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I am not a native speaker, please forgive my English if it sounds odd to you.
I become unemployed since January. Previously I am under tremendous stress while working for this position. Also, I think I am socially inept. I want to be remain discreet. But sometimes I was too horny or too easily aroused to show funny faces to my colleague. They openly questioning my sexuality and mocked me. I'm sad, stress and down. Having a low self-esteemed probably make me easily influenced, emotionally manipulated or sometimes, hypnotised involuntarily. I experienced mild anxiety and depression.
Anyway, all those nightmare has passed since I resigned from the position. And it kickstarts the journey to looking for a job. And looking forward to a new life.
I think I am bisexual, as I crush on girls and guys in real life. But for porn mostly I am attracted to guys. I start to explore my sexuality. I go to hooked up site and meet with guys to make out. Guys who want sex at the first contact hinders me. Then I finally take the first step to meet this guy. He is very nice. We chat a lot. His personality attracts me He offers to help me explore some sex, i.e. rimming. In return, I would try to become a bottom for him as he is a top.
I met him in his house the next day after we chat on line, 12th of Feb. He is as nice as the one I meet on line. First bottom experience is a little bit of pain, and I have condition like blue ball. He cue me a lot of time enough to make me feel safe and warm. The sex is wonderful for a few second, after long time of fingering, lubing and penis pressing, which all carry a little bit of pain. When I said stop, he would keep me going for a little bit more. He has no pre-cum even we foreplay hug a lot. I think I was really nervous and yet horny in the sex. This confirm my thought that I am easily aroused and pre-cum a lot. This make me feel like I get my underwear dirty easily. His personality leave a vivid impression to me. I just like him. After sex, we would rest together. The feeling is wonderful. And we chat a lot, he is really easy going. And he share a lot of stuff with me. I shall said that I am turn on more by a person's personality. And I like his smell a lot too. He rimmed me in the first session, when I did not really clean it. More importantly, he let me stay in his house to cool down, until the blue ball sort of subsides.
I receive his sms on 21st of February. I am not quite sure whether I shall meet him again. but it was weekdays so we just exchange some sms.
Then I meet another guy on line, 29 February, after chatting for two weeks too. He is as gentle but I didn't allow him to enter me. After meeting his guy, which is 22 years older than me, make me feel the first guy that I meet is really really nice. I enjoy the sex. It's good to see another guy that also dripping with pre-cum. Previously, I thought that I am the only one that drip pre-cum easily. Similarly, I experienced some pain after the sex, in my balls. Because he drag it. I asked him whether I can rest before. But he signal me to go back. This make me feel like a hooked up. Not feeling good. I go back with pain in my ball.
Then I received the message from the first guy, saying he is in the town for another 2-3 weeks (1st March). Before long (after 2 days), I received his sms. Partly due to my curiosity, I went to meet him again. I tried bottom for him again. This time he is more daring, he tried many position but I think I wasn't relax enough that I feel pain most of the time. But I get to spend the night with him. I stay overnight at his house. Because I get to rest in his house, I do not worry about the blue ball and the pain in the butt hole.
This is exactly my third hooked up.
19 March, I meet another old guy. I found that most of the young guy they actually just want to get off rather quickly. I am scared of disease too. I have no chance of meeting them. And this old guy, 48 is patient enough to exchange chat with me over about 1 months. I meet him, it didn't feel good. And while kissing with him, I dread the smell. I could only think of the first guy to continue making out with him. Though he is making a good effort to swallow my cum. His personality is not as good as him. I experienced blue ball this time too. Now I know I have a sensitive ball that can't let guy play with. And he doesn't allow me much time to cool down. I go back with a swollen ball too.
Looking back at the chat record, this 4th hooked up make me feel like the first guy that I meet is really a nice person. I started to tell my gay friends that I've crush for him. That's he is very nice. Yet I'm not a good bottom for him.
April 6. I meet the first guy again. This time for about 4 hours, could not overnight. I could not stay over because he has a tight schedule. I only have a morning. That is also driven by loneliness because my friend all went back to their hometown. I was alone in the house. Nothing to do. So I went to meet him. For all the experience I have with sex, it improve me. Now I know guys could not tug my ball. I do not experience blue ball for that session. But the down side is, that day I went to meet him even my stomach doesn't feel very good. Bad things happen. But he is really nice. Really comforting, He told he enjoyed it. And we cuddle a lot, he played with me a lot. And I really like it. I struggle a lot about telling him, that I have feeling for him. But I think he know I have a good time with him.
He told me about his schedule that he travelled oversea. I thought I could meet him.
But it's not. My sms could not reach him. I really want to be with him that night.
He gives me his personal phone that he turn off during work, or oversea. He only replied me two days later. I was eager to meet him that day. But he was busy with his work.
Yesterday I went to meet him. We have great sex. Partly due to the experience. I douched. And I am more adapt to become a bottom. I told him how I feel after the sex. His answer is.. Let's make this durable and uncomplicated. I also told him I thought we could go dating. But he said dating is going to cafe. And ours is not dating. Anyway, I get to tell him my feeling, and I know how he feel about me. He also mentioned that he don't want to make anybody feel sad. And I stay overnight in his house again. He doesn't know that I am unemployed.
hmm... That's is all in my head now. I think partly due to my habits of being anxious. I was wondering and worrying my relationship with him now. I could not tell him I am unemployed. I wonder in future should I meet him again. If I ever meet him again, there will be only sex act. But I really like him. Shall I meet him again? I wonder whether I could control my feeling for him.
p/s after i saw this post: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/coming-out-relationships-bisex-talk/374549-i-feel-defective.html
I think my situation is more or less the same with him.
Both of us are unemployed. And have low self-esteemed.
If you have made so far then I'm sorry that you're this bored. I just need a place that vent everything that I've been feeling for the past few months. While writing this piece of article, I have the chance to see how things developed and get the idea in my head sorted.
And I do find some wonderful advice given to him. Those advice that I could use too.
I become unemployed since January. Previously I am under tremendous stress while working for this position. Also, I think I am socially inept. I want to be remain discreet. But sometimes I was too horny or too easily aroused to show funny faces to my colleague. They openly questioning my sexuality and mocked me. I'm sad, stress and down. Having a low self-esteemed probably make me easily influenced, emotionally manipulated or sometimes, hypnotised involuntarily. I experienced mild anxiety and depression.
Anyway, all those nightmare has passed since I resigned from the position. And it kickstarts the journey to looking for a job. And looking forward to a new life.
I think I am bisexual, as I crush on girls and guys in real life. But for porn mostly I am attracted to guys. I start to explore my sexuality. I go to hooked up site and meet with guys to make out. Guys who want sex at the first contact hinders me. Then I finally take the first step to meet this guy. He is very nice. We chat a lot. His personality attracts me He offers to help me explore some sex, i.e. rimming. In return, I would try to become a bottom for him as he is a top.
I met him in his house the next day after we chat on line, 12th of Feb. He is as nice as the one I meet on line. First bottom experience is a little bit of pain, and I have condition like blue ball. He cue me a lot of time enough to make me feel safe and warm. The sex is wonderful for a few second, after long time of fingering, lubing and penis pressing, which all carry a little bit of pain. When I said stop, he would keep me going for a little bit more. He has no pre-cum even we foreplay hug a lot. I think I was really nervous and yet horny in the sex. This confirm my thought that I am easily aroused and pre-cum a lot. This make me feel like I get my underwear dirty easily. His personality leave a vivid impression to me. I just like him. After sex, we would rest together. The feeling is wonderful. And we chat a lot, he is really easy going. And he share a lot of stuff with me. I shall said that I am turn on more by a person's personality. And I like his smell a lot too. He rimmed me in the first session, when I did not really clean it. More importantly, he let me stay in his house to cool down, until the blue ball sort of subsides.
I receive his sms on 21st of February. I am not quite sure whether I shall meet him again. but it was weekdays so we just exchange some sms.
Then I meet another guy on line, 29 February, after chatting for two weeks too. He is as gentle but I didn't allow him to enter me. After meeting his guy, which is 22 years older than me, make me feel the first guy that I meet is really really nice. I enjoy the sex. It's good to see another guy that also dripping with pre-cum. Previously, I thought that I am the only one that drip pre-cum easily. Similarly, I experienced some pain after the sex, in my balls. Because he drag it. I asked him whether I can rest before. But he signal me to go back. This make me feel like a hooked up. Not feeling good. I go back with pain in my ball.
Then I received the message from the first guy, saying he is in the town for another 2-3 weeks (1st March). Before long (after 2 days), I received his sms. Partly due to my curiosity, I went to meet him again. I tried bottom for him again. This time he is more daring, he tried many position but I think I wasn't relax enough that I feel pain most of the time. But I get to spend the night with him. I stay overnight at his house. Because I get to rest in his house, I do not worry about the blue ball and the pain in the butt hole.
This is exactly my third hooked up.
19 March, I meet another old guy. I found that most of the young guy they actually just want to get off rather quickly. I am scared of disease too. I have no chance of meeting them. And this old guy, 48 is patient enough to exchange chat with me over about 1 months. I meet him, it didn't feel good. And while kissing with him, I dread the smell. I could only think of the first guy to continue making out with him. Though he is making a good effort to swallow my cum. His personality is not as good as him. I experienced blue ball this time too. Now I know I have a sensitive ball that can't let guy play with. And he doesn't allow me much time to cool down. I go back with a swollen ball too.
Looking back at the chat record, this 4th hooked up make me feel like the first guy that I meet is really a nice person. I started to tell my gay friends that I've crush for him. That's he is very nice. Yet I'm not a good bottom for him.
April 6. I meet the first guy again. This time for about 4 hours, could not overnight. I could not stay over because he has a tight schedule. I only have a morning. That is also driven by loneliness because my friend all went back to their hometown. I was alone in the house. Nothing to do. So I went to meet him. For all the experience I have with sex, it improve me. Now I know guys could not tug my ball. I do not experience blue ball for that session. But the down side is, that day I went to meet him even my stomach doesn't feel very good. Bad things happen. But he is really nice. Really comforting, He told he enjoyed it. And we cuddle a lot, he played with me a lot. And I really like it. I struggle a lot about telling him, that I have feeling for him. But I think he know I have a good time with him.
He told me about his schedule that he travelled oversea. I thought I could meet him.
But it's not. My sms could not reach him. I really want to be with him that night.
He gives me his personal phone that he turn off during work, or oversea. He only replied me two days later. I was eager to meet him that day. But he was busy with his work.
Yesterday I went to meet him. We have great sex. Partly due to the experience. I douched. And I am more adapt to become a bottom. I told him how I feel after the sex. His answer is.. Let's make this durable and uncomplicated. I also told him I thought we could go dating. But he said dating is going to cafe. And ours is not dating. Anyway, I get to tell him my feeling, and I know how he feel about me. He also mentioned that he don't want to make anybody feel sad. And I stay overnight in his house again. He doesn't know that I am unemployed.
hmm... That's is all in my head now. I think partly due to my habits of being anxious. I was wondering and worrying my relationship with him now. I could not tell him I am unemployed. I wonder in future should I meet him again. If I ever meet him again, there will be only sex act. But I really like him. Shall I meet him again? I wonder whether I could control my feeling for him.
p/s after i saw this post: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/coming-out-relationships-bisex-talk/374549-i-feel-defective.html
I think my situation is more or less the same with him.
Both of us are unemployed. And have low self-esteemed.
If you have made so far then I'm sorry that you're this bored. I just need a place that vent everything that I've been feeling for the past few months. While writing this piece of article, I have the chance to see how things developed and get the idea in my head sorted.
And I do find some wonderful advice given to him. Those advice that I could use too.