Need advice about a hookup...

[j0rdan]

I understand hook ups are exactly that. I've had my share. I dont like the way he and guys like him treat people. they weren't dating and didnt have a relationship but he could have had the common courtesy to be honest. All he had to say was "thanks but I was just looking for a nsa hook up." Instead he makes some lame ass excuse that left the op confused. he was good enough to hook up with but suddenly is too young. bs sometimes a taste of ones own medicine helps people realize what it feels like to be treated the way they treat others. Thats all I was and am saying.

meet up with him and say "oh. I dont hook up with guys too old" and walk away. It's not fun being on the receiving end of something like that.

Steven.

+1000

If you can't take it, don't dish it, period.

The guy was being an obnoxious turd, & he had no reasonable justification to be degrading or abusive as he did with the op - be it dating, hookups or otherwise.

People love being acknowledged with a sense of decency/respect, but when it comes to returning the favor to others - such wants/needs are no longer a priority. Simply put, such actions/behaviour reeks of hypocrisy.

 

[j0rdan]

...I'd like to think that everybody deserves better than a guy who doesn't even remember their face after fucking them.

+1

To TX, normally I find your ideas practical & sensible, but the point of those who're opposed to his douche is: he treats people like meat, especially after he fucks them & is too inane to remember if it was a cow, duck or dog that he fucked (a revolting sentiment for most).

Vindictive? For someone who's been through a lot of involuntary abuse since childhood, to qualify that as vindictive would take a wee bit more (on the ops part).

 

[Lube]

To TX, normally I find your ideas practical & sensible, but the point of those who're opposed to his douche is: he treats people like meat, especially after he fucks them & is too inane to remember if it was a cow, duck or dog that he fucked (a revolting sentiment for most).

it's a hookup, for Christ's sake. You are treated like a piece of meat.

A hookup is not a fuckbuddy or friend-with-benefits. There's no 'buddy' or 'friend' in 'hookup'. It means fuck and forget. This is on Craigslist, for Christ's sake!

I agree with TX Beau.

And I'll ask the OP: what do you really expect out of a guy who advertises on CL? He's not looking to date you. Move on. Don't even bother with this guy, he'll break your heart again.

I suggest finding places or sites other than CL if you're looking for a relationship.

 

[j0rdan]

...You are treated like a piece of meat.

A hookup is not a fuckbuddy or friend-with-benefits. There's no 'buddy' or 'friend' in 'hookup'...

So basically, consensual sex with a stranger is purely utilitarian; should be treated as such; much like what people do with toilet paper?

Craigslist may be the physical embodiment of sleaze, but this is the first time I've heard of such conduct defined like a standard procedure in some manual for 'new' gays.

Then again, personal experience in such situations varies drastically between JUB members - and this without adding JUB's wide age demographic into the mix (much less the myriad of other factors).

 

[Lube]

Jordan, I'm not trying to say people should expect or demand to be treated like crap. Far from it.

But some people are acting like he's some despicable guy because he didn't want to communicate after the hookup. Or that he lied. Sure, maybe he did lie, maybe the OP wasn't too young for him. But it doesn't make him despicable.

I think far worse is someone--especially a fuckbuddy or FWB that you know--who doesn't show up for a prearranged meeting or cancels after the fact. That happens all the time. That's more rude because you know and (presumably) respect the person as a friend.

But a hookup not wanting further contact? That's not nearly as egregious. I mean, it's part of the contract.

 

[EphGuy]

i too learned the hard way that hook-ups are totally self-limited encounters. they almost by definition don't lead to anything, not even a second hook-up. the whole idea of it is that its just sex. so i would guess that you freaked him out by asking for a second-round. i did that with some of my early hook-ups. i've learned from experiences that second times usually pale next to the first, unless of course there's another guy involved.

a lot of times i don't even use my real name when i meet up for nsa fun. it ads a little more excitement to it -- i'm less inhibited. and i'm not the only guy i know who does that. so what i'd do is tell this guy you have a different name, and let bobby or justin mess around with him. don't even tell him you've met before: i'd be surprised if he remembered. i know i wouldn't. someone i fucked two years ago? ancient fuckin' history!

don't log onto grindr, craigslist, manhunt, adam4adam looking for true love. when i go on line, i usually want to fuck.

 

[Rolyo85]

I found my true love on Grindr. Been together 7 months now. Just saying.

 

[swimstud]

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I think that you guys are reading this the wrong way. I didn't want anything more than a hookup from him either...the reason I contacted him before was just to hookup with him again.

at present my main questions are: if you met up with someone who you hooked up with 3 or so years ago (but you weren't aware before meeting up) would you recognize them?

sorry if you misread my post. but thanks anyway guys!

 

[Rolyo85]

There is absolutely no way anyone can give you a satisfying answer to that. I know I would recognize them instantly. Others won't. Depends on so many factors - internal and external - that even if you get a 1000 people saying "no", the guy might still easily recognize you.

 

[chance1]

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I think that you guys are reading this the wrong way. I didn't want anything more than a hookup from him either...the reason I contacted him before was just to hookup with him again.

at present my main questions are: if you met up with someone who you hooked up with 3 or so years ago (but you weren't aware before meeting up) would you recognize them?

sorry if you misread my post. but thanks anyway guys!

Unless the person's appearance changed drastically ............ I absolutely would recognize them

and not being recognized would be a blow to my ego

but doesn't mean i wouldn't have sex with him again

 

[j0rdan]

Jordan, I'm not trying to say people should expect or demand to be treated like crap. Far from it.

But some people are acting like he's some despicable guy because he didn't want to communicate after the hookup. Or that he lied. Sure, maybe he did lie, maybe the OP wasn't too young for him. But it doesn't make him despicable.

I think far worse is someone--especially a fuckbuddy or FWB that you know--who doesn't show up for a prearranged meeting or cancels after the fact. That happens all the time. That's more rude because you know and (presumably) respect the person as a friend.

But a hookup not wanting further contact? That's not nearly as egregious. I mean, it's part of the contract.

Oh I see what you're saying now, it makes much more sense after being put into that context. Thanks for elaborating.

 

[Lube]

I appreciate everyone's advice, but I think that you guys are reading this the wrong way. I didn't want anything more than a hookup from him either...the reason I contacted him before was just to hookup with him again.

at present my main questions are: if you met up with someone who you hooked up with 3 or so years ago (but you weren't aware before meeting up) would you recognize them?

sorry if you misread my post. but thanks anyway guys!

It depends on how many thousands of intervening hookups there were.

Also, the hotter he is, the more likely I'd remember. However, someone as young as you might look different enough in 3 years that even then I might not remember.

This is all theoretical, by the way, since I haven't hooked up in years.

 

[Seasoned]

There's no way of knowing for sure. Before proceeding try to predict your reaction if he remembers or if he doesn't. Personally, I'd still look elsewhere.

PS. Perhaps, someday, I'll tell the story of how I met my husband 29 years ago.

 

[TX-Beau]

Would I recognize the guy? Probably, I wouldn't have hooked up with him if he didn't get my attention on some level. Would I go for a repeat? That would depend on a number of factors. Like how the experience went the first time, etc...