Need advice. A change of heart in my search…

[firsttimeagain]

I’ve pretty much realized I have been pretty unrealistic in my expectations. As for you guys that know my posts and have been super kind reading them and giving me encouragement, I sure appreciate it. I’m sure you think I’m making things difficult for myself. I still have zero experience with another guy, I have recently admitted to myself and on here that I am gay and have always been gay, I’ve just never acted on it. Now I am trying to move forward and find a relationship with a guy. I say relationship and that is what I realize is one expectation that is probably unrealistic thinking I’m going to magically find the perfect situation. So, my realization and experience of checking out a relationship app as well as a website geared towards long term relationships has been futile to say the least.

My thoughts have changed somewhat. Ultimately, I still want a lasting relationship and will continue to try to find that as time moves forward. I’ve got to be patient to find that. But, the reason for this post and my change of heart is… I want to have sex with a man. I’ve always wanted it and that is not going to change. I still want to be safe, but I’m ready to move forward and find a partner to enjoy having sex with. I think I deserve to at least start enjoying and learning to be who I am sexually. Then maybe I can find that lasting relationship as time moves forward. It’s all got to be safe and I don’t want to be promiscuous. But I want to have sex with a man. I’m gay and those desires are real. Those desires have always been a part of who I am and I’ve never given myself a chance to find a partner. I guess I’ve been somewhat in denial and spent my life running from it. I’m not going to run from it any longer. Even if I had a jackoff partner to start, I just want to start being who I am in real life.

Is it possible to find a place to start without just hooking up with just anybody? Where can I get started looking around and meeting like minded guys? Are apps an option or is that all horn dogs? I know of one simi nearby city that has a gay night at a local bar. I’m not sure if that makes since either, but at least I could be around likeminded guys to have conversations with. I’m sure that will be a little uncomfortable at first, but I want to start interacting with guys and be able to talk openly about those desires. Maybe I will meet someone to actually spend some time with that understands the way I feel.

I know it’s not all about the sex, but I want the sex because I have a lot to share and I feel like I need to break the ice. It’s time. It’s past time really. But, now it’s truly the time. It’s been hard for me to get to this point. Not sure how I’ve suppressed it for all these years. I’ve never been more sure about anything as I am now. It really feels good to say to myself, I am gay, it’s been a long time coming that’s for sure. That is really a weight taken off of my shoulders. I look so forward to enjoying another man’s body and giving him pleasure.

So, long winded again…but I need suggestions about moving forward. I need sex to get started and hopefully I’ll find a lasting relationship along the way. Am I on the right track? Does it get easier? Can I find good safe sex? Is my thought process realistic? Thanks for your help guys. I’m so ready…

 

[KaraBulut]

...I’ve pretty much realized I have been pretty unrealistic in my expectations. As for you guys that know my posts and have been super kind reading them and giving me encouragement, I sure appreciate it. I’m sure you think I’m making things difficult for myself...

Most of us have been around long enough to see a lot of "coming out" processes. Not everyone does it the same way but, most of the time, it eventually works out.

...Is it possible to find a place to start without just hooking up with just anybody? Where can I get started looking around and meeting like minded guys?

Something to think about...

This guy probably didn't start out with the bar this high. It's more likely that he set the bar much lower and practiced his jump technique until he got the hang of it. Once he got the hang of getting over the lower bar, then he probably moved the bar higher and higher. And in that process, he probably did a lot of really crappy jumps where he knocked over the bar.

In your last thread, you set the bar really high. Maybe it's time to reconsider your strategy and start with a lower bar until you get the hang of it?

There's a lot of lower bar options. Maybe just focus on meeting other people? Maybe focus on making some gay friends? Maybe take an interest in other people and just hang out without putting pressure on yourself to find a relationship?

 

[firsttimeagain]

I don’t know if talking on here is actually coming out, but it is surly a start as I’ve never even uttered the words to myself that “I am gay”. So, I guess that is progress. I don’t care to shout it from a mountain top or walk in a parade to prove a point. People will come to their own conclusion as they see me hanging out with a guy all the time. I’m sure I have to come out enough to let guys know I’m interested. But, if I’m around other gay men then I assume they will know. It’s a bit complicated I guess when you’re never crossed that bridge. But, making gay friends is a given. I’m ready indeed.

Your analogy is well taken and my original post is basically saying the same thing as a change of heart. Finding likeminded friends and seeing where that goes. Just being able to talk openly about it will eventually lead to those other opportunities. I still don’t want to lower the bar so low that I’m not being safe. But, the sex is a given. I’m so ready to share and learn…