much. I finished university April 2008 at 22 and Id never even had a boyfriend up to that point, just sex. Yes, I wanted a bf, but I knew that there was still lots of time to find one, I just had to keep looking. Being free from university gave me the time and opportunity I needed to go out and find someone, I think you will find it the same. You'll also be out of that small college town (although I think you'd be surprised to find out how many of those supposedly straight, truck-driving, hunting, football playing guys are gay. Im a firm believer in the 1 in 10 rule and my experience even leads me to believe it's more like 2 in 10.

I know how it can be to have this sort of thing go on though. There was a super hot guy I fucked around with a few times during school. He'd been in an open relationship when I met him but broke up with the guy shortly after our first encounters. I had a huge crush on him and we'd shared some moments that made me think he was into me but he never made any moves and I wasn't the type to make moves either being a relationship virgin. Ultimately, I waited too long and was soon dismayed to find he had a bf according to his facebook. I kept hoping they'd split but it didn't happen. Im glad of it though, because I ended up meeting my fiance as a result and I realized that my jealousy and obsession had been stupid and fruitless. Talking to the guy later on, I found out that he had indeed been into me and would have liked to have dated but apparently *I* was also not giving off the right signals and he'd become jaded about relationships in general so he never asked me out.

Anyways, I guess Im saying there's plenty of time and plenty of fish in the sea and this guy sounds like he's not sure what he wants anyways so you're probably better off. Finish school, move to a big city and find a man. Don't worry about the one that got away!

 

[rainman256]

Hey attallaborn,

It's a weird feeling isn't it? I think I know how you feel. My ex and I were dating for about 3.5 years when we split up. What seemed to be a few months later, she was seeing someone else. I was in shock. I thought that was really quick.

It's like your ex is able to move on and you haven't. I remember thinking that I must not have meant that much to her if she was able to move on *that* quickly (i.e., quicker than me).

But all in all, it just takes time to heal this. It's difficult to deal with, and you have a few legs up on me (i.e., you're good looking, and from reading some prior posts, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders).

Maybe she's just a rebound-girl? Someone to be with for the time being. That's what ended up happening with my ex. She only saw him for a few months, but I remember it was hard for me to deal with. But it just takes time.

 

[attallaborn]

Yeah, buddy you get me. people on hear keep mentioning the "attractive" factor and school and its not about that..im not a naive college kid, im a graduate student..and im not the hottest thing on earth..

its just how this guy can get over me so fast, with a girl, and not blink a eye...but ima be alright. i really appreciate the advice in stuff, cause we alllll know it aint easy being gay in the 21st century...

being good looking doesnt, in bama, elect the good ol boys to start beating your door down. obviously gay men spit at u, while holding their girlfriends hands. lol. men u are positively gay, will through stones at you for eyeing them....its crazy but hey! im just glad to be here..

Hey attallaborn,

It's a weird feeling isn't it? I think I know how you feel. My ex and I were dating for about 3.5 years when we split up. What seemed to be a few months later, she was seeing someone else. I was in shock. I thought that was really quick.

It's like your ex is able to move on and you haven't. I remember thinking that I must not have meant that much to her if she was able to move on *that* quickly (i.e., quicker than me).

But all in all, it just takes time to heal this. It's difficult to deal with, and you have a few legs up on me (i.e., you're good looking, and from reading some prior posts, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders).

Maybe she's just a rebound-girl? Someone to be with for the time being. That's what ended up happening with my ex. She only saw him for a few months, but I remember it was hard for me to deal with. But it just takes time.

 

[rareboy]

Yeah, buddy you get me. people on hear (sic) keep mentioning the "attractive" factor and school and its not about that..im not a naive college kid, im a graduate student..and im not the hottest thing on earth..

I have to assume that as a graduate student, you were three sheets when you wrote this. Or you were txtg this on your cell.

Trust me. He was over you before you broke up. That is how it happens usually. By the time of a break-up, at least one party is ready for a quick rebound.

Stop wallowing in self-pity and put all your effort into finding your own happiness and not resenting someone else's.

 

[kissthesky88]

first of all, you should probably come to terms with a few more than likely facts:
1) you're not over your ex.
2) your ex probably is bisexual.
3) you're feeling lonely.
3) and that's fine.

but most importantly:
5) soon you will find someone else and everything will be okay.

be happy for your ex. maybe he really likes this chick he's with now. it seems like you're not carrying any resentment or hatred towards him (besides now having a girlfriend), which i'll take to mean you at least find him to be an acceptable human being, right? so be happy for him. you got what you got from him, and now it's time to move on with life. good luck.