My friend is a repressed homosexual?

[rammeh]

Kind of a long back story here:

I met this guy about a year ago, we hung out quite a bit, and once I learned that he had several gay friends I went ahead and told him I was gay too. He was perfectly okay with it, and we had some deep emotional conversations over the next few weeks, mostly about our parents and growing up.

We spent quite a bit of time together, and I would often hang out with his girlfriend and him. They were very close and would frequently ask to have sex while I was over at her house.

I confessed to him that when I first met him I was very attracted to him (He is really good looking, in my opinion), but that those feelings dissipated as we became true friends. He was perfectly okay with hearing that, citing being comfortable with his sexuality.

Anyways, we spent enough time together for me to learn several key things about him:
-- He loves macho posturing. A lot. With everybody. Always tries to appear in control, and if you make threatening statements toward him he becomes defensive.
-- He flirts with just about every pretty woman we meet.
-- Has dated a lot of women and apparently is an "amazing" lover, according to his previous girlfriends.


Alright, now fast forward to this summer. Currently, we are both 20 and single. We didn't have much time to hang out during the school year, but come June we spent more time together, going gambling frequently.

One night, on the drive home from the casino, he asked me out of the blue "Can I have a blowjob?"
Naturally, I was shocked, and after confirming he was serious I went ahead and gave him it. He asked to fuck me, and I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea, I just wanted to stick with what we were doing. He proceeded to grope me and finger me the rest of the time, until I got him off.
Afterward, he told me that "This will never happen again", and he thought "I would enjoy it, and so would he," hence why he asked.

We didn't hang out again until two days later, and after we'd gotten back to his house around 11pm, watched a movie and I talked a bit to him as he laid on the couch half-asleep. As I was running out of things to say, he told me that he was half-hard. I asked him what he wanted to do about that, and he didn't say anything. So I asked him if he wanted another blowjob.

As it happened, I gave it to him, and the same things happened as last time - only he sucked me off this time as well.
So we were getting really into it, and he again requested to fuck me. This time, I let him, and he got off pretty quick.

Afterward, I cuddled with him for a little while and he said the same things - "This will never happen again", and "I'm feeling pretty shocked right now".
He asked me to go home because he needed time to think. So before I went to bed that night he texted me,
"Hey I'm sorry but it was a mistake to do that I wasn't thinking clearly and I don't think we should hang out for a couple days; please don't ever bring this up; I don't regret much in life but this I do, I'm sorry..."



As you can imagine I'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions over this and I'm going to be really upset if I've ruined our friendship because it was not my intention to take advantage of him.

Does anyone have any theories or suggestions on this? It's totally right now for me.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I don't blame you for being frustrated and upset. This guy is trouble. And clearly friendship means something different to him than it does to you. Friends don't use friends like a human fleshlight (twice) and then tell them to get lost.

At the moment he wants to avoid you. I say, let him. It would be almost impossible for your friendship to go back to what it was before. But in case he does want to pick up where you left off, I think you both need to have one more serious, non-judgmental talk to straighten out your feelings. Pretending nothing happened isn't going to be a good thing for either one of you.

To protect your own sanity, you need to separate who you are and what you want from who he is and what he wants. Don't let him manipulate you into believing that what happened was your fault. You're not responsible for his messed-up sexuality.

 

[G-Lexington]

I don't know about "repressed", but apparently, he's experimenting. And as is common with many guys who experiment, he's experiencing a heavy amount of post-orgasmic guilt. He's letting his dick do the thinking pre-orgasm, and afterwards, is doing the "oh no I shouldn't have doen that" routine.

What should you do? Talk to him. I know he said "never bring this up" but you've got emotions and needs, too. "You may just have been experimenting with gay sex this past week, and I'm cool with that. I won't tell anybody about it if you'd rather I didn't. But I'm not interested in doing the 'yes I am wait no I'm not' thing. If you want to fool around some more, great. If you don't think it's a good idea to keep doing it, I'm cool with that. But don't come on to me when you're horny, and then push me away once you've shot your load. That's just rude."

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

As you can imagine I'm feeling a lot of mixed emotions over this and I'm going to be really upset if I've ruined our friendship because it was not my intention to take advantage of him.

Does anyone have any theories or suggestions on this? It's totally right now for me.

You're worried that you took advantage of him?

Let's do the gender switch here. Let's pretend you're a girl.

A friend of mine has a girlfriend. He and I are just friends although I am attracted to him. We were on a trip and he asked me to give him a blowjob and I did. I didn't let him fuck me. After he came he said, 'This can't happen again'.

Then a couple of weeks later, we were at his house and he says, 'I'm half hard' and so I give him a blowjob. He did eat my pussy this time, though. Let him fuck me and he came really fast. After he came, he said, 'This can't happen again. Please leave so that I can think'.

Now, would you accuse this girl of using the guy and trying to ruin their friendship?

No, you would probably tell her that he's just being the second piece of ass and that the guy, her 'friend' is using her.

So, I'm telling you... "You're just being the second piece of ass and your friend is using you".

Take control of your life. Don't let "straight" guys use you for blowjobs and a warm, wet place to stick their dick. Go find someone who is able to admit they like cock- someone who can love you back and doesn't have post-orgasmic remorse.

 

[Seasoned]

Sex does not equal love. My guess is that sexual encounters with two people can be one of three things: one person is using the other, both are using the other, both are equally concerned about self and the other. It seems so far there is a lot of using in what has happened so far. There's nothing wrong with that, but it seems that many people want to call it more than what it is and then suffer for doing so. If you want more, insist on some tenderness.

 

[rr72368]

haha. i love this thread.

 

[Lube]

How long had he been single before this started? I'll bet his lapse in judgment was due to a lack of sex for a prolonged period of time. He definitely wasn't thinking straight and likely thought that he could easily get help getting off since he knew you liked guys.

You know, I love when people say this. But it's the lamest excuse ever.

Do gay guys, who typically have tons of girl friends, get frustrated from a lack of sex and go screw their female friends? Never!

So why do we use that excuse for "straight" guys fucking their gay friends? It's absurd.

Anyway, this guy is so not straight it's not even funny. He might be using you, or he might be confused about his sexuality. To say, "we're never going to talk about this again" twice is a little absurd, don't you think? He's gone back on his word once already.

In any case, he is trouble!

If he comes out, then fine, have sex with him.

As long as he's a closet/denial case, stay as far away from him as you possibly can!

 

[Coffee]

Don't think too much, man. If I were at your situation I would do it too. It's him suggested for sex. Not you. Don't blame yourself. You have no fault. Let him think what he want.
Second thing. Everyone is often confused/ feeling regret after sex.
Just don't worry or make any move toward him yet. Or he would blame you. He's kinda confusing.

 

[Telstra]

good story.
He is horny, he is comfortable with his sexuality and he wants a blow job.

Nothing wrong with that. Just do it again and again until he don't want to do anymore.

 

[rr72368]

I don't make excuses. I just threw out a possible reason because I was trying to look at the situation from a different perspective. And you'd be surprised at what some people will do and why.

hey bi-guy! said people have curiosities, it's not like the OP friend paid the OP for this experience. this guy wanted it and if he didn't want to, he wouldn't've done it the first time... let alone the second time when they went further.

fool me once. shame on me.
fool me twice. shame on you.

 

[rareboy]

You're being used.

I would tell your friend that you agree. The two of you shouldn't hang out for a couple of days.

About 21,000 to be exact.

Don't let anyone use you and then throw you out with the trash.

 

[G-Lexington]

Um, you're all aware that this thread is about ten weeks old, yes no?

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Yeah, but it seemed like it makes some sense to reinforce the point since rr whatever brought it up again.

 

[Lube]

^And we all like to blather on incessantly and hear ourselves talk.

 

[Lube]

Gay guys don't screw their female friends out of a lack of sex. This is true because they are GAY and don't like GIRLS. A guy could easily think something along the lines of, "fuck I'm so horny hey maybe my gay friend will help me since he likes guys and I'm a guy ha ha." Granted, it probably doesn't happen very often (aka close to never?), but still. It's a possibility.

That's exactly my point. Turn your statement around, and this is what I'm saying:

"Straight guys don't screw their male friends out of a lack of sex. This is true because they are STRAIGHT and don't like GUYS."

Here's where your statement doesn't make sense if we turn it around:
"A gay guy could easily think something along the lines of, "fuck, I'm so horny hey maybe my female friend will help me since she likes guys and I'm a guy ha ha."

Ain't gonna happen.

 

[G-Lexington]

You're not watching enough porn, Lube.

Lex

 

[Lube]

You're not watching enough porn, Lube.

Lex

Oh, you mean that gay-for-pay stuff ain't real?!

I know porn pays for this web site, but I don't really watch the stuff.

I subscribe to a couple kinky photo groups on Yahoo Groups, and save "interesting" photos from there. My bf laughs at me, because I never look back once I save them. I don't know why I save them.

I find my imagination is much better than 99% of porn video. So I use an image as fodder for building up a story in my brain. Yum. Good thing I don't actually do half the things I imagine doing.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I find my imagination is much better than 99% of porn video. So I use an image as fodder for building up a story in my brain. Yum. Good thing I don't actually do half the things I imagine doing.

Ditto. Which is just as well. Where the hell am I supposed to find a gargoyle, a robot, and that much vanilla pudding, anyway?

Lex

 

[TX-Beau]

I’m going to disagree with some of the other posters. Straight men use gay men to get off because gay men present the opportunity. How many women friends of us gay men let you know that if you’re hard up enough, they’ll take care of you. How many gay men have slept with women trying to be straight? The difference between most men and most women is that a lot of men, especially young men are generally quite capable of seeing the gay guy as glorified masturbation.

Is that every straight guy? Not by a long shot but they are out there.

That said, I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. Straight guys, as most of us have direct experience with, won’t touch your cock.

So what’s going on? You’ve got a conflicted boy. Is he straight/gay, does it matter? Pursuing a sexual relationship isn’t going to get you anywhere anyway.

Conflicted boys will screw you over every time.

 

[spencer]

I agree with TX. Men and women are two different beasts. Women don't typically even like how penises look. Guys will get off on anything. They'll stick their dicks in watermelons to get off.

He isn't completely straight, getting off on a hole is a hole is way different from, him sucking your dick.

That said, you need to remove your feelings from this guy and only expect that any sexual activity with him is sex and nothing more. If you fall for him, you're going to get hurt bad. He's either not ready to be gay or he'll be married with a gay guy on the side. If you're willing to be that perpetual gay guy on the side, then that's your choice. but don't thing you'll be anything more than that.

I would just enjoy the moments (future moments even) and concentrate my romantic fantasies on actual gay men.