The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums
-
Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community
In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
If you do not have an account, please register.
REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your InfoPLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.
My sister's reaction to my coming out
- Thread starter cityboi
- Start date
Tell us more about what's going on. What is your take on her reaction? Is she shocked? Angry? Confused? All of the above, but eventually OK?
There is something about her, other than your-two's close proximity in age, that made you feel comfortable telling her. What was that? Has her reaction let you down?
My first reaction is to tell you to probe it with her and see if you can tease out how she's really feeling about it. In other words, see if you can talk it through with people. (hint, though, avoid saying nothing-phrases like "because I am" when someone asks you "why?" It's a nothing-answer to a nothing-question and leads to a circular (and no where) conversation). Instead, if she asks a clumsy "why?" you can say "I've known about this for a while. I wanted to tell you because I love (like) you and don't want there to be these kinds of secrets between us. It's who I am--for whatever reason, and I want you to know the real me."
Bear in mind, though, that she's 17, not 27. It might be a lot of shocking information to get her 17 year old brain around. Help her along by being patient, rephrasing her questions into something useful and ones you can answer, and--most of all--keep the lines of conversation open.
Until you talk again, you don't know whether she's just in short-term shock and will come around, or embarrassed by you, or wondering what her friends or bf will say/think, and all sorts of adolescent drama-thoughts. Help her along and be a loving older brother. In the end, your two's relationship ought to be stronger and deeper.
Good luck--let us know what happens.
There is something about her, other than your-two's close proximity in age, that made you feel comfortable telling her. What was that? Has her reaction let you down?
My first reaction is to tell you to probe it with her and see if you can tease out how she's really feeling about it. In other words, see if you can talk it through with people. (hint, though, avoid saying nothing-phrases like "because I am" when someone asks you "why?" It's a nothing-answer to a nothing-question and leads to a circular (and no where) conversation). Instead, if she asks a clumsy "why?" you can say "I've known about this for a while. I wanted to tell you because I love (like) you and don't want there to be these kinds of secrets between us. It's who I am--for whatever reason, and I want you to know the real me."
Bear in mind, though, that she's 17, not 27. It might be a lot of shocking information to get her 17 year old brain around. Help her along by being patient, rephrasing her questions into something useful and ones you can answer, and--most of all--keep the lines of conversation open.
Until you talk again, you don't know whether she's just in short-term shock and will come around, or embarrassed by you, or wondering what her friends or bf will say/think, and all sorts of adolescent drama-thoughts. Help her along and be a loving older brother. In the end, your two's relationship ought to be stronger and deeper.
Good luck--let us know what happens.
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2007
- Posts
- 62,993
- Reaction score
- 16,459
- Points
- 113
For some reason, it seems like her response was very emotional. After she's had a day or so to process things, talk to her some more and ask her how she feels about what you told her.
andysayshi
JUB Addict
Congrats on coming out!
Everybody deals with things a little differently, and coming out often hits family much harder than friends. Your sister, much like your parents, will have preconceived notions and expectations about you, your life, your relationship together. You've just changed much of her expectations and understanding of her big brother, so give her some time to let it sink in.
I also find women often react differently to men when you come out. Guys are shocked or stunned, but tend not to think a lot about it. Girls quite often express a little sadness (or even anger) that you haven't been able to share this news earlier - almost like you've been hiding something from them. Perhaps your sister is feeling a bit of that?
I've no doubt your sister will be absolutely fine with it. You've had a long time to think about this, she's only had a very short time!
Good luck. I grew up in Forster, not so far from you!
Everybody deals with things a little differently, and coming out often hits family much harder than friends. Your sister, much like your parents, will have preconceived notions and expectations about you, your life, your relationship together. You've just changed much of her expectations and understanding of her big brother, so give her some time to let it sink in.
I also find women often react differently to men when you come out. Guys are shocked or stunned, but tend not to think a lot about it. Girls quite often express a little sadness (or even anger) that you haven't been able to share this news earlier - almost like you've been hiding something from them. Perhaps your sister is feeling a bit of that?
I've no doubt your sister will be absolutely fine with it. You've had a long time to think about this, she's only had a very short time!
Good luck. I grew up in Forster, not so far from you!
AlmostFamous
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2009
- Posts
- 45
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
Hey, I've not really had the full support of my family tbh. I came out due to my friend being stupid and posting something on facebook which allowed my brother to find out who then told my parents and sisters. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, this is how they all took it:
Parents- think it's wrong and want me to change. to the point where my mam has contacted a priest who can apparently can provide a gay cure lol
17 yr old brother- Wont talk to me about it, we were really close but since he's found out the only words he's spoke to me are "that's really weird", he was coming up to see me at uni for a few days but now he's cancelled
21 yr old sister- says she'll support me if I need her
23 yr old sister- Thinks it's wrong and not natural, I was told this to my face
10 yr old brother- Doesn't really understand
Parents- think it's wrong and want me to change. to the point where my mam has contacted a priest who can apparently can provide a gay cure lol
17 yr old brother- Wont talk to me about it, we were really close but since he's found out the only words he's spoke to me are "that's really weird", he was coming up to see me at uni for a few days but now he's cancelled
21 yr old sister- says she'll support me if I need her
23 yr old sister- Thinks it's wrong and not natural, I was told this to my face
10 yr old brother- Doesn't really understand
Hot Hector
Slut
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2005
- Posts
- 213
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 0
Sorry to hear, being outed by someone else kind of sucks. You have no time to prepare your family and they may feel somewhat backstabbed because you didn't tell/trust them before.
Hopefully your family (specially yours brothers, who are young) will mature the idea and accept you someday.
Good luck.
buddy1970
JUB Addict
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2008
- Posts
- 1,073
- Reaction score
- 58
- Points
- 0
You are a very young man. It is possible that by coming out to your sister, you are going to start learning a whole lot of things about your family that you never fully realized. Some of it may be disappointing to you, but do not be afraid of any of the information you receive. It may be that your sister still wants a relationship with you, but that she's simply not comfortable talking about these sorts of things. That may hurt, but in relationships, you often take what you can get. If she doesn't disown you, but also ignores what you've told her about your orientation, you may have to let it go and settle for less. My advice is to just wait it out. There may be pleasant surprises waiting for you in the future, so just be patient.
Remember your sister is only seventeen she is still very young. I have a suggestion why don't you go to the library and look for some books that deal with coming out for young people? I am sure there are some books you can get from the library to read or even share with your sister?
It may take time for your sister to process this information. I think this is the hard part about coming out not everyone is going to think being gay is "okay" or "socially acceptable".
It may take time for your sister to process this information. I think this is the hard part about coming out not everyone is going to think being gay is "okay" or "socially acceptable".
Hey Random,
Mate, people are all different and yet deep down most of us are pretty much the same. And that basically means a little selfish.
At 17 the first thing your sister would have thought was - whats does this mean to me?? What will friends think? What will my boyfriend think??? You mate and what it means to you, your anguish and journey probably still havent even crossed her mind.
And to be honest it probably wont. Ever.
See, coming out and being gay brings with it a whole set of circumstances and realities that will only ever apply to you. The affects on your life will be dramatic and you'll deal with things every other day that others wont even notice.
Her response, and sometimes that of family and friends is one of little understanding of the leap you just took. Its not because they dont care, they simply dont understand.
The best response you can hope for mate is one of acceptance and support. And then you can begin to share and open their eyes a little if you want about what it means and what might confront you. Then you will get their understanding.
Its not their fault. They know as much about being gay as you and I know about being a Martian. Theyve usually never been confronted with it before, and yet for us its usually consumed us for years. So we expect more because we know more.
But with time and love and patience they soon enough learn that you are still you, and thats all that matters.
Mate, people are all different and yet deep down most of us are pretty much the same. And that basically means a little selfish.
At 17 the first thing your sister would have thought was - whats does this mean to me?? What will friends think? What will my boyfriend think??? You mate and what it means to you, your anguish and journey probably still havent even crossed her mind.
And to be honest it probably wont. Ever.
See, coming out and being gay brings with it a whole set of circumstances and realities that will only ever apply to you. The affects on your life will be dramatic and you'll deal with things every other day that others wont even notice.
Her response, and sometimes that of family and friends is one of little understanding of the leap you just took. Its not because they dont care, they simply dont understand.
The best response you can hope for mate is one of acceptance and support. And then you can begin to share and open their eyes a little if you want about what it means and what might confront you. Then you will get their understanding.
Its not their fault. They know as much about being gay as you and I know about being a Martian. Theyve usually never been confronted with it before, and yet for us its usually consumed us for years. So we expect more because we know more.
But with time and love and patience they soon enough learn that you are still you, and thats all that matters.