My friend said…(NOT a "in love w/a friend" thread)

[KaraBulut]

Re: My friend said…(NOT a "in love w/a friend" thr

Since when did friends "have" to know whether you're straight/gay/bi/lesbian? They don't come out and openly tell you they're straight/gay/bi/lesbian, so why should you? I wouldn't tell my best mate, for that exact reason, he reacted the same way this guy did to Stephen. Not saying he shouldn't come out to him, now, or ever. Just saying I don't think its a smart idea. But then, what do I know? :ijustworkhere:

Why is it so important to someone else who you choose to sleep with or have sex with or whatever?

Perhaps the difference is the definition of "friend" (or "best friend"). Recall that Stephen said that he was out to 50% of his friends- just not his "best friend".

In these days of Facebook and MySpace, the definition of friend is somewhat casual. There are guys that you can go have a few beers with- probably better described as "drinking buddies" than friends. There are guys that you can hang with - probably better described as "the guys" than friends. The people you work with- probably better called "co-workers" than friends.

In my book, a friend is someone that you can be yourself.


And yes, I know whether every one of my friends is straight/gay/bi/lesbian. We discuss our relationships openly regardless of the plumbing involved.

So, IntoTheDarkness - are you saying that you don't have any friends that know you're gay?

 

[innocentbychoice]

Re: My friend said…(NOT a "in love w/a friend" thr

In my book, a friend is someone that you can be yourself.

Totally agree. I haven't followed yours and IntotheDarkness argument but this is what I think as well.

I have to tell people I'm gay in order to be closer to them. Don't know why, even if I'm not gonna say anything about being gay they have to know, otherwise I feel like I'm holding a part of myself, and there's no way that person can be my close friend.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Re: My friend said…(NOT a "in love w/a friend" thr

Perhaps the difference is the definition of "friend" (or "best friend"). Recall that Stephen said that he was out to 50% of his friends- just not his "best friend".

In these days of Facebook and MySpace, the definition of friend is somewhat casual. There are guys that you can go have a few beers with- probably better described as "drinking buddies" than friends. There are guys that you can hang with - probably better described as "the guys" than friends. The people you work with- probably better called "co-workers" than friends.

In my book, a friend is someone that you can be yourself.


And yes, I know whether every one of my friends is straight/gay/bi/lesbian. We discuss our relationships openly regardless of the plumbing involved.

So, IntoTheDarkness - are you saying that you don't have any friends that know you're gay?

Exactly. I'm sure theres a few people who know or suspect it, but meh. If he (or me, or anyone else) doesn't want to come out, why should we have to? On the other hand, if he does, then it's up to him. I just seem to get the wrong impression when your answer for everything is to come out. I assume you're out, and like I said, I don't know how good or bad it went for you (I assume good) but you have to remember it isn't the same for everyone.

Just for the record, there are a couple of people I'm thinking of telling. One guy I used to work with (he quit about two months ago) I talked to last night, and kinda hinted at it, but didn't tell him. I don't think he'd care, he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. But most of the other people I know are highly homophobic.

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: My friend said…(NOT a "in love w/a friend" thr

Exactly. I'm sure theres a few people who know or suspect it, but meh. If he (or me, or anyone else) doesn't want to come out, why should we have to? .

Well, one really good reason is that you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone. It's hard to find a relationship when you don't let anyone know that you're gay, interested and available.

Try it with the ex coworker- see how it goes.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Re: My friend said…(NOT a "in love w/a friend" thr

Try what? Telling him? Eh, I don't think its important, or something he needs to know. He keeps trying to tell me (I talked to him on the phone just before) to shag the bitch next door (shes been stalking me here, on myspace, msn, faceboook and the like for two months) even though she's real fat and ugly, so he wants me to set him up with her...

Did I mention he's hot too?

 

[hanzosword]

Re: My friend said…(NOT a "in love w/a friend" thr

I never came out to anyone either but before you do it you should be prepared for the possibility that you might lose him. I wish you the best in telling him and hopefully he will see that you are the same person. Do you have any feelings for this friend?

 

[TX-Beau]

Re: My friend said…(NOT a "in love w/a friend" thr

By and large, the only people who will tell you to stay in the closet, are people in the closet. Unless you live in Iran

I haven't met the gay man yet who said he was happier in the closet.

When I came out, a lot of my friends freaked because they thought associating with a gay friend reflected on them. That was their problem. Some came around some didn't and that's just life in the big city. No one can tell you how he's gonna react. You either take the plunge or you don't. A decision that reflects on your strength and character not his.

You don't know how much effort and angst you put into hiding until you stop - and anyway, is hiding in the closet being afraid of what other people are going to say really any way you want to live your life?