need advice: How to ask a guy if he's gay/bi?

[NW007]

Sounds like you have been hanging with him for awhile. I would somehow get on a conversation about dating or what turns him on sexually, and find hints as to whether it is guys or girls that do that for him.

But to be quite frankly, if I have been around a guy for awhile I have a pretty good idea if he is gay or not, so I tend to be rather direct in working the conversation to a point where it is relatively easy to work in to the conversation; "by chance are you gay?" or something like that.

Actually, I usually never have to ask a guy that question, because my "gaydar" has usually picked it up by just being around him.

Hopefully, others on here will have some specific language suggestions for you.

I will be curious as to what you find out about him. Keep us posted.

 

[PATMAN]

Does he know that you're gay? If he doesn't, then if you bring that up at some point, then he'd be way more inclined to tell you if he was too.

 

[castoono]

Better don't. Please be careful. Being kind should be enough. If he wants something, let him make a move.

 

[USEDCAR]

Just ask him if he has a girlfriend and see his reaction

 

[MindBlast]

Better don't. Please be careful. Being kind should be enough. If he wants something, let him make a move.

Nothing will ever happen with this attitude.

My suggestion is to let it be known that you're gay, and then spend lots of time around guys you like. If they like you and want to spend time with you, the gay ones will eventually come out to you as well.

 

[Eagle653]

You have let him know that you're gay. When he found that out, it was a good opportunity for him to express interest in you, if it was there.

But, sometimes these dear ones need a bit more prodding. I've been in your situation. The next step I would ask is if he has a girl friend? Or, I've asked guys "Do you have a girl friend--or boyfriend?" Usually, that's enough prodding to at least divulge which one they're looking for. Or, if I'm feeling particularly bold, I somehow steer the conversation so we're talking about gay stuff and just ask "So, tell me, are you gay?"

A word of caution: Sometimes a straight guy will get all weirded out by asking him if he's gay because he goes on a mind-trip wondering what he's done to make someone think that, or suspect that. If you sense that, you need to be prepared to assure his fragile ego that, no, you didn't suspect it, nor did he do anything to make you think that, you're just curious, that's all. Men!

 

[castoono]

Nothing will ever happen with this attitude.

Once the other guy knows he is gay, and finds out he's kind, that should be enough. Many nice straight guys may get annoying when you make a move on them, and then it may be too late to step back, and believe me, you don't want that, unless you're good at boxing.

My experience

handsome, soft spoken, gorgeous guy, share the same interests with me, we work out together, shower together, he knows I'm gay but never changes behaviour with me, same smile, same jokes. One day I make the slightest question -> never talks to me anymore, and his buddies begin to behave strangely with me. But I have worse experiences with being too cheeky with questions so the OP is right being somehow worried on how to do this. Smart guy.

 

[Seasoned]

As this is a "no flame" forum, I'm having a hard time getting past your "fucking fairies" comment, so from my benign soap box I will remind all that if it weren't for the fucking fairies and the butch dykes at the Stonewall Inn, gay liberation would have been born in another time and place.

It takes more courage to mince across campus than to swagger across.

That said, if nothing has happened with this guy given his friendliness and openess I doubt that anything will. I think it's time to meet other gay guys.