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My somewhat friend?

L

lonely23

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I need help figuring out what I should do about my "friend" who doesn't want to hang out even though we've known each other for over five months now we've only hung out two times. We text each other like twice every two weeks but something just doesn't seem right.

A little backstory I met this guy will call him "A" at a temp job I had we hungout the whole day and exchanged phone numbers. We mostly texted over the phone getting to know each other until we hung out a month later at a party though we didn't really talk that much since he was around his other friends.

"A" likes sports mostly basketball which I don't but we both like to make jokes mostly about each other just fake gay stuff like telling each other to come out of the closet and stop shopping at macy's and stuff like that. At first "A" would get really upset when I would say stuff like that so I stopped but then he started doing it and he really gets into it which is mostly what our conversations are about now.

The second time I hung out with him was at his house but we just played video games for a few hours before I went to my now permanent job. I haven't hung out with him since and a few weeks ago we got into a really bad fight on the phone over something really stupid and I was like "I wanted to be friends with you b/c I thought you were cool but right now I'm not so sure". I didn't text him after that I was done trying to make a friendship were there wasn't one but he texted me the next week about a guy he saw at his school that we both worked with at the temp job we met at. I didn't reply back and he sent another message saying "I hope were cool man". I told him the things he said I didn't think was funny and he didn't even care that my feelings were hurt at all. He replied back saying that he did care and that he was sorry and he still wanted to be friends.

I gave it one more shot and we've gone right back to the way it was before. I texted him to hang out later on tonight I kinda taunted him saying we can hang out if it won't be past your curfew, he replied back saying "ur funny lol" then an hour later he replies "im going to a bbq with my friend". I just sent a reply saying "aight" but this shit is really starting to piss me off if he wants to be friends then we should do what friends do and hang out! But I honestly think he's afraid of hanging out with me since I think he may be interested in me based on the conversations we've had and he has a feeling I'm interested in guys too from the text I've sent him. He told me one time why don't you just come out already and tell me you're gay and I replied "only after you do first bro" but neither of us has budged and I actually want to tell him I'm interested in him but I never get the chance b/c all we do is talk over the phone and I think it would be better in person.

I'm sorry this post is so long but this is really important to me since he is honestly one of the only people I know out here since I'm living alone and I'm not afraid to admit I'm lonely hence the username:cry: but this phone tag thing has gotten really old, really quick. So what should I do?
 
In my opinion, you should give him a chance. I have 2 friends and rarely if ever hung out with them. But I always talk with them sometimes for hours. Some people are just extremely shy and would rather talk than meet in person.
 
SilverWolf said:
In my opinion, you should give him a chance. I have 2 friends and rarely if ever hung out with them. But I always talk with them sometimes for hours. Some people are just extremely shy and would rather talk than meet in person.
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Yeah we texted on the phone for three hours one night just joking around with each other and he would say I don't like talking about gay shit before I go to sleep bro but then he would reply back with a comment gayer than anything I could come up with until I eventually said goodnight or he would've gone on for days. I think he likes the fact that he can say stuff like that around me and I won't call him a faggot or stop being his friend but I'm still tired of the whole text buddy thing since it's not like we live far away from each other were only like 30mins apart.
 
lonely23 said:
...but then he would reply back with a comment gayer than anything I could come up with...
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Like what? I want to suck a dick? Seriously dude, if he's talking to you like he loves the cock and he refuses to come out of that li'l closet, then he's a waste of time. And a self-hating homophobe to boot probably, too.

Sorry, I'm trying to pay attention here, but it feels like I'm watching a puppy chase his tail. Tell him you're gay/bi/whatever. If he reacts negatively, you've lost a 'somewhat' friend (and let's face it, you barely know each other after this amount of time). Positively, you've gotten a fuck-buddy or a boyfriend out of it. Ball's in your court.
 
bananas15 said:
Like what? I want to suck a dick? Seriously dude, if he's talking to you like he loves the cock and he refuses to come out of that li'l closet, then he's a waste of time. And a self-hating homophobe to boot probably, too.

Sorry, I'm trying to pay attention here, but it feels like I'm watching a puppy chase his tail. Tell him you're gay/bi/whatever. If he reacts negatively, you've lost a 'somewhat' friend (and let's face it, you barely know each other after this amount of time). Positively, you've gotten a fuck-buddy or a boyfriend out of it. Ball's in your court.
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He once told me he would rather fuck a dude than get fucked cause it was "less gay". He also uses "boi" and "lol" alot but idk if that means anything.

I say somewhat friend because he calls me his friend but I don't feel like one when all we do is text over the phone. I think he wants to open up to me but he's afraid for some reason even though I don't know any of his friends so I couldn't tell them anything he tells me which I wouldn't do anyway. I'm thinking about confronting him about not wanting to hang out when we talk next hopefully it wont turn into another fight.
 
Lonely23, I understand how your feeling completely. I remember a guy that I was totally obsessed with, we hang out everday and stuff.. He would make you feel like you were the center of the earth one moment, and then in the next just go off somewhere elese??? My suggestion would be if your REALLY interested, give it some time. Find something that he really enjoys doing and spend time with him.. You'll bond more, just give it a little more time and hang out more.. Try not to get mad, that will just slap you in the face.. Just chill for a bit and see where it goes.. This is ONLY if you REALLY like him.. I wouldn't waste my time on someone unless that were the case.. :) GOOD LUCK !!! Keep us posted..
 
I think there may be a combination of things going on here. First I think there is an uneven attraction. It seems you're doing all the work trying to maintain a "friendship" which may indeed not be in your best interest. I say that because if someone is truly interested in being your friend (especially so early in the "friendship") they WANT to hang out with you and will do so unless other obligations restrict that. You didn't indicate in your post that he has such issues so it makes it questionable that he wont hang with you, but will text constantly. While texting is a form of interaction, it's sometimes used ONLY to keep the lines of communication open with someone who you're not quite ready to cut, but yet don't want to get too close with. My gut tells me he doesn't want to get too close too fast for some reason.

Also he may have a hard time coming to terms with his sexuality and figures you may be in the same boat. I think his urging you to come out (jokingly?) may be a muted desire to share this struggle with someone who has this struggle. Honesty would be a good thing for you both. If there is a concern you have about issues within a legitimate friendship then you have the right to address that with your friend. However I think the reason you're taking his impersonal behavior so personally is because you are attracted to him in a way that supersedes platonic friendship. If this is the case then there's a different set of issues to deal with. You have to find a way to tell him that you're gay/bi. It seems as if both of you are waiting for the same thing, but it seems to be affecting you the most. It may cement the friendship, lead to other things, or destroy the friendship, but either way this won't be an issue for you anymore. If this is a game you're truly tired of playing you don't have to play it any longer. Be honest with him about who you are and that will put the ball in his court.
 
Honestly, I just want him as a friend someone to hang out with and play video games with or whatever if anything else came from that I wouldn't fight it but I wouldn't try to make it happen either.
Plus, he has a "girlfriend" who he rarely talks about but still I don't want to get into some weird triangle. Man having a friendship shouldn't be this hard!!!
 
In my humble opinion, you spend too much energy thinking about what 'should be' than 'what is', and just let things fall into place as they happen naturally.

Seriously, the more stress that is placed on how much time you spend with one another, the more resentment builds, and the more tense the friendship becomes.

Let the friendship go if you feel like you're drifting, or if you define friendships by how much time you spend with one another. Also, do what comes naturally, be yourself, and if you find that the friendship is taking more effort, stress, and energy than it's worth, then let it go.
 
I'm bringing this thread back to life since I hung out with "A" today. He texted me the day before just to say wassup I asked if he wanted to go to the gym with me and we did which was pretty cool. Not much happened except when I told him about my right arm being bigger than my left in which he replied "that must be ur jack off hand, mine's my left"*|* i said but ur right handed too he said "yeah but i like using my left hand for jacking off" and started making the hand motion with a smile.

But on the ride home we somehow got on lady gaga (yeah i know) and how she claims to be bi which he said was hot but when I asked him if he thought guys could be bi he said "no way man if u stick ur dick in another man's ass ur gay":(

We hung out the month before and played basketball but he brought his friend along we'll call him "B", he was pretty cool but "A" was acting like an asshole the whole time talking a bunch of shit b/c he was trying to show off in front of "B". We couldn't even hold a decent conversation until today. I told him about himself in a text and he tried to deny it saying he always acts like that but he didn't act like that at all today when we were hanging out together, alone.

He said he wanted to hang out again soon, we'll see if anything more progressess.:wave:
 
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