Need advice about a crush

[Blomp100]

So, I'll start from the beginning. About a month ago I was going to a group that's once a week and I met another guy there and a girl, the group thing that we go to just happened to be cancelled that day so we decided to hang out at a bar which was right next door and just get to know each other, we hung out for an hour or so and we all had a great time and left our ways and went back home.

A few days later I found the guy on grindr and I was shocked that he was into guys (but then again I'm almost closeted myself so...) Anyway I didn't want to message him on grindr because we exchanged numbers and all that so I just messaged him to see how he was doing, he was doing good and invited me out to hang out and have dinner and go to an event and I agreed and we had a great time, We talked about going to the gym and needing workout partners and all that so we agreed to it and have been working out together and it's been going really well!

Anyway, yesterday he invited me out to an event going around the city and we had a really good time, there were a lot of moments where we flirted with each other and my friend said that she could tell I had a crush on him because everytime I looked at him I would look at him in such a romantic way which I had no idea I was doing so I am glad she told me but anyway, we left our other friends because they were also hanging out with us and it was just us and we had a really good conversation and I felt he was making lowkey hints about possibly wanting more in this friendship, possibly a relationship. He was saying tonight was a 8 and that if he just got sex it would turn into a 10 and all that stuff. He drove me home and then I said the dreaded words "I want to give you a kiss on the cheek"

He responded with "I want to keep this mutual as of at least right now" And I was so embarrassed that I wanted to just jump out of the car but he said wait I'll give you a hug and I left the car and messaged him that I felt really embarrassed and even apologised and said let's pretend the very end of the night didn't happen and he said for me not to worry about it at all with a cute blush emoji.

He said a lot more that indicated he wanted more so I don't know if I just read it wrong or he is giving me mixed signs, etc.

But another guy has never gave me these feelings before, I am starting to really care about him and I just don't want to fuck this up.

What do you guys think? What should I

 

[NotHardUp1]

From reading your account, it seems like your friend meant to keep it platonic, as mutual isn't much indicative of anything in that context.

As to how to proceed, figure it out together. He may simply not be in favor of moving into a sexual friendship yet. Of course, it's possible he's interested in someone else and not saying it, and it's possible he wants a gay friend not a gay friend with benefits.

100 things are possible. We can second-guess them till the cows come home, but that won't mean we guess right.

Be glad you have a gay friend. Be glad he may be interested in you. Be strong enough to work through it without worrying yourself to death. As the opportunity arises, bring the topic up to discuss it without it being a referendum on whether or not he loves you. Try to put it on the table in neutral terms as something you two friends need to talk through.

Try not apologizing or appealing, but simply airing how you feel and how he feels. Make sure you choose some time when you won't be interrupted or rushed, like when you're on a long drive or on a hike, or just hanging without any schedule.

 

[rareboy]

You did nothing to apologize for.

Enjoy the time with him and see where it goes.

 

[jaysizzles]

You've let him know you're interested, now it's up to him to determine whether or not he is...the ball is in his court. He may have a reason for not wanting to pursue more with you and isn't ready/willing to share why, yet. I got the impression from your OP that he's closeted and, maybe, if he's only had grindr hookups, it might be scary for him to be with a guy he likes. It seems you have a good friendship going, so I'd just continue with that and your gym workouts for now, and see how things go.

 

[TX-Beau]

When a guy tells you no, listen to him. If you spend enough time being just a friend, he may change his mind he may not, but if you like hanging out with him does that really mater.

If you are closeted, you aren't in a position to pursue a relationship anyway.

 

[mcbrion]

when a guy tells you no, listen to him. If you spend enough time being just a friend, he may change his mind he may not, but if you like hanging out with him does that really mater.

If you are closeted, you aren't in a position to pursue a relationship anyway.

spot on

 

[SeaCore]

If you are closeted, you aren't in a position to pursue a relationship anyway.

I think this warrants some push back.

There are a lot of stressors that come with being in a closeted relationship. But it can be an environment that can get you more comfortable with becoming out. It could also eat away at the relationship and can be an easy environment for abuse to show up; the lack of experience, the people in your life being less aware of what's happening to you if you start becoming isolated, etc.

I hope you do work towards being in a place where you can be out. But you don't have to let being in the closet hold you back from an opportunity. If you find a supportive partner that is okay with you being in the closet; it's their choice to stay with you.