my sisters boyfriend

[payit4ward]

My sister is in a relationship with a guy that is a crack addict and alcoholic and just general all around menace to society. he has physically assaulted her once because she would not drive him to his dealers house to get more drugs,stolen cash from her,stolen her credit card,stolen $400.00 from my mother that my sister repaid to my mom he has been in and out of prison his whole life and he has never been gainfully employed and because of his criminal background nobody will hire him. Anyway having said that he is also very jealous and does not want my sister to interact with any of her family and my other siblings myself and my mother have tried our hardest to get her to stay away from him because he is no good. My sister is currently very angry with me because i don't pretend to like him or think that he is a good person and i have no problem saying it to her. well she tells me that i should have faith in him and that i don't only because i dislike him and she constantly defends his behavior no matter how bad or wrong it is and i refuse to go along with that. she tells me that i just want to crack on him because i don't like him and that is true but if he made and effort to be a better person and get off drugs and alcohol and stop stealing i would make and effort to give him the benefit of the doubt but i don't see him trying at all so im not willing to have any faith in him. What is it going to take to make her wake up and see him in a true light and get away from him? Any and all advice will be appreciated.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>What is it going to take to make her wake up and see him in a true light and get away from him?

You saying "Sis, I love you and I care deeply for you more than you know. But I can't stand watching you attach your life to this guy's. He's been nothing but trouble for you since you first hooked up with him, and he's caused you nothing but pain. And I've decided I simply can't watch you go through this anymore."

Then stop talking to her.

...and even that's no guarantee.

Lex

 

[HungLawboy27]

I would agree with Lex on this one. I dealt with a similar situation except it was my mother that was dating a man that had a drinking problem and it took the man trying to hurt for to realize that she was with the wrong person, and that her family came first.

The only advice to give is maybe approach the situation from a caring perspective, and try not to be mean or demanding. Sometimes your family does not like to be told what to do by other family members so maybe showing how upset this situation makes you will cause her to change. I would tell her how you fell and join her in a matter of speaking. Let her know that you trust her decision and that if she see's something in him good than she must be right. However, explain to her that your willing to stand by her, but if he does anything else to hurt her or the family that the rest of the family will take action. Sometimes joining them helps. otherwise it really is going to have to be her choice. Good Luck!

 

[KaraBulut]

You're dealing with two addicts- your sister's boyfriend who is a drug addict and your sister who is addicted to trying to rescue/enable her boyfriend.

Short of an intervention, there's not much that you can do to stop an addict. The definition of addiction is that friends, family, career, etc. become second priorities to the whatever the person is addicted to.

Lex's advice is all you can do. You may feel like you would be losing her by doing this but the truth is that she's already lost.

 

[payit4ward]

I have tried to tell her that my brother has tried so has my mom she wont listen and gets angry when we say it to her and i do hate him and im not ashamed to say it. I am extremely irritated with my sister she isn't a stupid young girl she is 50 years old but she acts like one when she is around him. I dont get it but i hope for her sake that she wakes up soon.

 

[Reprobate]

I knew a person once who cried on my shoulder all the time about how badly she was treated, one day I had enough and threatened to kick her boyfriend's ass only to have her try to kick my ass. If he hadn't saved me from her crazy ass she would have worn me out. Point is that you can't make choices for other people.

 

[rareboy]

What is it going to take to make her wake up and see him in a true light and get away from him?

From the sounds of it.

A brain transplant.

Or a restraining order. Which eventually she'll have after he does real physical harm to her.

For the rest of you, it is sad, but you can pretty much keep your noses out of it. Because nothing you sya is going to change her opinion of him. But don't even hesitate to call the cops if he does anything to any of you.

He must be hung like a horse, because it doesn't sound like he has fuck all else to offer.

Oh. And tell your sis that you'll be sure to visit her when she ends up in the hospital and eventually in prison herself.

Because that is where she's headed.

 

[TygreBryte]

The only thing I might add to Lex's statement might be something like, "I'm afraid you're going to get yourself in deeper than I, or anybody else, can help you get out of."

 

[LatinCoffee]

Sorry to hear! I can understand how you must feel seeing your sister being or acting so helpless to this guy. She has to do this on her own and get a restraining order from this guy and move on with her life. You can all {you and your family} can turn blue in the face telling her he's no good but love is sometimes truly blind. Also...if you believe in God--I suggest prayer! Prayers works wonders! Hopefully--she will open her eyes and this guy gets locked up or something. Best wishes to your sis and you guys!

 

[irudesan]

Hello! Well, looks like your sister needs a lot of help. I once read an excellent book on the topic, maybe you could casually get one copy and give it to her. It´s called "Women who love too much", by Robin Norwood. Its about women who are "addicted" to bad relationships, and explains all the reasons, she gives stories of her patients as examples, and tips on how to get out of that behaviour.

Maybe she isnt going to change from one day to another , but believe me, at least it will make her realize that "something" isnt right.

You could read it too (so that you can understand why she is like that)
You could buy it in amazon, or get a ebook copy and print it, or read it on a pda.

(random comment: i realized that i actually had some behaviours listed on the book, so i guess it helps gay men too)

Hope it helps

 

[StlKj]

Tell her that you do have faith in him. You have faith that he will be exactly what he has shown himself to be--a drug-taking, abusive thief. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

And then tell her that if she wishes to be addicted to such a man, that's fine, but she has no right to ask you or your family to accept a man who mistreats and disrespects someone you love.