Need advice on coming out

[Ryan23]

Ok my situation is definitely unusual but I would like to know what people think and maybe get some advice on how to proceed.

First of all I'm 23 and I'm a twin we moved out of our parents house almost 2 years ago and we brought a house together. I won't go into to much detail but we realised each other was hiding something, we have always been extremely close, best friends all our lives but in a way really distant. We don't talk about things like feelings or relationships etc so it didnt come as a surprise when we told each other we were gay.

I only really accepted myself about 6/7 months ago when i started to explore and go on dates for the first time. I have been seeing someone for near enough 5 months now and think the world of him but my bro is not a fan shall we say (ill leave out y it gets messy lol) my problem is that I have been ready to tell my parents for a few months now but my twin isn't, he believes that if I do I will out him and he doesn't see why they need to know. We get into arguments every time I bring it up, I personally believe he will never tell my parents. I don't like lying, I have always been close to my mother but I have found myself distancing myself from her because I don't want to lie to her. I am getting frustrated now because I'm having to lie to my parents as to where I'm going what I'm doing, it's making my life difficult as I can't be free so to speak. But I don't want to ruin the the relationship that I have with my twin I think he would hold it against me. I just don't know wat to do....

My bf come out to he's father while seeing me and says its a weight lifted off his shoulders, he's family is extremely cool with it and honestly are really interested in getting to know me more. It's what I want from my family, I'm just afraid that my brother will never forgive me if i tell my parents that I'm gay and they realise he is gay aswell, then on top of that the fact they may not be cool with it.

I know I have to make the decision but I want to hear others opinions

 

[Rolyo85]

Well, if you're gay, that doesn't automatically mean he is as well. So technically he has the choice to lie to them and they have no reason not to believe him.

That said, regardless of how close you are, you have your own lives and his choices can't dictate how you live yours. I find it hard to believe that he won't forgive you if you come out, especially once he comes out himself.

Coming out is a personal process and just as you shouldn't do it because somebody is forcing you, you can also never allow anyone to decide for you if you feel you're ready. How HE deals with it is HIS problem, not yours.

 

[cockbrain]

You can tell anyone you want that YOU are whatever: Gay, str8, bi...but you should NOT tell anyone that your twin is if he does not want that. Telling that he is without his permission would destroy his trust for you.

 

[The White Stripe]

I may seem a bit insensitive, but if you want to tell your parents you should. Your brother shouldn't influence what you do or do not tell your own parents. I don't see why that would lead them to think that he was gay too. I've seen TONS of twins where one is gay and the other is completely straight.

Do what makes you happy and if telling them would give you relief and improve your ability to talk to them, I say the best thing would be to tell them. Obviously don't mention your brother, but this is about you and your parents. It isn't about him.

You are twins, but you are not the same person. You are not jointly, gay. Your are individuals.

Best of luck, Ryan. Keep us updated.

 

[seven2go]

^ You've seen TONS of twins where one is gay and the other is completely straight?

Do tell........seriously.......please do.......

 

[The White Stripe]

^ You've seen TONS of twins where one is gay and the other is completely straight?

Do tell........seriously.......please do.......

My step-sister, who did not live with me for a majority of my childhood because of our age gape, dated a guy for about a year and a half and his twin was gay. I also know a guy who runs a blog on Tumblr who has a straight twin. So maybe not a TON, but I was trying to get the point across that just because one twin is gay, doesn't mean the other twin has to be.

 

[Rolyo85]

^ You've seen TONS of twins where one is gay and the other is completely straight?

Do tell........seriously.......please do.......

Um, it's well documented. Instinct even ran a cover feature about it.

 

[Ryan23]

Thanks for your opinions the reason I say that they will automatically assume my twin is as well is because we are so identical even our personalities. The biggest reason is about 2 moths before he told me he was gay he did lot of sneaking about going out all the time not telling the family where or who with when they asked which made the situation very mysterious I would get all the questions like who's he seeing? why is he hiding it, is it a guy? So they've had their suspicions, at the time I guessed that was the reason he wasn't telling anyone so I just kept saying no its not he hasn't told me anything... He was seeing someone at the time and eventually they ended it so he didn't go out as much but he kept so much a secret that I think he made it quite clear why. So that's why he thinks if I tell my parents they will know about him, I know I mum will bring my twin into it when I tell her it's just who she is, but I don't know what to say cause I can't say no he's not cause that will make things worse when he's ready and I don't think I can say I'm not sure without my mum being suspicious lol any ideas?

 

[Seasoned]

Have you come out to her? If so, how did it go?

If you haven't because of your brother, my suggestion is that you set boundaries on every issue when it comes to your twin. Rather than answer for one another if that has been a pattern just let rople know that as adults you're going to behave differently and they need to treat you independently of one another.

 

[KaraBulut]

You have a relationship with your mother and father. Your twin has his own relationship with your mother and father.

If you're ready to come out to your family, then do it. Tell your brother that you're going to do it but don't let his self-interested protests stop you if you are ready to do it.

The difference between "we" and "me" is a tough one for twins. But when it comes to friends and family, you have to be responsible for your own relationship with them. And your twin has to realize that he's responsible for his own relationship with them, too.

 

[thewiz]

I work with a 23 year old who is a twin. He is gay as gay can be; his twin is as straight as straight can be.

You are and only responsible for you; don't try to take responsibility or blame for anyone else. That's easier for me to say than always do in my life; I tend to be an enabler. However, when I finally said who I was and that I was gay; it was like an 800 pound guerrilla had climbed down off of my shoulders. Even though my mom has been gone for some time, I know she knew. At my wedding (to a woman), she took me aside and said, "I always thought you would call me one day and tell me...." She then stopped herself and said, "That's all behind us now." I've met many gay guys who said their moms already knew; it was dad that usually had a harder time accepting. I hope your journey out continues with peace and love!