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My friendship

  • Thread starter Thread starter ShadowCat
  • Start date Start date
S

ShadowCat

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Hey guys I need a little help. I have this friend known him since grade school and we were really tight would spend hours on the phone over summer vacations just shootin the shit. Well we kept in contact after I graduated high school and would still talk on the phone again hours at a time. I graduated 06 he graduated 07 so not much between us in ages. After we both graduated we kept in touch though not as much but we would still talk to each other from time to time again the long conversations. We fell out of touch for a bit he had been on facebook for a bit and even had messenger so the conversations went from phone to a few messages here and there to remembering each other on our birthdays to now nothing it has been over 6 years since we had really any contact. I know he had some substance issues Senior year and was a mess and recently fell off the wagon but he never told me, I would have tried helping him! A while back he posted pics of him and a guy looking chummy at the pride parade so I finally bit the bullet and asked if he was gay. I am not interested in him sexually-AT ALL!! I just would have liked an actual face 2 face friend who we could talk about our true selves with someone who I know would have my back and his in return. He never answered me, I even outright asked if we were still friends or if I should fuck off; again never answered me. I have seen his profile on grindr, he has a face pic I do not, so he doesn't know its me, we have never contacted each other. I am wondering if I should reach out I would like my friend back, I miss him. Is reaching out on grindr too much? Is it an invasion of privacy? Will he hate me for it? Should I just call T.O.D. on the friendship? :confused:
 
Since he's pretty much ghosting you i'd move on, plenty more guys out there.


Time to move on.
 
It sounded like you two had a good friends relationship and then like you said it's kinda took a turn. If your on a gay site looking at him but he doesn't know its you I wouldn't push it too much. But it's up to you if you wanna go the distance and see if you can becomw friends again good luck
 
I wasn't looking for or at him per se I downloaded it to see who was around me and he popped up as being near me as he still lives in the neighborhood. I dont know I might contact him. But as things have gone I doubt I'll get anywhere.
 
If he won't talk he won't, you won't get anywhere by trying to push it, especially if he's not ready to tell you he's gay, he's not going to talk to you.

Does HE know YOU are gay?

If you are trying to be a friend, text him, say you're still his friend, and when he wants to talk, you're always there for him.

Then leave it alone.
 
The problem with trying to text is I don't know if his number is even service and no he doesn't know i'm gay
 
There are different types of friendship. There are friends who are friends in a particular time in their life when they need a friend. It is possible for those friendships to continue but it some cases, it's difficult to maintain them.

Because there's not a clear explanation of why the distance between the two you developed and you don't know what has happened in his life in the past few years, it's hard to know why he's not responding to your messages.

The real issue is that you are looking for a close friend. Instead of trying to revisit the past, maybe it makes more sense to look for a sometone in the present who you have some things in common with who can be that friend you're wanting?

If you contact him on his birthday, then do that this year and when you do, include a brief update about yourself, including that you're gay.
 
I know there is a term for it now (ghosting) but before that I thought it was just normal to sometimes drift apart with no particular reason.

The gay connection might not be enough.

In my experience I have discovered too often if it no longer fits for whatever just let it go He might even be doing you a favor as you mention substance abuse issues.

If you do still want to pursue it and think the gay connection will help you rekindle your friendship I would suggest just being honest about who you are with no expectations - just leave it on the table.
 
I lost my best of BEST friends (from elementary, jr., & sr. high) when I came out to him as being bisexual; he claimed that it was "people like me that were responsible for AIDS." I miss him to this day.

I've had other friends that drunkenly admitted to me their bi-curiosity, and next day social distancing before it was required.

I mirror Mr. cabinfever's suggestion of just being honest with no expectations ... an expectation is nothing more than a down-payment on a resentment. People will come in and out of our lives, let's just enjoy the times that we have together. Setting him free, sadly, may just be the best thing for the both of you ... hopefully not, but maybe.
 
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