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My father.

sb

sb

I don't care
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My father rang me tonight... it is the first time I have ever spoken to him. The call lasted 1 minute and 9 seconds. He is calling back tomorrow because I was on a train and couldn't hear very well. It was odd. He sounds very very Greek, I had to concentrate to get past the accent. I don't know what we will talk about tomorrow. Half of me wants this big father son relationship and the other half is thinking I have gone this long without him.... I'm trying not to make it a huge deal but it kinda is.
 
Give it a chance. Whatever was in the past, your father either wants to make amends or open the door to a relationship.

Allow it as much for him as you.
 
How exciting! But you don't have to think in extremes - it can be just a modest father-son relationship. You shouldn't avoid the opportunity to gain some insight into the contribution his genes have made towards your character and physiology.

A word of caution: when siblings or a parent and child have been separated since birth and meet again as adults the incest taboo is ineffective and there is sometimes an erotic charge around the meeting because the encounter is between peopel who have more in common than anyone else they are likely to meet. I'm assuming you're gay - so it's something to be aware of.
 
Avoid fantasizing about him or about what'll happen.

Listen to him, hear him. Talk to him if you can.

Accept or reject him, and a relationship with him, by paying attention to what's really going on, not what you want it to be (either good or bad).

He's the only father you'll ever have so give special consideration to the potential for a relationship with him. Above all else, be true to yourself.

Good luck! (*8*)
 
NickCole said:
Avoid fantasizing about him or about what'll happen.

Listen to him, hear him. Talk to him if you can.

Accept or reject him, and a relationship with him, by paying attention to what's really going on, not what you want it to be (either good or bad).

He's the only father you'll ever have so give special consideration to the potential for a relationship with him. Above all else, be true to yourself.

Good luck! (*8*)
Click to expand...

^He has said it all. I was very lucky to have a great relationship with my dad and miss him very much.

He is your father, so give him a chance to talk, think it over and go with your heart.
 
It's a very big deal....I hope it works out well for you.

First of all, I can't imagine what you are feeling...I would expect an entire range of emotions. He's got to be feeling the same way. You both have your own lives and now to see if there is room for each other in them has got to be unsettling...to say the least.

Don't have too many expectations though...be patient, relax and see what develops. It may or may not ever be the conventional Father-Son relationship...but that doesn't mean it can't be good in some way....and besides, there are few perfect Father-Son relationships out there anyway. All relationships take effort...so even if it's a little rough or awkward...stick with it.
 
Greek men are very stubborn and outspoken, but when they have joy...

it fills them so completely it can be scary

good luck, SB

it seems that its going around for the greek dads right now
 
sb said:
Half of me wants this big father son relationship and the other half is thinking I have gone this long without him....
Click to expand...

Those were my feelings when I met my mother for the first time when I was just 21yrs old.

Amazingly I knew instantly that the woman across the street was my mother but finally, after several weekends spent together, I realised that this was just a stranger for whom I had no real need nor place in my life.

So I hope your meeting is more successful and that it is the beginning of a great relationship.
 
Of course it's a "huge deal"...!! I hope things work out well for both of you. My guess is that the one thing you can be in this situation that you'll never regret is charitable! (*8*)
 
I had my father in my life all through my life, and we rarely spoke to each other. I seemed to sense that he never liked me, and I avoided him.
Several years ago, after many years of asking God why He gave me such a man as a father, I had a traumatic episode in my life, that left me on the point of total despair.
The only person I thought to call was my father. Yes, he made everything right.
He is everything a father should be now, and wasn't when I was a child. I enjoy his company more than I can say.

I truly hope that you and your father are able to reach some common ground. You are, after all, his flesh and blood, and given the opportunity, you may find that you really enjoy each other. I wish you all the best. Let us know how things go for you.
 
He just rang again. We spoke for 32mins and 03 seconds. He said he has thought about me and tried to contact me but couldn't find me because my mother changed her surname and he can't read English very well. He apoligised about seven times and said that I wouldn't understand how guilty he feels... I didn't like that. He wants to meet me and spend time with me and he said that he wants to have contact with me all the time.
 
its a hard call

I think that there are too many things we cant know to give real advice

I know you have mentioned him in the past and I hope that before you meet him you at least sit down and think about what you expect of him and what your boundaries are with him

you are a smart and independant man

in the end, i think you will make the right choice for your life, even if its not the easy choice

good luck !
 
I'm also curious about your reaction to his guilty feelings...it wasn't clear in your post what you didn't like about it.

His wanting to have contact with you all the time, to me, seems a bit presumptuous...but he put it out there...you have an idea where he stands...now it's up to you to let him know where you are with all this...and even if it's "I don't know"...then at least let him know that much.

The anxiety of the unknown though has got to be stressfull. It may not be a bad idea to meet him (and only him...no wife, siblings, etc...) in public for lunch just to take some of the pressure off. In person you may get a better feel for any kind of connection...see what's in his eyes...things that can't be conveyed via the phone. That out of the way you can make a more informed decision on how you want this part of your life to proceed. Always though...move only at a pace that is comfortable and right for you.
 
Proceed with caution, but proceed.
In coming years you may agonize over what might have happened.
Regardless of a date on a calendar, it takes some people longer to really mature than others.
If he abandoned you, or treated you cruelly, it might be his last chance to say he's sorry or to offer an explanation.
Protect your feelings, but give it a shot.
 
unclaimedblessing said:
If he abandoned you, or treated you cruelly, it might be his last chance to say he's sorry or to offer an explanation.
Click to expand...

My mother has always told me that he asked to marry her and she said no and that she didn't want him involved in my life and didn't want any help from him. Until I was 6 I was told another man was my father.

ds_writr said:
Are you both in the same city (or country?). Ohmygoodnessgracious, now I want to know more.
Click to expand...

He is in Canberra, I am in Sydney... about 3 hours apart.

jaysizzles said:
I'm also curious about your reaction to his guilty feelings...it wasn't clear in your post what you didn't like about it.
Click to expand...

I'm sure I will forgive yadda yadda but I didn't want to feel as though I had to do it on the first conversation. I just wanted to talk, I didn't want to be smothered in apologies.
 
He is calling me every few days now. The conversation is mainly 'how are you, how has work been' etc. I'm liking it better... I'm getting to know him instead of feeling like I should be exposing huge emotions to basically a stranger. Tonight when he called he said 'hello son'.... I haven't called him dad yet but it was good to hear a male say that.
 
From what I understand, your mother made sure he had nothing to do with you, lied to you about who your father was, and changed names so he wasn't able to find you.

It's hard for me to pass judgement on something I know little about, but I would take issue with my mother, not him. Who knows, perhaps she had good reason for doing what she did, I have no idea.

Anyway, it is good to read that the two of you are slowly starting to get to know each other. I wish you guys the best of luck.
 
I met my father tonight. We had dinner and spent about 3 hours together. We are going to met again in the next few weeks. It was good, just a little awkward.
 
Good news! I wish you both the best.
 
sb said:
I met my father tonight. We had dinner and spent about 3 hours together. We are going to met again in the next few weeks. It was good, just a little awkward.
Click to expand...

This is so cool!!!

I hope the two of you can develope a strong relationship that is rewarding to both of you..

The very best of luck..take it slow...
 
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