Need advice for writing subtle flirtation

[icantscratchit]

I'm working on a story about two guys who unexpectedly begin developing a sexual attraction between the two of them. They subtly flirt with each other. Each are shy introverts which doesnt help them just coming out with their feelings for one another and only intensifies the underlying sexual tension ready to burst at any moment. I'm basing this on a real life experience of mine from several years ago and using some of the exchanges we've used on each other. I'm thinking of maybe spicing it up a little, I'm not sure if it comes off as flirting (even though in my real life experience between two shy guys it certainly was which eventually led to a hot make out). Some exchanges I'll be using are...

(Boy 2 finds out he wont be able to chew for a week after dental surgery)
Boy 1: well have someone chew up your food, open your mouth and let them spit it in.
Boy 2: you're a freak.
Boy 1: you dont even know...
(Boy 2 blushes): care to elaborate?
(Boy 1 just smiles and walks away)

Boy 1: why are we still inside? It's so sunny out.
Boy 2: let's go out there and get a tan.
Boy 1: only if you agree to walk in the rain with me tomorrow in our bathing suits.
Boy 2: I'd love to see you in a bathing suit.

(After a few days of silence between the two and catching each other frequently gazing at one another from a distance. Sexual tension is at a high level by this point.)
Boy 2: why haven't you said hello to me the last 3 days? I dont like us not talking.
Boy 1: I'm sorry. I guess I didn't realize.
(They gaze into each others eyes)
Boy 1: but you know I'm not completely at fault. It takes two to say hello.
Boy 2: it takes two to tango.
Boy 1: it takes two to do a lot of things...
(Boy 2 blushes)
Boy 2: excuse me?!
(They begin to lean in for a kiss but are interrupted by another character about to enter the room)

(Boy 2 is going through boy 1's drawers out of boredom, boy 1 doesnt want boy 2 to find his journal)
Boy 1: you know normally I dont mind it when another dude has his hands in my drawers but in this case take 'em out!
Boy 2: what am I gonna do with you? (Starts bumping up on boy 1 in a playful manner)
Boy 1: I can think of about 100 things
Boy 2 (in a nervous, shakey voice): yeah?
Why do you keep toying with my emotions?
Boy 1: why do you keep acting like I drive you crazy?
Boy 2: it's my way of showing the rest of the world how I feel about you...
(They lean into each other and finally kiss)

(Pardon the grammatical errors, I wrote this out on my phone. Fat fingers.)

 

[Autolycus]

It seems you have had some real life experience and certainly have demonstrated the 'bare bones' of a story. My advice is to go with the flow, write from your heart and your story will fall into place. Read your work before posting it and make any edits you consider necessary to convey the feelings you want to express. Good luck!

 

[Briacon429]

I agree with Autolycus! I obviously don’t know the rest of your story, but from what you’ve said, you’re on the right track. You can take my advice for what it’s worth, but here goes.

First, try to write the way people talk. Sometimes we use complete sentences, with proper grammar, but sometimes we don’t. If your characters are nervous, let them hem and haw. If they’re yelling at each other, they might talk over each other, or they may cut each other off. And if they’re fucking, they may say a lot of random shit that may or may not make sense!

By the same token, people don’t always say what they’re thinking. They may beat around the bush, especially if they’re trying to hide something, or if they’re sensing an awkward moment, or if they’re trying to get in someone’s pants. (Just think of all the shit that goes on at your typical bar!)

Don’t be afraid to let their actions speak for themselves. Sometimes the most telling reactions are silent: a person might roll his eyes, or clear his throat, or fidget with his hands. You have to be careful, because mannerisms can get distracting at times. But when used well, they can be a great tool.

Above all, the dialogue should be right for the characters. So it really all depends on who your characters are. Younger people might use more slang, while an older person may be more uptight, or might use words that have gone out of fashion. Then there’s the issue of where the character is from: I’ll never forget when I read a story set in Chicago, and the characters kept talking about “arses” and “trousers” which kept taking me out of the story! Not that they should’ve talked about “da Bulls” or anything, but the writer was clearly from somewhere else and had no idea how real Chicagoans talked. At minimum, the story should’ve explained it: if those characters had been expats or something, it would’ve made more sense.

I hope that helps. I’m excited to see what you come up with!