my voice

[biboy123456]

I don't really know if this is the right forum for this, but it seems to be the best fit.

Basically, I consider myself bisexual (like having sex with men, relationships with women) but I have a slight camp tone to my voice. I'm not out, as I don't feel personally ready, but I have accepted what I am. Other than my voice, I don't have any mannerisms etc that would suggest I'm anything other than straight.

Normally I wouldn't mind the voice, and I've been fine with it until recently. However I'm the guy that gets called gay in the group, which obviously almost fits - which I think is due to my voice. When my group mixes with other people, they call me gay infront of girls etc and as a result of my voice and being called gay - girls start to think its the truth.

Because of this, I feel as some girls don't think I'm interested and its sort of a barrier from me approaching girls and being approached myself. I think coming out as bi would solve this issue in a way, but as I said previously I'm not ready for that just yet.

So I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to change my voice, to appear more 'straight'?

I understand some people will tell me not to change etc, but it's something I'm quite self concious about and want to do it for myself - not to make other people feel better.

 

[skips]

I am unaware of any ways in which you can change your voice to sound more "straight" or masculine. You can try sounding different, but it will end up sounding... fake. Your voice is yours, there's really not much you can do about it.

What I think you should focus on isn't your voice, it's how you feel about your voice. If nobody gave you shit about your voice, would you still dislike it? Probably not. I think that by accepting and becoming comfortable with your voice, just as it is, you'll help yourself in more ways than you may know.

However, to answer your question, I would recommend one of two things: Either tell the people who stereotype you based solely on the tone of your voice to bend over, or you can bite the proverbial bullet and admit that you're bi. The only other choice that I can see is to just grin and bear it... though that doesn't seem like much of an option.

Just my two cents, but ultimately the choice is yours.

 

[KaraBulut]

Explain: what is it about your voice that makes you think you sound gay?

 

[biboy123456]

After posting, I realise what I said came out different than what I wanted to.

I'm not looking for a magical cure or anything, just something to maybe alter my voice even slightly. But what you're saying is true, I probably wouldn't have a problem if people didnt give me grief for it - but they do and so I'd like to know if its possible to change. I don't want people to think I'm being bullied either, it's just friendly banter and I do say things back.

To Kara:
I'm not really sure how to explain it, it's not a lisp or anything really obvious - it's just a slight camp tone. I don't talk very fast, as I mumble quite a lot so I think it may be to do with pronunciation or something.

 

[skips]

Hey, I know how you feel. I always wanted to have a deeper voice, as well as one with a less "nasal" tone to it, I just had to come to terms with the fact that my voice sounds the way that it does.

I believe you when you say that it's not done in a mean-spirited way, but if you're bothered by it then something should be done. The next time they give you a hard time about your voice just tell them, "That's kinda fucked up. It's not like I can help how my voice sounds." or something along those lines, to let them know that it bugs you.

I hope I'm being helpful and not coming across as a total douche.

 

[biboy123456]

You aren't coming across as a douche, I appreciate the advice.
Although I've tried that approach before, it got a 'we didnt realise' sort of reaction then went back to normal a few days later.
Don't really have a problem with the actual thing, its just the effect of it - the picture being painted of me that other people hear about without knowing me.

In short, my voice (or my own perception of it) is sort of giving me confidence issues.

 

[skips]

I know it may be difficult, but I have every confidence that you'll eventually be able to just shrug off their comments or just get to the point where you can no longer be bothered with those people.

Out of curiosity, have you tried anything to attempt changing your voice at all?

 

[NineOfClubs]

There are voice coaches, the type actors use, that probably for a steep price could have you sounding like anything from Harrison Ford to Simon Cowell.

 

[skips]

^ That's actually pretty cool.

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

Wait is it your friends who call you gay because of your voice? Get new friends they sound like assholes.

 

[Lube]

Fixing your voice will not fix your problem. It's a band aid at best.

The problem is that you have not accepted yourself for who you are.

Love yourself, warts and all. It is who you are. It is what makes you unique. (FWIW, I have a pretty gay sounding voice, too.)

My guess is your friends do love you even if you are gay--they pretty much assume you are. That's better than many people get.

They've pretty much outed you already. So why are you afraid to acknowledge what they already know? What are you afraid of?

 

[KaraBulut]

To Kara:
I'm not really sure how to explain it, it's not a lisp or anything really obvious - it's just a slight camp tone. I don't talk very fast, as I mumble quite a lot so I think it may be to do with pronunciation or something.

It's an important distinction.

For guys who have a lisp, speech therapy is an option. When I was a child, speech therapists went around to the schools and worked with kids who had lisps to help them with pronunciation. David Sedaris has a short story about how all the gay-appearing boys were given speech therapy when he was in school but at my school, it was mostly girls who worked with the speech therapist.

What you're describing sounds more like a learned pattern of speech. That can be unlearned through working with a voice coach. You'll find voice coaches through local theatres or in the university drama departments.

 

[rareboy]

If it bothers you, get voice training.

But why train yourself to be someone you're not?

And be honest with your voice coach. Tell them you don't want to sound like a screaming queen.

But I hope that you'll learn to love yourself more and to accept yourself, instead of only worrying how others see you.

By the way, Margaret Thatcher had coaching to turn her from a shrieking harridan into the low voiced, measured cadenced political monster she became as Prime Minister.

 

[theplayerking]

I'm a trained actor. Getting vocal training is no different than getting braces or going to the gym. Many gay actors have to get rid of vocal mannerisms to get work.

The classes doesn't have to be expensive either. Many community colleges offer voice classes. That would be a good place to start.

First impressions matter. If it bothers you, there's no shame in doing something about it.

 

[GhostMost]

My friend calls the nasal voice as someone has a "tweet." Strange I know, not the point. If you're looking for straight up one night stands with girls then change your voice, or try to. But, if you're trying to actually find some girl you love out there, and the ones that hear from those other guys about your voice ignores you because of this aren't worth trying to even talk to. Get new friends, fuck the girls, and talk to some guy close to you about your voice.

 

[Seasoned]

Just curious how long this has been a problem for you. Is this a new group of friends? I would have a hard time calling them friends. Once you've been picked on like this this group will probably not change their banter even with a new voice. I hope you find some resolution.