My FWB; lack of a connection

[lamiejamie]

Hmm I don't have much bedroom experience..

but why not try taking a break from him for a while? That way yall could think about the relationship and what it means to each of you. Maybe he'll realize what he's missing out on. It's the whole... you want even more what you don't have kind of thing.

OR... this could be the complete wrong thing to do and I end up causing the end of a relationship!! haha i take no responsibility

 

[Lube]

I think he's just pulling back emotionally because he doesn't want me to fall in love/lust with him

Isn't that how fwb's work? You don't want to get too emotional in the bedroom because, despite our protestations to the contrary, it is easier to fall in love when you are emotionally connected.

 

[tallguy297]

I've been having sex with this guy for about three or four months now, and while the sex is mindblowing, I find that something's a little lacking when we're actually getting down to the act itself. I mean, I always enjoy myself and I really hope he does too, but the spark is completely missing, unlike my previous sexual partner... I was really into him, and while I don't think he was fully into me, and neither of us came, I found it to be far superior in terms of spiritual attraction.

The strangest thing is, I feel much more of an emotional and mental attraction to him (my current FWB) when we're just hanging out and being friends. I mean, I really like the sex and he seems to be very interested in my big dick (he's said as much quite a few times ), but I don't know. I think he's just pulling back emotionally because he doesn't want me to fall in love/lust with him (which I definitely won't; I've set up very clear boundaries in my mind about what I want from the relationship).

What should I do about this? Should I discuss it with him? We're not JUST sexual partners, and we're good enough friends that I think we'd be able to talk about something like this without it being too awkward... If I should talk with him about it, what should I say?

Domino, I think the answer lies in the 2 lines I've put up in bold...

My guess is that in your mind you've decided that this more a "business relationship" than last time... And your first line tells me that you really actually need more than that to really enjoy yourself and let yourself go with another guy.

Sex is more than just a physical experience and while pounding away might satisfy the basic mechanical urges you have, perhaps until you really actually care for and connect with the guy at a real and emotional level it wont ever be truly fulfilling for you.

Perhaps mate, you really do need to fall head first...

 

[G-Lexington]

As TG pointed out, it sounds like you've already determined precisely what this relationship will be. And it also doesn't quite seem like you've shared this information with him. Yeah, I know - "that would be awkward". But you know my theory - if you're sticking your dicks in each other, you should be beyond the awkward stage. You should be able to talk about what's going on, both in and out of the bedroom. So do it already.

lex

 

[hylas]

you say the sex is "mindblowing" and you always enjoy it, but its also lacking and completely devoid of any spark... whahuh? sounds to me like what you are experiencing and what your mind thinks it should be experiencing isnt quite the same.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>So what should I tell him? I'm really not good at this social skills shit, and I really don't want to freak him out, so anything you could offer would be very helpful.

I guess that depends. If I read your post correctly, you're enjoying the sex a lot, but you think he's "holding back" somewhat out of fear that you might think you're no longer "fucking" but instead "making love". And you think if he "let go", the sex would go from amazing to...well, whatever is a level or three above amazing.

So that's what you want to get across. The main thing is to keep everything on YOU. You don't want to accuse him of anything. No on "You're doing this". Yes on "It seems to me like perhaps you're doing this."

"First off, just want to say sex with you is amazing. But I sort of get the feeling that you're...well, it's hard to say. But perhaps holding back a bit? I'm thinking maybe you're worried that if you really let loose, you'll think I'm making this out to be something it isn't. I'm well aware that we're friends with benefits - incredible benefits, I hasten to add. But I just want to reassure you that I'm very secure in my feelings towards you. You're a friend, you're a fantastic sex partner, and that's all. I don't know how accurate my assessment is, but I just didn't want you to feel you needed to hold anything back for fear I'll misconstrue something."

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

Don't feel like an idiot. Feel smart for taking the initiative to check up on your feelings instead of stewing in them.

Lex