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my update

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Back in August I was debating whether or not I was going to tell my mom's side of the family about being gay. All my friends and family had known for months; my parents and grandma knew for a few years. I was really worried because that side of the family is KKK-wannabe, Nazi-wannabe, whatever hate group you can think of wannabe; just really unkind, hateful people. I didn't want to cause a problem, but my mom was dead set on telling them. Her excuse being, "they're your family so they deserve to know." I constantly argued with my mom that it was not her decision to tell anyone and that I was very nervous and anxious about telling them.

However, this Christmas I was tired of the arguing and figured it would come out (no pun intended) eventually and I was tired of worrying. So, I decided to let my mom tell them. I told my younger cousin, who's 17, before hand and she was fine with it, as well as my aunt, who was fine with it as well. Knowing that all reactions probably wouldn't be so positive, my mom told me and my cousin, who's 19 and has known for a few months, to go for a drive. We didn't walk to my car, we ran and got the Hell out of there. We had my younger cousin sit in the room and listen so she could report back to us.

It turns out her twin brother was angry that I didn't tell him. In my defense, I didn't want him to look at me different. I didn't want him to think everytime we go down the shore I'd be checking him out, or everytime we wrestle I was just trying to feel him up. He's not mad about it now though.

My one uncle put his head down in his hands, shook his head, and then got up and left. My other aunt agreed with him so they've pretty much disowned me since that point.

My grandma on that side thinks I'm just trying to prove myself and that "pretending" to be gay is just an excuse to gain attention and make myself stand out from the rest of the grandchildren. My grandpa is so out of his mind he probably just didn't understand what was going on to begin with.

Now, my other two uncles, who are known to be the worst, didn't have a problem with it. Keep in mind, they are the ones who beat up a Middle Eastern boy after 9/11 because he Middle Eastern, they beat up a gay volunteer firefighter just because he's a gay, and even beat my own cousin because she was dating a black boy. They've also been not so nice to me to the point where my one uncle used to hit me and the other one isn't allowed to be in a room with me alone anymore. They gave me this, "I love you so much. I'll stand by you no natter what." bullshit that I saw right through. I'll take it for whatever they say, but I do know they were lying and a problem probably will arise in the future.

So, not as bad as I thought, but still, some people were lying probably because it's only Christmas.
 
Well, now that it's out in the open, I'd say it's up to you how to deal with these people in the future. If any of them make you uncomfortable - like, you know, the one who hit you? - then you're allowed to simply cut off contact with them. Don't let anyone lay any "but they're family" BS on you either - family is as family does, and it sounds like a few of your relatives aren't behaving like family.

Do take the time to e-mail/call the people who were genuinely supportive and thank them. They deserve that much.

Lex
 
I wonder why the family "deserves to know" per your mother's philosophy? You deserve to come out when you are ready.

Still, it doesn't sound like it came out too badly.

Best wishes.
 
That sounds like a complicated, uncomfortable family. I hope you find ways to spend time with people who you can be relaxed around and enjoy yourself around.
 
I wonder why the family "deserves to know" per your mother's philosophy? You deserve to come out when you are ready.

Still, it doesn't sound like it came out too badly.

Best wishes.
My sentiment exactly.

Even though things turned out alright (kinda sorta) anyway, she should have respected your wishes about who knew and who didn't--especially insofar as she could not (rightfully) guarantee uniform acceptance.

Take care! (*8*)
 
She's always been on this "my family deserves to be equal to your dad's." Truth is, I am very close with my dad's side of the family and want little to do with hers. I think she's jealous that I disown her family, and embrace my dad's. But after years and years of abuse, verbally and physically (hittin), and seeing how they interact with each other... is it really that shocking to her?

You look at my physical features and then look at the traits on her side, you can clearly see I look nothing like them. They're straight up Italian, 100%. I'm 50% Italian, 25% German, 25% Russian. So, I have dirty blonde hair and all of them have really dark brown hair. That's just an example, but still it's another thing that drives the wedge between the families. I'm not allowed to talk about "being german or anything German" there because they're holding some grudge from WWII or something.

My mom tried to worse me into telling my brother, but he shares a lot of their personality traits so I fought her on that one and told him when I wanted too.

I would think she would be more sensitive toward my decision to tell people because the way my dad's side found out was kind of harsh. My one aunt desided to fake a coming out story I "told her" and called every family member and outed me. I didn't even know til a month later when my other aunt and two cousin's told me what happened.

I guess it's all-right though. Everyone who needs to know does. Except my roommates. They said, "if we ever got a gay roommate we'd move out because it would be too uncomfortable." They're idiots anyway so I'm not worried about them that much.
 
Gee, I'm not sure I'd be that anxious to be around some of the people in your family.

At some point though, you should break it to the roomies. So what if they move out? Just advertise for some gay friendly roomies instead.
 
Wow I think what your aunt did about making up a "coming out story" stinks, although I'm glad it all turned out OK.

Sometimes, once the word gets "out," it can be very hard to control how far "out" it gets. but it sounds like you're doing OK. cool.
 
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