My fling with a straight guy is over....

[Rex]

So if you read any of my past threads about this you'll know what I've been going through.

About 6-7 months ago, I met this really, really hot "straight" guy from craigslist. It's very rare that you find someone as hot as he was off of craigslist. We ended up hooking up at his place quite a few times. He was a hot white guy with sort of a wiggerish swagger about him, tats, nice body. Very hot. He was 28.

Anyway, we did mutual oral, I rimmed him which he never experienced, and this continued about once or twice a month for a long time. Hate to admit it but I ended up falling for him.

He had a girlfriend. Now for a long time I thought he was just gay in denial or something. But about a week ago he told me he wanted to get his life on track, stop cheating on his girlfriend (he cheated on her with another girl as well) and thought it would be best if we ended it. At first I told him it was cool and I understood but a few days after wards I really felt used, resented and just pissed off. I went through a lot of hurt after that because he was probably the only guy I've ever had feelings for.

So I sent him a really nasty message. He responded the next day and we talked about it online. He said he never wanted to hurt me and he had fun but he felt it's best if we broke ties with each other and he focused on his girlfriend. At this time I wasn't in the right state of mind because I was so angered by this.

Now I realize I had nothing to be angry about. He REALLY was bi or straight. He just wanted to experiment. He told me he loves his girlfriend and wants to take their relationship more seriously because he's tired of treating her badly. For some reason, I continued to hold onto him and continue hooking up because somewhere down the line I thought this could turn into a friendship or something. We were closer to each other than a typical hookup but I was a foolish to think it could turn into something more. I mean, we knew each other somewhat well but he made it clear that he was just having fun, he didn't allow affection during sex and things like that made him uncomfortable. But I was really gullible to think that I could turn it into something more.

So to everyone who lusts after straight guys, just make sure you don't get too attached, because it ends badly.

When we were talking online so he could clear the air, he wanted to talk on the phone. I refused and he kept asking for my number to just call me and I kept refusing, so he just got fed up and logged off. I haven't talked to him since. Most likely I'll never talk to him again.



Why am I so attracted to these straight type guys? Honestly, I never find myself as attracted to gay guys as I am to straight or bi. To me, it definitely has something to do with their masculinity but I am attracted to guys who don't easily give themselves to me. For some reason I want guys who make me work to get them. Does anyone else have this problem? Why don't I find gay guys attractive the same way? I talk to some gay guys who I can tell have feelings for me and tried to take the friendship to another level and they're good guys but I'm just not attracted to them that way. Is it just that I haven't found the right guy or is there something wrong with me?

 

[Horschallen]

In general, straight guys are pretty elusive, no matter how close gay guys can get to them. I have fallen into this type of situation in the past... Needless to say it was painful and I had to take necessary steps to move forward for myself. Best of luck to you.

 

[racer2438]

sending nasty mssg was childish,
It may have added to the reasons why he wanted to stop, It's like you put the iceing on the cake for him.

He has a right to experiment, he tried and thought he was better off with her. He may have seen how you acted before and that may have planted the seed of doubt, of course your childish mssg did not help.

Cant see why your mad, bumed out maybe.

If he wants to get his act to together, who are you to stop him. It is his life no one should control an others life.

And dating a guy who is attatched w/someone else was part of where the trouble started.

So find some one else(not attached) and start over. Thats all you can do, you cant just go moppeing around all day.

just dont act like a child next time.

 

[Rex]

sending nasty mssg was childish,
It may have added to the reasons why he wanted to stop, It's like you put the iceing on the cake for him.

He has a right to experiment, he tried and thought he was better off with her. He may have seen how you acted before and that may have planted the seed of doubt, of course your childish mssg did not help.

Cant see why your mad, bumed out maybe.

If he wants to get his act to together, who are you to stop him. It is his life no one should control an others life.

And dating a guy who is attatched w/someone else was part of where the trouble started.

So find some one else(not attached) and start over. Thats all you can do, you cant just go moppeing around all day.

just dont act like a child next time.

I agree with you but this was my first guy that I ever had feelings for so I wasn't experienced with this. I was not in the right state of mind when I sent that message or acted the way I did.

Unfortunately, we didn't talk about our feelings until after the fact. If we talked more before it ended I could have understood where he was coming from better.

To be honest I wish him the best now. I'm just mad at myself for reacting the way I did.

I sent him an apology message explaining everything and I hope he forgives me but I told him in the message he doesn't have to respond and he hasn't. So I'm just hoping that ended this on good terms with him but I guess I'll never know.

 

[mj2006a]

First of all, falling is love or into infatuation hurts when it is not corresponded the way we want. Yet, it is one of those feelings that despite of the hurting must make us proud to feel like real HUMANS. Many times in the sex games we forget we are dealing with human beings aside from just an ass or cock (which we all like anyway). I am total bisexual and I am not in denial of my gay side or my hetero side. I have been infatuated with a guy and dreamed of living with him but reality calls. When I started with this gay thing..I wish I could take a pill and have it disappear. As with love or infatuation, the gay thing takes an approach...a cold turkey cutting approach and a refocus of matters. He will never forget what he had with you. My bet is that when he is around 40ish he will again think or guys if he is already not thinking of them but at this time he is trying to refocus his energy into his girlfriend. Perhapas he will never mess up with guys again. Some guys just work their sexuality out later in life due to some limited information, clarification and environment during teenyears. You must have been of great service to this guy who needed a friend with whom to experiment and finally realize that he tends more into women and wants to stay with them.

Just hang in there. You accepted you are gay, you embraced this life without major drama.... he did not... with drama or not...he is embracing the hetero life (at least so far). Let him go.

You are a human being and that is a terrific feeling to have.

 

[Rex]

But I don't think he's gay.

I think he's truly bi.

Maybe he will end up being gay later in life. I've seen that before with men who get married, get divorced and then in their 40's begin their "gay life".

I honestly don't see that with him though. I think he's going to end up getting married, having kids, MAYBE cheating on his wife with men, but I don't see him ever going full on gay and having relationships with men.

 

[mj2006a]

I total agree with you. The said thing is that he will cheat on his wife and I will not judge him at all. At that point with kids he absolutely has no choice. Family first. However, he will wish he had remained single and getting guys once in a while. Cheating kills our emotions...... I know first hand.