My guy needs to get in better shape..

[SimpleMan]

Hey fellas, bit of a dilemma here with my man, and I was hoping you could help us with.
Long story short; he needs to take better care of himself.

We've been together for a while now, and I've never been closer to somebody, but I worry about his health, I want to keep him around for a while! He's 28, 5'11" and around 280 lbs, his cholesterol is off the charts, and as of about a month ago he's taking medication for it.

I've suggested the two if us going on a diet together, as I could stand to loose about 20 lbs while we're at it, but even though he admits he needs to, it just fizzles out before it gets started. I'm trying to fix healthier foods and suggest that we walk more, but there's only so much you can do if you're in the cause alone, ya know?

The bad part is, his self esteem seems to be a big part of the problem. He really is a truly handsome example of the male specimen, but due to certain people & events in the past suggesting otherwise, he has trouble seeing it sometimes. So, it's like he just doesn't see the point, since he's unsatisfied no matter what shape he's in. I think it's getting better with me around, but there's still a lot of negativity built up & lurking.

Side note: He also snores.... like a weed eater. I'm hoping that if some of the weight is shed it could improve? I'm also beginning to worry about sleep apnea.

Sorry if that kind of trailed on & shimmied around, it's pretty late. To conclude, I love this guy with all my heart, but I want to know how to help him with his health so I can keep him. I know this might be like asking a stranger on the street why my car won't start, but I just was hoping for some tips on how I might get him to come around. He's beautiful, sweet, funny, and I want to help him be the best he can be.

Thank you,

SimpleMan

 

[Jerry]

Well his weight may very well be (atleast partly) to blame for his snoring, and sleep apnea is a valid concern here. If he already has sleep apnea, it may help to explain his lack of energy during the day and lack of motivation to get in shape. If he wakes short of breath or is tired after a lengthy sleep, or remains tired throughout the day, get him a sleep study and find out. Its not the end of the world, he'll most likely just get a CPAP and most people respond well to that. In some cases surgery is indicated, but you'll need to see a Doc to know for sure. To answer your question though, YES, losing weight can improve the snoring problem.

Other health concerns are DMII (diabetes), atherosclerosis (build up of fat basically in the blood vessels) which is the leading cause of another health concern, MI (myocardial infarction, heart attack).
Certain cancers and DVT (deep vein thrombosis, which can cause an embolism, which can be fatal) are a couple other things attributed to obesity and sedentary lifestyle. Of course there are others as well.

Just keep supporting him and encouraging him. Try to "sneak" exercise in whenever you can. Drag his butt to the mall and walk him around for a few hours, or take him for a swim, whatever you can think of to get him active. Once he gets going, it should be easier to convince him to be more active on his own.

You obviously care for him, so just keep showing him that and show him a little tough love once in a while if he needs it. Don't diet without him and leave him behind, get him involved and do it together.

 

[GM1985]

Do you know I was totally surprised when I read the OP!

I was gonna reply with "If he's happy then leave him be" BUT I find it really amazing how someone could care for another person so much as to wanna do everything in their power to help them.

I would suggest to keep doing what your doing, encouraging him to eat more healthily, excercise, all within moderation of course. Are there any activities you both enjoy doing that could count as excercise?

The potential conditions that Milboy explained are a reality, but I'm sure his doctor has already explained this? Which leads me to ask another question, did the doctor not refer you to a dietician or health councillor of some sort? Medically speaking, medication is only part of the treatment.

I totally understand how your partner could be feeling, but I hope you both manage to work something out and help to get him back to a healthier state!

Good Luck

 

[KaraBulut]

Since he's being put on medication for his high cholesterol levels, I'm assuming that his doctor also tested his thyroid level?

The other thing that I would worry about is depression- which can sap the energy out of a person and cause overeating and other problems.

Milboy's post alludes to a problem that we see in quite a few people- a circular set of circumstances that makes things get worse over time.

For example, sleep apnea does cause lethargy, depression, water retention and a host of other problems. The person gains more weight. The sleep apnea gets worse and the cycle continues all over again.

And that's probably where your boyfriend is. He's in a cycle of apathy and self-esteem issues that are causing his weight gain. The weight gain leads to self-esteem issues and the cycle begins again.

There is a limited amount that you can do to break the cycle. He needs to get help and work on the underlying issues himself. But certainly having someone who is willing to support him during the process is a good thing.

 

[tonyboy]

Hey fellas, bit of a dilemma here with my man, and I was hoping you could help us with.
Long story short; he needs to take better care of himself.

We've been together for a while now, and I've never been closer to somebody, but I worry about his health, I want to keep him around for a while! He's 28, 5'11" and around 280 lbs, his cholesterol is off the charts, and as of about a month ago he's taking medication for it.

I've suggested the two if us going on a diet together, as I could stand to loose about 20 lbs while we're at it, but even though he admits he needs to, it just fizzles out before it gets started. I'm trying to fix healthier foods and suggest that we walk more, but there's only so much you can do if you're in the cause alone, ya know?

The bad part is, his self esteem seems to be a big part of the problem. He really is a truly handsome example of the male specimen, but due to certain people & events in the past suggesting otherwise, he has trouble seeing it sometimes. So, it's like he just doesn't see the point, since he's unsatisfied no matter what shape he's in. I think it's getting better with me around, but there's still a lot of negativity built up & lurking.

Side note: He also snores.... like a weed eater. I'm hoping that if some of the weight is shed it could improve? I'm also beginning to worry about sleep apnea.

Sorry if that kind of trailed on & shimmied around, it's pretty late. To conclude, I love this guy with all my heart, but I want to know how to help him with his health so I can keep him. I know this might be like asking a stranger on the street why my car won't start, but I just was hoping for some tips on how I might get him to come around. He's beautiful, sweet, funny, and I want to help him be the best he can be.

Thank you,

SimpleMan

SimpleMan.
Holy cow man that is a touching testament to your love for your mate..
He is truly lucky to have you in his life.

Good for you that you don't look at a guys weight as a turn-off.. you are concerned about his weight because of the consequences the execss weight my affect his health.

Weight loss will be sure to stop his snoring and will defintely stop sleep apnea.
I hope he realizes what a good mate he has in you.

As you said ^, you cannot make someone do something they don't want to do.

I wish I could say with certainty that you could make him come around, but I cannot say that.
I'ts up to him in the long run.. You can offer advice, help, cooking better meals... all that you seem to be doing already.

Many people have past things in thier lives that cause them to have negative feelings about themselves... some get past them, others don't. Some use those past experiences as an excuse not to move forward, others get past them.

You seem like an excellent mate to your partner.. I hope he realizes how fine you are. And I hope he doesn't lose you.

You are a very good guy and a fine friend to your partner.
best to you.
tonyboy

 

[Jerry]

While I fully agree with you Tonyboy, I'd just like to make one point:
We don't know that his snoring or (potential) sleep apnea is directly and wholly related to his weight, so we don't know that weight loss will "definitely" resolve either issue.

Not to argue with you or anything like that, I just don't want the OP to get the wrong idea. It is entirely possible that losing weight will correct it (and I believe that's probably the case), but its not a sure thing.

Regardless, I think the heart of the problem here is the boyfriend's mental status. He's obviously got someone who loves him very much, and yet he seems to dwell on negatives. He needs some help, be it professional, spiritual, or otherwise.

 

[HungLawboy27]

I can totality relate to your situation. However, in my case it was my mother. All that Milboy has explained is the harsh reality, but I think the only things you can do are what you are doing. Just keep trying to motivate him and show your love. Even though it will ultimately be up to him. Though it sounds like he really wants to, but he just needs to get going and he will be fine. Good Luck!

 

[lonnie1]

Since I've lived most of my life feeling ashamed of my body, I think I can empathize with your friend. However, when I look back at photos of me in my mid 20's I look pretty good. My suggestion is to get your friend to a psychotherapist to uncover the reasons he is overeating. He needs to change his eating habits and lifestyle and if he's successful, he'll be thanking you for the rest of your life.

 

[foodandart]

The absolute easiest way to lose weight is to start by eating things with LESS than five ingredients on the list. Also, stick to simple words.. anything that is hyphenated or composed of multiple-syllable chemical compounds - avoid.

One can eat like a plowman if the food you eat IS marginally refined.

The more energy the body has to expend in digestion, the less fat ends up on the belly.

Go slow at first, changing or removing a few things from your diet each month..

Start by looking into your fridge and pantry and remove the products that have enriched, bleached white flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil and high-fructose corn syrup (that's the BIGGEST evil).

Make the first meal of the day be one with a good amount of protein and an omega-3 or 6 fat (I use hemp hearts - they get sprinkled on my egg and beans). Include a small amount of greens - baby spinach or spring greens to balance the meal.

Salad dressing: Nothing more complex than Italian - I make mine with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

Change the kind of bread - use the heaviest, grainiest kind you can find.

If you have items like peanut butter in the house - dump the Skippy or JIF and go for the kind that is made only of peanuts and salt.

Holmes out sauces and condiments that are sweetened with cane sugar or honey. Use those.

If you drink soda of any kind, don't go for the diet kinds, but instead drink ones made with cane sugar.. they're generally more expensive and you don't find them sold in 2-liter jugs, so they become an occasional treat, instead of a staple.

Above ALL, make the changes in increments - give yourself a year - at least - to change out the ingredients. One of the things you will find is that the costs, *initially* SEEM higher, but once you get the insulin spikes leveled out you will find that the correct balance of fats, plants and carbs will hold you for longer through the day and you will eat LESS.

If you fall off the rails and go for the pint of Ben and Jerry's (single serving size !!YUM!!) don't beat yourself up about it. Just get on with it and get back to the plan - I veer of the road all the time but each time I spring back and oddly enough get less guilt-ridden about it and it happens less and less.

It's VERY hard to overcome the constant ads, so maybe kicking the teevee in the head and using hulu or an online source to view programs will minimize exposure, (we got rid of out telly when we started to diet and it's amazing the sheer number of 'food' products on the market now we don't know - or more importantly CARE about) and that is a HUGE part of making healthier choices.

There's an EXCELLENT book called The Omnivore's Dilemma, written by a gent named Michael Pollan. I cannot recommend it enough, so get thee to a library and read it.

My husband is a trained chef who's lost over 30 lbs in just under two years and we have been amazed in the benefits to our health, sex life and looks so we've both very much got religion on the real food as healthcare tack.

Keep your chin up, no matter what.. You seem like a true heart so put the best foods in front of your sweetie that you can.. All he may need is a 10 lb. drop in weight to get him to see his positive attributes - and if he's handsome as you say he is, and the weight loss starts to show on his face - that is usually the easiest 'hook' to get him in gear with. Worked a charm for my husband, once his face thinned out and he lost the middle-age fat cheeks he had, his twenty-year old face popped out and all it took were some old photos from when he was at his peak weight to convince him of the benefit..

Regards,

Deb.

 

[gay boy 123]

Use a contour ab belt, I got a rock hard six pack!