My married psuedo boyfriend..

[slyfer]

Well it seems I have a saga of my own. And this may be a long post btw. My friend just left for a cruise today for a week so I won't be hearing from him for a week. And it's not enough to talk to my best girlfriend about this whole thing and I figured this would entertain someone.

Background is that we've known each other for a couple years because we're both the same(were, i graduated) major in college. I met him in Genetics through a chick I knew from physics class the semester before. And as soon as I realized he was ok with gays I started hitting on him hard, like I usually do straight guys to turn the possible tension to laughter. Ever since then we've all scheduled most of our classes together and all of our labs we had together which is where we got to socialize the most.

Over the course of our first class together, I figured out that he and the girl i met him through liked each other but they both had significant others so they couldn't do anything and pretty much swept their like for each other under the rug. Over the years I've basically been conditioning him because I really liked the guy. Hitting on him everyday I saw him, poking him, slight and quick stroking his arm. All of it just being in jest really. Because he's physically my exact type that I go for and he really is one of the sweetest guys ever, i just kind of fell in love with the idea of him. But nothing serious, I just struck it up as another one of my crushes.

So a couple of years, alot of classes later, and fast forward to this mid April we actually finally get to hang out with him outside of class and outside of doing classwork. We've never really gotten to hang out with him because he had gotten married the summer before and his wife turned into a controlling bitch who would pretty much keep him on lock and key. Basically she turned evil bitch after they got married and it's been spiraling down ever since.The group consists of me, him, girl who I met him through, and my now best girlfriend who we met two semesters ago in our lab and became our fourth in our group. We go out to the gay club here and we're all dancing and having a good time. And if there was a moment where everything started it's this point.

The fourth, the second girl, needs to go put something in her car and we're all lined up and i'm joking with him to hold my hand as we walk her to her car. He's like "No haha." So I smoothly hook onto his arm and slide my hand down to his and clasp it. And we continue to walk like nothing happened. Fast forward to us all going back into the club to dance. This round i'm dancing with him pretty much groping him everywhere except his dick and he's not opposing any of it. Could have been because the girls was near he was ok with dancing with both of us or just didn't really have a problem with it. Fast forward, and we're leaving; the girls and just us two. On our way to the car to leave I go "I guess I'm not gonna get a kiss from you tonight huh?" Basically just to fuck with him like i usually do. He goes "Well the night's not over yet." After that I was super giddy but acting normal with just a smile on my face. So I go to drop him off where he's sleeping for the night and he gives me a quick peck on the lips. So i'm fucking ecstatic at this point because after all these years, I got him to go a little further than normal. Even if there was a little alcohol in him.

Next morning him and the first girl are blowing up my phone as I'm trying to sleep talking about how awesome last night was as I was about to ignore the rest of their texts I found out that they were sexting later that night! Most would probably be upset by the news, but I wasn't. I was happy for them, mainly because I knew how long they had liked each other so it wasn't COMPLETELY surprising. Fast forward to the next night, I take them back to their cars because they both rode with me. They both sat in the back seat and eventually made out on the ride home. And I was giddy with excitement. It was like seeing drama unfold at it's very core. I literally saw from the rear view mirror when they leaned in and started the make out session. But sadly that's exactly what it ended up being, a big drama fest.

After that it wasn't the same. The guy basically had an awakening that he was in love with the girl. The girl however (who probably felt the same way but because she's her she brushed it aside) didn't want to start up a relationship with him. So I was pretty much the person who had to deal with the pieces from him being so heartbroken over the whole ordeal. He told me he was willing to leave his wife for the girl and move with her because she was gonna go off to grad school in another state. I was the person who he vented to, and talked to because he couldn't really tell anybody else about what happened.

After that, and because of that ordeal we formed a bond, and pretty much started to hang out with each other as much as time permitted. Most days we'd go up to school just to hang out with each other and skip the classes we had with each other. It got to a point where apparently some people on campus thought we were dating because we were around each other anytime one of us was on campus. From here I'm just gonna note the specific instances where i could notice him sorta falling for me.

The night before one of our tests, earlier that day he asked me to come over so he could cook dinner for me and afterwards we could study. I was really psyched after he told me he wanted to cook for me. Sadly i was later disappointed to learn that the wife would be there eating with us. But I brushed it off but remained a little annoyed and told him so later. After eating and him falling asleep leaving me to watch tv for an hour with his wife there to keep me company, we left to go actually study. I stopped being annoyed after just being around him again. So blah blah blah we're on our way back to his apt and i'm messing with him like I usually do and was groping at his nipples. He covered them up as he drove, then I told him if he doesn't let me at his nipples, i'm going for his dick. There was a quick silence as he didn't move a muscle away from his nipples and I just went for it. And i made sure to do it slow enough to where he knew what I was about to do and to where he had MORE than enough time to stop it if he so wished....then I grabbed it. I was pretty much in shock after I did because my hand landed precisely where his dick was and I had the whole thing in my hand. After a couple seconds of my hand right there he then moved and told me to take my hand off it. And then we laughed about it, then I did it again because I had reminded him i owed him two because of some earlier stunts of his. Now before you think anything, this is a guy who often drives with just his knees, so if he WANTED to stop me, he was more than capable of doing so while driving or not.

I'll pick this up later as I'm a little tired of typing. But eventually i'll get to the point.

 

[slyfer]

Ok back to it.

A couple weeks after the car thing. I went to go hang out with him at his apt alone. From there we ended up going to the pool and hung out there for a while til his wife came home and joined us. Eventually he got hungry and we both went up to his apt so he could get some food. While he was finishing up eating I kept thinking to myself I finally had him alone and half clothed because of the swimming. So I got this bright idea to randomly look into my shorts, just so I could trail the conversation towards where I wanted it. He asked me what I was doing and I told him just looking at my junk because I could. Then I told him "let me see yours." And he was like "you wouldn't wanna see it, i'm not trimmed up." And I told him I didn't care. So I walked over towards the door as he was putting up his dishes. When he got over there to me he opened his shorts and was like "see." And I got about 5 seconds of his dick (not in it's full glory but that was a large stepping stone). After that all 4 of us were hanging out by the pool where he and the wife were sorta bickering that led to them talking about how if he left her and basically how both of them would end up killing the other's family. It was pretty hilarious and all I could do is shake my head at them both.

Side info: He got married at 21 and she was 19 i believe. He's 22, 6'4, jet black hair with grey hairs spread out through, tall and skinny but with some alcohol pudge on him(I think it's cute) and I'm 23. Wife is pretty much short and dumpy. Not exactly FAT fat. But droopy saggy fat, double chin action going on. Basically, how did he end up with that. I know the backstory to why but it's a long story.

Fast forward to last wednesday night. Me, him, his friend(which i was pissed about because I thought it was just gonna be me, him and the girl and her friend), fourth girl in the lab group, and her friend. We ended up at a bar hanging out and just drinking. Bar closes and we head to our cars. The girl and her friend go to her car and proceeds to do lovey dovey stuff and me, his friend and him just start talking to each other. The friend of his is pretty much glued to his phone texting someone. So I stand by my friend and put my arm behind me so his friend couldn't see where my hand was, which was gently stroking his arm. Normally my friend would just swat my hand away as I mess with him alot. This time he didn't... I took this as I had finally gotten an opening. We walked over to my friend's car(the pseudo bf) and his friend was on the passenger side standing over the car on the hood. As his friend was glue to his phone texting, completely oblivious to any kind of movements on our side of the car, I started to grab his dick. At first I thought he didn't feel it and was expecting him to swat my hand away like he usually would. Then I started getting REALLY good feels AND he was getting a semi thus i deduced that he was letting me play with his dick. I was pretty much completely floored and just looked at him and smiled and he smiled back. After about a minute or two they decided to head out. Right before they decided to leave the P. bf asked me if I wanted to go with him to do laundry in the morning. I said sure of course. And that was that.
So I get home about 30 minutes later and I hear a text and it was him. "So r u happy or what?" And long story short, I ended up coaxing him to send me a picture of it because I wanted to see it. So once again, a leap and a bound has been made and I never thought it would get this far.

So the next day rolls around and instead of going to do laundry with him he figures he'll just stop by my house and hang out for a little bit. So we do just that. I didn't immedieatly jump all over him but after he got situated I started groping him and him just smiling about it. I tried to play with it a little bit, then stop, then do it again, then stop. I tried not to seem over eager about the whole thing. Throughout him hanging out he was texting his wife which culminated to him having to leave because she was summoning him. So I decided to ditch the coy act and just tell him I wanted to see it and just went up his shorts. His positioning was a bit off to where I couldn't exactly get to it. So he repositioned himself so I could go up the pant leg. Then I told him to pull it out so i could see it. He pulled it out for a quick second then he threw it back in and he had to leave but it was quite obvious he was getting a major chubby from it because he was like "Ok you gotta stop now. I have to walk through your house."

Since then he was really busy so I didn't really get to talk or text him much because he was getting ready to leave for a cruise. I finally got him to text me later the night before he was leaving. And then he called me from the ship before he lost reception and told me he'd call me when he got back in.

Now all of my friends are basically telling me that he's in love with me and I keep shooting that idea down. My one friend told me he caught the pbf looking at me longingly while I wasn't paying attention more than a couple of times.

So I said all this to say, I really wasn't thinking this would become a serious thing, but all my friends are basically warning me he's gonna make a serious move sometime soon. And they're telling me I'm gonna need to prepare myself for things that could possibly go down. Because if it ends up to where he's in love with me as much as he was the one girl, that means he'd leave his wife for me. It's all alot to just go over in my head and I've been thinking about it non stop. But that's my situation atm. I won't be hearing from him for at least a week. Luckily I go out of town thursday and come back the day he comes back from his trip too so at least my mind will be somewhat preoccupied. I'm pretty much going to take the approach of, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

But yea, I just posted this because I needed to put all my thoughts down somewhere. And hopefully gain a new perspective of this all. Hopefully I entertained someone. lol.

And before the Marriage Guardians come in to tell me I'm intruding on their marriage, it's already a terrible marriage and he's already expressed his regrets in doing so. So regardless of my part in it all, I'm not the force that's gonna bring it down...i think anyway.

 

[KaraBulut]

Sometimes it helps to change the genders on stories like this.

Let say you had a married female friend. You're attracted to that married female friend, so you flirt with her when her husband isn't around. Your married friend goes out partying without her husband. She makes out with people other than her husband. You get your female friend drunk and make a pass at her. You fondle and grope her.

There's a boundary that should exist between friends. It's one thing to flirt and tease your friends. It's another thing when your friends are in relationships or married and you're all doing the kinds of disrespectful things that you all are doing.

Where does this end?
Do you want him to leave his wife for you?
Do you want to be the guy who occasional blows him when he wife won't give him any?
Do you want to get him in the sack and then move on to another friend?

This isn't healthy. It isn't healthy for anyone. And for you, the longer you spend toying with your married straight friends, the more time you waste when you could be dating or in a relationship with someone that you might have a chance at a future with.

 

[G-Lexington]

If it's a terrible marriage, maybe you SHOULD be the force that tears it down. But I wouldn't do it by pushing him into bed. I'd go the opposite route. "Hey, I like you, and I'd love to have sex with you. But not so long as you're married. If you really DO think your marriage is a mistake, end it."

Lex

 

[StlKj]

Sometimes it helps to change the genders on stories like this.

Let say you had a married female friend. You're attracted to that married female friend, so you flirt with her when her husband isn't around. Your married friend goes out partying without her husband. She makes out with people other than her husband. You get your female friend drunk and make a pass at her. You fondle and grope her.

There's a boundary that should exist between friends. It's one thing to flirt and tease your friends. It's another thing when your friends are in relationships or married and you're all doing the kinds of disrespectful things that you all are doing.

Where does this end?
Do you want him to leave his wife for you?
Do you want to be the guy who occasional blows him when he wife won't give him any?
Do you want to get him in the sack and then move on to another friend?

This isn't healthy. It isn't healthy for anyone. And for you, the longer you spend toying with your married straight friends, the more time you waste when you could be dating or in a relationship with someone that you might have a chance at a future with.

Quoted for truth.

What really are your intentions here? To conquer him and lure him in? To keep him?

He's a screwed up guy who marries a woman he doesn't love, then falls for another woman while married, then lets one of his best male companions grope him. And how many times has he groped you? How many times has he initiated holding your hand, or asked to see your dick? How often does he grab your junk?

Your story makes you come off as manipulative, jealous, possessive, scheming and inconsiderate. Are you really all of those things? Is that who you want to be in life?

I'm actually not concerned for your feelings here. You seem like you'll be fine, especially since you don't really talk about loving him at all. No, I'm more concerned for your prey (and he is prey, because a true friendship doesn't involve this unhealthy energy); he seems like a train wreck who might develop some kind of chaotic feelings for you, only to find that you were more interested in the game than in the reality.

And let's say that you do love him, and you do want to keep him--he's not exactly showing a track record of staying with one person and making good choices, and except for his allowing of your flirtations, he's not particularly screaming "I'm really gay and looking for a man to love."

Again, I ask you, is this the person you want to be?

 

[TX-Beau]

And before the Marriage Guardians come in to tell me I'm intruding on their marriage, it's already a terrible marriage and he's already expressed his regrets in doing so. So regardless of my part in it all, I'm not the force that's gonna bring it down...i think anyway.

…he really didn’t want the money, so stealing it isn’t theft…

Justification. If his marriage is so bad, he can leave without becoming a cheating asshole. You can wait without being a predatory participant, and the other girl can keep herself clear, until he has the balls to get out. But no, he becomes a cheating asshole, you jump in, the other girl jumps in – the wife is the one who I feel sorry for.

Let’s see, the husband is doing the cheating, his female friend is doing the offering, his male friend is groping his crotch – and has had an explicit sexual agenda since forever, but the wife is the evil bitch.

Fist off, you have a huge incentive to call her names, you want to fuck her husband, and that would be a lot more guilt inspiring if she wasn’t an evil bitch. So your name calling is a little hard to take at face value.

I think it’s obvious that she has an excellent reason to keep close tabs on him, all of you are after his cock, don’t give a fuck about her, or her feelings, have no respect for boundaries, and he’s not stopping it. I wouldn’t want you around my guy either.

Nor would I want this guy, seems like a selfish, dishonest, immature ass to me.



By all means grope your way into his jockeys. It’s not like his wife has any feelings, or that you’d care if she did. It’s all about what you want anyway. Fuck caring about hurting other people.


...but but but she's the one that's the evil bitch, it's her fault I'm stroking his cock...

Right.

...but but but I didn't say that.

Sure you did, if she wasn't an evil bitch, he wouldn't be cheating. See how that works. None of the rest of you have to accept the responsibility and consequences of your actions. It's all her fault.

I'd probably be a lot nicer if the tome you wrote you had shown the slightest apprehension that you might be hurting someone else. But you didn't, you just called her names, then went on to sound kinda proud that you knifed her in the back.

It doesn't matter if she's a bitch, you went into this situation with the explicit agenda of being the home wrecking slut - and you are responsible for what you do.

So be it. Good luck with that.

 

[slyfer]

Quoted for truth.

What really are your intentions here? To conquer him and lure him in? To keep him?
Actually, to be honest I really had no intentions. I've literally flirted with him the exact way I have for the past 2+ years since I met him. The exact same tactics and measures are being used just now...he's kinda not caring. And I never thought it would get as far as it has so i'm kind of winging it.

He's a screwed up guy who marries a woman he doesn't love, then falls for another woman while married, then lets one of his best male companions grope him. And how many times has he groped you? How many times has he initiated holding your hand, or asked to see your dick? How often does he grab your junk?
None. None. And none. The things he does are more subtle just because he's a really passive person and kinda hates conflict. More and more he's been paying for sodas, drinks at bars without me asking, we've been sharing lunch together. I describe his flirting as kindergarten flirting, where he'll poke you so you pay attention to him or if I sorta haven't been paying attention to him he'll do something to make me flirt with him or acknowledge him.

Your story makes you come off as manipulative, jealous, possessive, scheming and inconsiderate. Are you really all of those things? Is that who you want to be in life?
I can see where it comes off that i'm manipulative and scheming. In fact, slowly, I've got him to start judging guys. It wasn't for any manipulative means. I just wanted to know what kind of guy was his type IF he would go gay. And in truth you may be right about the scheming, but like I said I never REALLY thought anything would progress further than it did. I flirt hard with every straight guy that thinks it's funny when I do. EVERY one that I call a friend. It's just me, so it's not like I picked this guy specifically and chose to "undo" him or anything.

I'm actually not concerned for your feelings here. You seem like you'll be fine, especially since you don't really talk about loving him at all. No, I'm more concerned for your prey (and he is prey, because a true friendship doesn't involve this unhealthy energy); he seems like a train wreck who might develop some kind of chaotic feelings for you, only to find that you were more interested in the game than in the reality.
Actually, I tell him I love him all the time. He even sent me a text one night when he was out drinking with his other friends and wife. I guess they weren't entertaining him enough or something but he sent me a text "I heart you." And I was sorta taken aback since he'd never said anything like that towards me. I really do love the guy but I'm so reserved about it because I don't believe in a million years that he'd leave his wife for me. Even though my friends are telling me differently.

And while it is sorta a game for me, he's completely aware of all my intentions with him and me joking with him. So it's not truly like i'm manipulating him. He knows I love playing with him, he knows I think he's gorgeous, etc.


And let's say that you do love him, and you do want to keep him--he's not exactly showing a track record of staying with one person and making good choices, and except for his allowing of your flirtations, he's not particularly screaming "I'm really gay and looking for a man to love."
You are completely on point with that last thought. He doesn't scream that. Which is what i've been telling my friends but they won't stand to hear it. And the only reason he strayed the one time outside of falling for the first girl is because he pretty much gets no positive reinforcement from his wife. He's not really an attention seeker, but I believe he loves it simply because he doesn't get it from his wife like he does from me.

This one time I got a haircut and sent me a picture of it. I was like "Sexy as usual." And he went and showed his wife and she was like "They cut it too short!" And I could tell he was visibly upset and annoyed about it. And that's one of the little examples of how she doesn't really give him the loving attention that he should be getting.

Again, I ask you, is this the person you want to be?

If this person is a guy who has been a friend's emotional support and been behind him any in most anything that wasn't self destructive then I don't mind being that guy. And just to be clear, I've constantly told him that he needs to end the marriage because I know he's not happy but he's so reluctant because he's afraid of doing it and ending up alone. Which is a ridiculous notion but you can't change someone's mind and enlighten them in a short amount of time

 

[slyfer]

More and more people nowadays behave as if their life is a perpetual shitty reality TV show, stirring up unnecessary crap because if their own boredom, or inability to act thoughtfully and responsibly.

What's the point of all that you're doing? Your manic agressive advances you make on him, as well as all of these "I managed to convince him to send a pic of his dick", "I managed to hold his hand even after he pulled away" tells me that this guy has a problem being around controlling people. You say his wife is a controlling bitch, but what you're doing seems uber manipulative in and of itself.

Poor dude.

My "manic aggressive advances" are nothing new. It's literally how I present myself to straight guys so I'm never that creepy gay guy who's always leering at them from the side view. If you bring it to the front and center, not necessarily flaunting it, but bringing the obvious to the front and center making light of it, you create a good environment for them. At least in their mind. Their defenses fall so you can legitimately befriend them without them worrying if one day you'll hit on them and make them feel uncomfortable. My way of doing it has won over alot of previously homophobic guys. Once you understand the way humans think, you get a lot further in life.

 

[G-Lexington]

You're fighting homophobia by getting into their pants? Hey, in that case, thank you for everything you do.

Lex

 

[slyfer]

…he really didn’t want the money, so stealing it isn’t theft…

Justification. If his marriage is so bad, he can leave without becoming a cheating asshole. You can wait without being a predatory participant, and the other girl can keep herself clear, until he has the balls to get out. But no, he becomes a cheating asshole, you jump in, the other girl jumps in – the wife is the one who I feel sorry for.
The other girl made a mistake but she pretty much stop hanging out with him afterwards. So she knew what had happened and that she shouldn't have done it and promptly backed off.


Let’s see, the husband is doing the cheating, his female friend is doing the offering, his male friend is groping his crotch – and has had an explicit sexual agenda since forever, but the wife is the evil bitch.
Honestly i'm just using words that he calls her and what the girls in the lab group call her. I actually tolerate quite well. While I don't truly consider her a friend because my allegiance lies with her husband, I don't find her terrible to be around. If you can get past super religiousness and her in general republican persona she's a pleasant girl out in the open. But honestly, it takes ALOT for me not to like someone. They literally have to personally do something to me. But I call girls bitches all the time. Even my friends. I try to be a good person who let people know when they're being a bitch because I would want the same treatment.

Fist off, you have a huge incentive to call her names, you want to fuck her husband, and that would be a lot more guilt inspiring if she wasn’t an evil bitch. So your name calling is a little hard to take at face value.

I think it’s obvious that she has an excellent reason to keep close tabs on him, all of you are after his cock, don’t give a fuck about her, or her feelings, have no respect for boundaries, and he’s not stopping it. I wouldn’t want you around my guy either.
She had him on lock and key before I started hanging out with him on a almost constant basis. Besides she knows I like him. She's actually introduced me as his bf to one of her friends. There's one thing about me I pride myself on and that's letting anyone and everyone involved in anything I do my intentions so there's NO confusion. But I'm a pretty blunt person. Which is why most appreciate me I suppose anyway.

Nor would I want this guy, seems like a selfish, dishonest, immature ass to me.
It's funny how people resort to saying stuff like this in particular. I think different people need different amounts of love and since he's not getting it at home and is also getting put down at home he's subconsciously looking for it somewhere else. It may be a flaw of his but I still believe he's a good person. He just acted fast with the marriage because he was too young to realize it. Unfortunate things happen to us all. Some of our mistakes are a little bit harder to get past. It's called life.


By all means grope your way into his jockeys. It’s not like his wife has any feelings, or that you’d care if she did. It’s all about what you want anyway. Fuck caring about hurting other people.
Just so we're clear, the only time I legitimately groped him was in the car and and the other two instances I noted after. Usually I "jokingly grab at". Basically just horseplay. Just so you know I'm not exactly forcing myself on him. I'm basically presenting an option. You'll notice in all the times I've actually groped him he was fully conscious of what I was about to do indicating he didn't mind whether he said it or not. I always give plenty of time to react because I know that people have boundaries. I take cues when it's ok for me to cross that line and never before.


...but but but she's the one that's the evil bitch, it's her fault I'm stroking his cock...

Right.

...but but but I didn't say that.

Sure you did, if she wasn't an evil bitch, he wouldn't be cheating. See how that works. None of the rest of you have to accept the responsibility and consequences of your actions. It's all her fault.
I never said it was all her fault. He even himself admitted some fault on his actions. And as for myself? Like I said, I make everything clear what I want to everyone so there's no surprise coming from my end.

I'd probably be a lot nicer if the tome you wrote you had shown the slightest apprehension that you might be hurting someone else. But you didn't, you just called her names, then went on to sound kinda proud that you knifed her in the back.
I'm actually not proud per se. I'm just kinda shocked that he's let me do so much. I take the approach of "I'm gonna mess with him and expect him to reject my advances everytime and it'll be me joking with him, and him clearly knowing i'm joking yet would fool around if he so pleased, but if anything else happens out of the joking I welcome it" And I didn't knife her in the back as I'm not friends with her. She's an acquaintance to a close friend of mine. I have alot of those.

It doesn't matter if she's a bitch, you went into this situation with the explicit agenda of being the home wrecking slut - and you are responsible for what you do.

So be it. Good luck with that.

I actually am not out to destroy his marriage, I just want the guy to be happy. Which is why I was supportive of his endeavors with the girl in our group. I was never bitter or jealous of anyone. I just want my friends to be happy.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I actually am not out to destroy his marriage, I just want the guy to be happy. Which is why I was supportive of his endeavors with the girl in our group. I was never bitter or jealous of anyone. I just want my friends to be happy.

And he's obviously only going to be happy with your hands down his shorts.

Look, you're not the first person to take this tactic here in CO&R. To suggest that by hitting on, fondling, sucking off and/or fucking their married friend, they're actually HELPING. They're showing them how great man-on-man sex is, and how empty their marriage is. And they're looking for some thumbs-up and gold stars from the gay community for their blow against homophobia and closetedness.

But no matter how you couch the situation, you're having sex (or trying to) with a married guy. And I can tell you how these things nearly always go. He will continue enjoying the attention, the fondles, the whatever-else-you-want-to-give-him. And he'll probably continue seeing anybody else he wants to. And then he'll go home to his wife. No matter how many times you suggest he leave.

In other words, the lesson on homosexuality you're giving him is "gays are great for getting some action on the side". If that's the lesson you want to impart, hey, enjoy it. But none of us here are going to think you're striking a blow for homophobia.

Lex

 

[TX-Beau]

My "manic aggressive advances" are nothing new. It's literally how I present myself to straight guys so I'm never that creepy gay guy who's always leering at them from the side view. If you bring it to the front and center, not necessarily flaunting it, but bringing the obvious to the front and center making light of it, you create a good environment for them. At least in their mind. Their defenses fall so you can legitimately befriend them without them worrying if one day you'll hit on them and make them feel uncomfortable. My way of doing it has won over alot of previously homophobic guys. Once you understand the way humans think, you get a lot further in life.

Yeah, so you’re advocating “winning homophobes over,” by sexual battery? That’s what it is when someone tells you not to grope their crotch and you do it anyway. It’s also a crime incidentally.

I’d like to inhabit the reality you live in, where repeated groping of homophobic guys who don’t want you, not only makes them your best friend, but inspires them to leave their wives.




I call bullshit on this. Frankly if some guy was repeatedly hitting on me, that I had no interest in, it would piss me off, and I’m not even a straight ‘phobe.

The straight guys in my reality at least, are going to be calling you creepy names behind your back, because what you’re doing is kinda creepy – from the side, from the front, from the back.

You aren’t being this guy’s friend either, if you were his friend you wouldn’t be contributing to making his bad situation worse, by putting yourself in the middle of it, solely because you want his cock.

A friend would have put the sexual agenda (a true friend wouldn’t have one in the first place,) on hold.

Why did you need to start groping him? Because he was emotionally vulnerable and you saw an opening?

Friend my ass, that’s manipulation and exploitation.

 

[slyfer]

Utter rediculousness. You believe you understand the way people think? You believe that you can win over homophobic straight men by touching them and playfully flirting with them.
I believe that I've come to understand people pretty well. I'm REALLY good at reading people and I act accordingly to it. I don't playfully touch all straight guys, and I actually don't hit on every straight guy. Only the ones i've figured out that they can take a joke, and I can joke with them about it. I treat every straight guy I know on an individual basis and communicate accordingly.

You believe that you've knocked down your friend's defenses by doing what you've done, convincing him that you won't hit on him...only you are.
I haven't knocked down his wall between hetero and homo. Though I've been steadily chipping at it using random ideas of mine and most of them have worked so far. And I hit on most guys so there was no convincing him that I wouldn't hit on him. I'm sure that's probably a typo I guess.

Your attitude is manipulative at best, predatory at worst.
It's manipulative. Predatory indicates that I'm doing all the things I'm doing on the sly concerning him. He knows I want him, he knows I like him bordering on love. I've even told him I loved him multiple times

I don't deny that with many straight men, being open and honest about your sexuality, joking about it even, puts them at ease. But with the way you've described your interactions with this man and other "homophobic" men, you're bordering deluded.
I'm not saying I could win over every homophobic man in america. I am saying that i've come across some homophobic guys and I now when I go in for a hug, they hug me back. I'm not saying I could convert them all or even a decent amount. I'm saying I know a few techniques that knocks down that wall most guys put up around gay guys.

Your behavior is not meant to make him feel comfortable, you're there to play. You've moved beyond the playful flirting to put him at ease, into an agressive, confusing, BS way of behaving. If you were actually interested in starting things up, you should come out and say it. Instead you're a wolf in sheep's wool. And let us not forget that he is married...

I'll say this...if i'm a wolf in sheep's cloth then the outfit is too small for me and my snout is clearly a little too long for the head piece.

 

[TX-Beau]

Predatory indicates that I'm doing all the things I'm doing on the sly concerning him.

No, predatory means that you zone in on any weakness or opening to get what you want, unconcerned about what that might do to your prey.

 

[slyfer]

Yeah, so you’re advocating “winning homophobes over,” by sexual battery? That’s what it is when someone tells you not to grope their crotch and you do it anyway. It’s also a crime incidentally.
And I dont do it to homophobes. I use a different method with them. Plus, all I do is playfully grab at them, when I can see that they are OK with being playful. I'd never do it on a guy I just met. This is all like months to years of me hanging out with guys. I don't commit sexual battery on the guys lol.

I’d like to inhabit the reality you live in, where repeated groping of homophobic guys who don’t want you, not only makes them your best friend, but inspires them to leave their wives.
I never said my friend was homophobic. I was saying other guys




I call bullshit on this. Frankly if some guy was repeatedly hitting on me, that I had no interest in, it would piss me off, and I’m not even a straight ‘phobe.
Well I don't hit on gay guys as that brings seriousness in the equation that I don't really like being there.

The straight guys in my reality at least, are going to be calling you creepy names behind your back, because what you’re doing is kinda creepy – from the side, from the front, from the back.
I promise you they aren't. I'm too close with the guys I do it with. And I seriously make it into one big joke and all they do is fucking laugh at me and tell me i'm hilarious.

You aren’t being this guy’s friend either, if you were his friend you wouldn’t be contributing to making his bad situation worse, by putting yourself in the middle of it, solely because you want his cock.

A friend would have put the sexual agenda (a true friend wouldn’t have one in the first place,) on hold.
He's not going to leave his wife unless he knows he has something clear cut planned out for him. That and he pretty much told me he's not going to do anything until he's mentally ready to take that step. We haven't even done anything. I've touched his penis...through the clothes no less.

Why did you need to start groping him? Because he was emotionally vulnerable and you saw an opening?

Friend my ass, that’s manipulation exploitation.

I never groped him when he was emotionally vulnerable. That's despicable. And please stop using the word groped unless i specifically did so. I playfully grab at him sorta like when people poke each other and it's all funny and stuff. I basically PRETEND i'm gonna grab him. That's all it really is. Besides in those few instances.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, before we get back to the he said/she said, can you articulate why you’re getting the response you’re getting?

Whether you agree with it or not, whether you think it’s justified or not, can you tell us why you’ve gotten the response you did?

Try, please.

I have no interest in getting into a tit for tat post response episode, so if you don’t understand why people are responding to your story the way they are – again, whether you agree or not, there’s no point in going further.

 

[slyfer]

OK, before we get back to the he said/she said, can you articulate why you’re getting the response you’re getting?

Whether you agree with it or not, whether you think it’s justified or not, can you tell us why you’ve gotten the response you did?

Try, please.

I have no interest in getting into a tit for tat post response episode, so if you don’t understand why people are responding to your story the way they are – again, whether you agree or not, there’s no point in going further.

Which response? The responses y'all are giving me or the responses I'm illiciting from the guy?

 

[TX-Beau]

The response you're getting in here of course.

 

[rareboy]

It sounds totally fucked up.

You obviously love being a star in your own movie.

Cut your losses, avoid the drama, find a guy that you don't have to erode drip by drip.

Frankly it all sounds a little creepy.

 

[slyfer]

OK, before we get back to the he said/she said, can you articulate why you’re getting the response you’re getting?

Whether you agree with it or not, whether you think it’s justified or not, can you tell us why you’ve gotten the response you did?

Try, please.

I have no interest in getting into a tit for tat post response episode, so if you don’t understand why people are responding to your story the way they are – again, whether you agree or not, there’s no point in going further.

I understand of course and I can understand the typical persons view because I've really only given you the major events that hve happened. I haven't told you all the minute details of the entire story. I understand that most take the obvious stance and beluve that if I'm playing or not I'm an evil gay hell bent on getting a guy I want regardless of anyone elses feelings. But luckily I'm a realist and I know that life is never black and white on any issue. And I know that humans aren't o e dimensional creatures.

I don't know if I've said it or not but my goal of all this is not to sabotage his marriage. I don't have a goal because I neve thought it would get as far as it has. The only thing I want him to do is what he thinks is going to make him the happiest he can be. All he does is talk about and bitch about her and I just dint like seeing a great guy be so unappreciated. That's all. Now concerning her...it's not my concern because my allegiance does not lie with her. It lies with him, while it sounds possibly cruel I know that out of two people a person will always have a higher allegiance towards one over the other and if you don't believe that then you need to adopt a more realistic point of view.