Need advice on the whole sex things

[future_boy]

I was a virgin for the whole 26 years of my life. Never dated anyone before. Complete and pure virgin and I was a very conservative Christian until these past 2-3 years (I'm not Christian anymore,maybe now I'm what you called new age or something like that). I'm already open minded and maybe very liberal compared to my friends.

But I still hang up on the concept of sex. Yes I already kissed and did oral with my ex bf (our relationship lasted for 1 month because he changed his mind and wants to be str8 and feel guilty about being gay). Which after that,I thought about that a lot like I was dirty or something like that. I didn't feel what I wanted to feel from that experience. It's like kiss and oral is very overrated. Thx God,I haven't had anal experience.

I think sex is okay. Human needs sex but I can't get around the idea that sex is not dirty for me. I just always associate sex=dirty or sin although I don't believe that anymore. And the idea to have one night stand is impossible for me. I'm afraid to get scar for life if I recklessly throwing myself out there in order to satisfy my lust.

Every gay that I know in here already doing one night stand and I don't feel like doing that. I want to find a boyfriend and give my body to him but right now I'm just not in the mood to search for boyfriend (these past 6 months already traumatic with the disaster with 4 crushes,3 people melodrama and dating for short time).

Any advice how to completely let go of my old belief and not stuck in this conservative idea about sex???

ps: sorry if i'm rambling and my post not makes sense.

 

[Kennylingus]

I don't think you should or have to. I'm Christian and gay and it's not fun at all. But I do believe what I do, while I am who I am and I just try to live on that line.

As far as sleeping around, it's never a good idea to have a bunch of random sex. It's downright dangerous. But I also know the issues with wanting someone right now, right away and the thing with that is as I'm sure you know by now...it always ends in badness.

There's no easy life. You can forsake everything about your old life and you'll just be faced with new and different problems. Life is difficult, for everyone. It's not just some hackney idea, it's a basic truth. You need to take some time and figure out exactly who you are and go from there.

 

[rareboy]

Well the first thing is to slow down and be still.

No drama. No crushes. No disaster.

Just breathe.

Sex isn't dirty. It is just a natural expression of desire;sometimes even love.

It can be recreational, transient or deeply spiritual and profound.

I think that when you are mature enough and you meet the right man, there should be a connection that is so strong that you almost want to consume the other. To give each other such pleasure that nothing even seems impossible to entertain.

Remember that neither your God or Christ had anything to say on the subject of homosex. Only those who have been presumed to chatter on their behalf have had any problems with it. along with a lot of other things we don't even pay attention to.

So. Remember that first and foremost you are just a human animal. With desires and capacity to love. you are just wired differently than the heteros.

And now. Once again. You are going to be an adult male. Not an hysterical or theatrical prima donna.

Just. be. still. and look for love and joy.

 

[gavin89]

I was a virgin for the whole 26 years of my life. Never dated anyone before. Complete and pure virgin and I was a very conservative Christian until these past 2-3 years (I'm not Christian anymore,maybe now I'm what you called new age or something like that). I'm already open minded and maybe very liberal compared to my friends.

But I still hang up on the concept of sex. Yes I already kissed and did oral with my ex bf (our relationship lasted for 1 month because he changed his mind and wants to be str8 and feel guilty about being gay). Which after that,I thought about that a lot like I was dirty or something like that. I didn't feel what I wanted to feel from that experience. It's like kiss and oral is very overrated. Thx God,I haven't had anal experience.

I think sex is okay. Human needs sex but I can't get around the idea that sex is not dirty for me. I just always associate sex=dirty or sin although I don't believe that anymore. And the idea to have one night stand is impossible for me. I'm afraid to get scar for life if I recklessly throwing myself out there in order to satisfy my lust.

Every gay that I know in here already doing one night stand and I don't feel like doing that. I want to find a boyfriend and give my body to him but right now I'm just not in the mood to search for boyfriend (these past 6 months already traumatic with the disaster with 4 crushes,3 people melodrama and dating for short time).

Any advice how to completely let go of my old belief and not stuck in this conservative idea about sex???

ps: sorry if i'm rambling and my post not makes sense.

you don't have to have one night stands... I'm 21 and I'm a virgin too.. never even kissed a guy... and I kinda like it...
this way, I can save myself for someone who really means something to me... I'm never gonna have sex with someone I just met.. not even on the third date.. it's too early...
Don't worry, you're fine... You don't need to have a boyfriend if you don't feel like it.. it's a period.. and it'll pass...
best wishes

 

[rareboy]

^ the other side of this equation is that I had sex with a guy the first date.

We've been together almost 28 years now.

 

[future_boy]

thx for the advice everyone

btw why do you think i still hesitate about sex,when i don't even think that's taboo anymore like i was back then. I'm still confuse about my thought. Is it me just overthinking things or what??

Or do you think maybe because i'm still newbie and in time i'll get used to the idea about sex??

Well,one part of me is disappointed because I lost my first kiss and oral to my ex. Although he's caring and understand but this whole abrupt break up thing made me super confuse about what to think anymore.

 

[rareboy]

Meh.

a break up isn't the end of the world.

So what if you blew the guy? Or he was your first kiss.

I don't understand this over-romanticization of homo sex...even heteros rarely end up marrying or even fucking the first person they kiss.

Remember the old saying.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before one of them turns into a prince.

Stop looking back.

 

[future_boy]

well,maybe I still believe too much in the old fairy tale. Plus,everyone I know in the str8 world rarely had a divorce (although the statistic is increasing in younger generation).

If I were to live in western countries maybe I can overlook that old fairy tale since so many people sexually active and all,but in here it's weird to have short relationship while everyone else around me have long term relationship. Maybe it's my fault to hope for gay relationship to last as long as str8 relationship.