My Straight Best Friend

[Luckycharms]

Well let me just say this is my first post! Yay!!*

Well my friend and I have known each other since we where I elementary. We where neighbors and just in high school I started to developed feeling towards him. I let him know of what I was feeling toward him and even though he reassured me he was straight he still kinda toyed with my emotions.*
We would hang out together talk about him. Even on the computer I would be using and he would just come over and put his hand over mine. I would of course let him but after a while I would be hesitant at him doing that because I wouldn't want thing to become different between us. There was also a time where I can remember him and I talking about him and how his penis had grown. He described it in vivid detail. Almost as if telling me hey you can just ask for it.*
There was also times where my other best friend and her boyfriend would invite him and I. *Low key at dinner he would also hold my hand. It never really went further than that.*
Then on our senior year he would hang out at my house a lot.*Once I vividly remember hanging out at my house and him talking my hand and asking him if I could give him a blow job. HONESTLY; I don't know why I said no. We both new I wanted to for a long time but It came out my mouth so fast I didnt even know what I said after I asked him what he said.

Now we have been growing apart but I have been recently dreaming more and more of him. As if he's calling me. I have looked online for dream interpretations but I honestly want someone to see and let me know it it's just me or reality.*

PLEASE HELP!*

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Luckycharms,

Welcome to JUB, and I hope you will find alot of nice friends over here. Good to hear you have such a nice guy friend who is very tender and friendly towards you.

Your profile indicates that you are out to -at lease some- of your friends (Are you out?: Only my friends know), but you seem not yet to have told your best straight friend (this guy) that you are gay? It is not very clear to me what kind of question you have.

I tend to think that your best friend is gay? I have no idea about his and about your background. Be aware its common in several cultures that close guy friends (so you and your friend) hold hands, stroke each others hands (and thinks like that).

Well, would you mind to provide us with abit more information. Are you gay (or bi or curious), and does he know this? Is he gay (or bi or curious) and do you know this?

So you think you are in love with him? Does he has a history with girlfriends? And how about you?

I tend to advise you to be honest to him. So tell him that you are gay (or bi or curious), and just see how he reacts. I tend to think that your best friend is not a bigot / homophobe, so why not tell him the truth about your sexual orientation.

So open yourself to him. And then he might also tell more about himself. But don't push him.

Likely, others over here will also provide you with replies / advice.

Best wishes and good luck.

 

[Spiff]

I think you made the right decision to deny him that blowjob, despite your temptation. You built a lasting friendship with him for that long, it would have been a shame to risk it all for one blowjob.

But now that you two have already been growing apart, maybe this could be a transition period of opportunity. I just recommend you ease into it and finding out how he feels about you two. But don't focus on just the blowjob.

 

[Luckycharms]

Ganoderma Thanks for your help.

I am out to my friends and I am gay and this friend knows exactly how I feel towards him. He isn't gay as he has assured me over time, its not like I have been asking him over and over if he is sure. It clearly known. He has had girlfriends and since we are bestfriends he and I know all of our intimate infomation from our previous relationship.

I do understand your point of view on different cultures where men hold hands and maybe even stroke each others hands. But you see We're Mexican and in our culture its not very common for men to express themselves that way. Mexicans are the definition of Macho. So that's One of the reasons why i am so confused. Why he had been acting to me that way.

Honestly I don't know IF i am IN love with him, but i could see myself falling for him. To me he's my perfect guy. Funny, Smart. and to top it all of me makes me feel idk like if we're ment for each other. But like I said i don't now if this is all in my head.

He knows i have had boyfriends and for some reason or another he always seems to disapprove of them. I dont know why. but hes always talking down to them

 

[Luckycharms]

I think you made the right decision to deny him that blowjob, despite your temptation. You built a lasting friendship with him for that long, it would have been a shame to risk it all for one blowjob.

But now that you two have already been growing apart, maybe this could be a transition period of opportunity. I just recommend you ease into it and finding out how he feels about you two. But don't focus on just the blowjob.

For me it wasnt about the blow job. because for me with him i actually wanted a relationship. I simply didnt want to be used.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Luckycharms,

You are welcome. And thanks alot for your quick and friendly reply. Good to hear your friend (and your other friends) are aware that you are gay, and that your friends is straight, and that both know that from each other. And that is it not a big deal that you are gay.

Well. I tend to give you the advice that it is some sort of 'bad luck' for you that you dream about him, and that you have 'love' feelings for him. He is straight, and I tend to think that you must accept this. So he can not be your boyfriend, just because he is straight. Does not mean that he can stay your very best and your very close guy friend for the rest of your life. So please try not to fall in love with him. He cannot satisfy you with becoming your boyfriend, as he is straight (until he tells you this is not longer the case).

And now about Mexican males being / behaving 'macho'.

I disagree with you, and I will explain why. I am a male of 55 and I am living in The Netherlands (born and raised over here, and been living here for the whole of my life). I have visited Mexico (once in 2006) and I have also visited some other countries in that area (Guatemala, Cuba, Belize). In total, I have spend around two and a half weeks in Mexico (southern part, part of the so-called Ruta Maya). Wonderful experience, amazing culture!

Towards my experience, I can easily flirt with a large amount of Mexican guys, just casual encounters during this visit. Totally different compared to the situation over here. So no problem at all to have immediately eye-contact with each other, smile with each other (including very sweet smiles), even talk with each other (limited cos my level of Spanish is nil). And males over there are much more toughy compared to straight males over here.

So you might have the experience that Mexican males are macho, but my experiences (a white male of then 50) were totally different, especially when I compare it with the situation over here (The Netherlands and surrounding countries). Over here, no way that's its so easy to flirt with casual encounters, and no way guys over here are very touchy.

So maybe your friend is just one of the many examples of those Mexican males who is used to touch male friends, to hold the hands of his male friend, or to stroke the hands of his straight and tight male friend (but only under the table)?

Well, that's just my opinion and my experience. Maybe, others over here will provide you with other insights.

Best wishes, and keep asking questions if you have more.

 

[Seasoned]

Our instincts are often our best guide and too often overruled. Saying no was the right thing to do. My guess is that you are dreaming about him because you're horny and you almost gave in to him, so the idea still titillates you. My best advice is to do what you can to meet available gay guys. You deserve a sex life.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

I have to say I dont think that giving him a blowjob would necessarily ruin your relationship on his end, since he seems to be comfortable with you and was sober at the time when he asked... But if you feel you can not do it without getting hurt or attached then obviously do not do it... it is sometimes hard because i think that love is just friends with attraction. So it is hard to be just friends sometimes with attractive people... especially if they are your ideal partner.. I had this happen to me with a roommate once, I lasted most of the year without crushing on him but the more I got to know him and find out how compatible we were besides me being a man and not a woman the more I crushed on him

 

[Luckycharms]

Thanks you guys for all the advice.

Yet i still cant understand why he is like this towards me. I seem to be in a rut! in one way i just want to be done with it and move on. in another theres a part of me that like the fact that he's like this towards me. I feel as though he takes advantage of my feelings towards him. I have made it clear on many times towards him how i feel, and have told him that as much as i like our hand holding and moments that they have to stop because it isnt fair to me. Its like he has me on a Cliff hoping hes going to rescue me but i know im going to fall to my death. I have tried to compare our time together to my other staright guy friends and none of that we do is the same with them. It honestly feels like an on going roller-coster with this guy, its mostly down and very little ups.

 

[Delphi124]

Meet some gay guys. As long as you only hang out with str8 friends who "may" like you, you will feel in this rut. That doesn't mean you can't be friends with him, but don't waste time fantasizing over him. I am gay, but before I came out (and even after at first) I was a jerk and would flirt with girls plenty, even going slightly further than that. At the end of the day, though, I like guys and that wasn't going to change. It just felt nice to have the adoration. Your friend may well be doing the same thing with you. Even if he is gay (which I doubt), he is closeted enough that he won't be willing to date you any time soon.

Re: machismo, I agree that culture plays a role in physical affection between males, but in my experience (living for several years in Latin America) machismo is more an attitude towards women than anything else. In my experience it in no way stops str8 men from being affectionate with other men. In fact the most affectionate straight guy friends I have ever had were latino (or Asian). Just my experience anyway.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

He probably thinks that the flirting and potential sex would just be sex.. guys can have sex without deep attachments.... explain to him you it hurts you and teases you because you genuinely like him