my straight friend/roomate

[Ebayazn]

I am sorry i have to be blatant about this. Of course he is going to say he sees himself living with you forever and enjoys hanging out with you because he gets freebies! The guy will never learn to stand on his own until you let him go. Give him an ultimatum when he should leave.
But it looks like this is not what you wanted after all. You are delusionally in love with the guy. The fact you allow him to call you names is self abusive enough. Honestly, i've been there that's why I am telling you this. I had to be strong to let him go. I had to do it before there is nothing left of me. And it ended well. He learned to live on his own. We are still friends.

 

[saintl1]

Look I feel u, the only men I felt that I have really loved are two straight men and the both have come and gone in my life. But I connected with them on another level other than sex which I can't seem to find with gay men.

But you have to keep in mind that they will never love u in that way and u have to let them go

 

[cinnamontea]

it seems like a really bad co-dependency relationship. just confront and ask him what does he want. then you'll get your answer there.

 

[rjason2425]

Thank you again everyone for your honesty, compassion and advice. Im trying to get the courage to have a big talk with him. Its a delicate situation and has to have the right timing to bring it up when he is in a talkative mood.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I'm late to this, but I think you need to swing around to the Big Talk sooner rather than later. All the talking thus far might easily be read by him as you suggesting that nothing should change and you're perfectly 100% happy which you've said is not the case.

Any more small talks and the Big Talk is going to come like a bolt out of the blue and really hit him, hard.

-d-

 

[txbonhomme]

Your roomate does seems to be in an inward battle. He needs to do some soul-searching, find out what he truly wants in life. Does he want to be gay, straight, or bi? If he wants to be straight, you could support him and tell him it's ok to have some homosexual desires. Gay/Straight/Bi aren't mutually exclusive, either-or, categories. He could be heteroflexible. And if he wants to build confidence, why does't he also take the intellectual route? Why doesn't he go to college? Did you hear that college graduates make a lot more than non-college graduates? Even if he gets a two year associate's degree that would help.

 

[zanadu]

What I always say to my straight friends is this and yes I have been attracted to one or two in the past. If they were attracted to another guy and not me I might be as you say 'heart-broken' but the fact they are attracted to girls means I cannot compete but this leaves no room for jealousy or heart-break as logically there is no justifiable reason or cause for it.

That may sound harsh and unfeeling but it is not meant to but it is to re-enforce a reality check and being a guy who walks the talk and says what he means and means what he says; my delivery is blunt, direct but honest and remember this too .. "Life is the lesson, experience the teacher" and that "Everything happens for a reason!" .. coincidence is man's explanation for the unexplainable but whatever happens in our lives, it is not for us to wonder why but for us to determine what we are supposed to learn from whatever it is that has happened!" Just some wisdom to consider and ponder upon! When the time is right, you'll find Mr. Right!"

All the very best to you and to healing!

Zanadu

 

[Newmercedes]

My best friend of 15 years. In the past we've fooled around when he is drunk. Of course next day blames me, never wants it to happen again. And of course it did off and on. Of course i fall in live with him. Later on in life he moves in with me, almost been 4 years. He doesnt have a job and im supporting him. Nothing sexual has taken place since he has moved in. Frusterating and supprisingly. He takes care of everything around the house, even my laundry. We do absolutely everything together. We go to his familys place and camp with them. We do not hang put without each other. Basically he is my house husband but with no romance at all. I am confused by this relationship. I love having him here but i desire him so badly especially knowing what weve had in the past. Not sure why he wont entertain the thought. Until last saturday we took a low dose of adderal and were drinking. He was so nice this night not like a mean drunk he can be sometimes. I put on some porn and sucked his dick. I was in heaven. The next day he didnt remember a thing, of course. Maybe true maybe not. What I dont understand is when his mind is focused and he doesnt feel depressed stuff happens and he is ok with it. Is he holding back how he feels about me because he absolutely hate that he has these feelings. Sometimes i think he takes it out on me, calling me fag and queer. Stupid shit, but yet i pay for everything he needs.
Maybe its time i send him on his way or tell him if you cant be WITH me then i need to let you go.
Thanks for reading.

I wish I can have a Friend/ Roommate like yours

 

[zanadu]

Immediately coming to mind .. either he has ambiguous feelings he is wrestling with and not yet ready to confront except under the influence of alcohol in which case he can blame this and shirk any personal responsibility and be careful as could easily blame you and even spread word you took advantage of him .. or he is playing you and as you pay for everything let's you sometimes when he is willing pleasure him but notice it is not reciprocated and this not something suggested by him! You must decide if you are his meal ticket and the best way to do this is to be upfront when you are both sober and to ask him directly the score and you will see from his reaction exactly what that is and then is the time for you to decide what your next best course of action ought to be!

All the best,

Zanadu