Need help again - is this my own fault or is my best friend is bringing me down?

[Hot Hector]

Hi guys, I could use some advice again, pretty please.

Last time I posted here, it was to ask for help with a certain situation - my best friend was cheating on his BF and I was feeling very bad about it - http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/423224-My-closest-friend-is-too-much-of-a-quot-whore-quot-even-if-he-has-a-BF-Help-me-deal-with-this

Now, they ended their relationship (could see that coming from miles away) and my best friend is as close as he's ever been towards me and he keeps telling me his 'adventures' with random guys. Okay now he is single, he can do whatever he wants... However, I believe his stories are somehow bothering me to a point I am feeling borderline depressed and hopeless towards my own personal life.

Such as... He goes out to do random shopping and calls me telling me just had sex a guy in a bathroom. Then other day/time of the day with a different guy. Then again with a married straight guy. Then a married gay guy whose partner is away traveling. Kind of stories that are making me lose faith on other people or feel a painful empathy towards people I don't even know.

I am, for the most part, a lonely guy who is, atm, deeply involved in my studies. I play a game here and there, work out, but for the most part I study (and work). I don't hook up with many guys, I try to get into a relationship here and there but for the most part I am single.

I have small chances of meeting someone, and those chances feel even more diminished everytime I hear this kind of stories from my friend. I feel less and less hopeful each passing day that I will find someone who won't lie to me, or hurt my feelings pretty damn severely (like the guys he is being with are doing with their partners). I am coming to the conclusion I'll be single forever, even if out of fear of getting hurt.

Now, I am confusing things? Am I being just a jealous man who feels envy towards my friend who gets a lot of sex while I don't? Am I being unfair judging people's behaviors?

Please help me, I am feeling terrible and I have no one besides this friend to talk to.

thankyou

 

[spooky]

Hi Hector,

It sounds like you need a break from this friend.
IMHO, he sounds quite toxic, especially since he can't keep his own relationships in check.

Why are you taking life lessons from him anyway?

Additionally, just because he has sex all the time doesn't mean that he is having good sex... what he considers good sex is probably different from what you would think of as good or meaningful sex.

If he is making you feel like crap for not whoring yourself around then let him know.

Don't let someone bring you down... from the sounds of it you are doing fine. Studying for school I imagine and working.
Those things you are doing are long-term life investments that will always be useful.

I hope you have family and or relatives that you can see to take some time away from this life...

Everyone deserves a break sometimes. Give yourself time to clear your head.

Good luck!

 

[sixthson]

Why would you feel jealous about a guy who is having sex with strangers in a public toilet, so called straight married guys cheating on their wives and a man cheating on his partner? He has nothing to be proud of and you have no reason to feel bad about investing your time in school and work.

Are you in love with your friend?

 

[Craiger]

Hey Hector,

First off, I think you are fortunate to have the strength not to be so sexually involved like your best friend. If he truly is having all that sex, he is opening himself up to problems yet to come. Also, those that he seems to be seeking are themselves waiting for trouble. My suggestion is to tell him that you need space from hearing about his escapades. Keep the level of conversations on other subjects. But, by all means, do not blame yourself or feel jealous of him. Also recognize that not all guy are cheating. Don't let the stories effect your meeting new people. Your best bet is to meet someone and establish a relationship of knowing that person before you give into the lust your friend seems to have. If you begin a friendship with the fear that they will eventually hurt you, you have condemned that friendship from the start. Continue your studies and work outs. You will find the right person when you least expect it. Best of luck to you.

Craiger

 

[seven2go]

Your friend is nothing but a slut.......who won't keep his mouth shut (in more ways than one it appears).......
If he felt ANYTHING for YOU he wouldn't be antagonizing you with the play-by-plays.
Apparently you have some feelings for him?

 

[Hot Hector]

spooky: thankyou. He has such a strong influence over me because we are friends for many many years (since highschool) - and we are both adults now. The fact is I value this friendship a lot but recently our ways have been parting terribly. Such different ways that even talking about our lives nearly daily, it feels so drastically distant. About studies, not for school - I'm currently a lawyer and have been studying to be a judge (this is surely requiring enormous sacrifices). I'm a pretty damn serious person about the things I do, this applies to studies, sports, loyalty to my friends/etc, and my friend's routine has been bothering me simply out of lack of affinity. I am in no position to blame anyone for the things they do, but at the same time I have absolutely no will to condone or take any part this kind of behavior. I guess I'll try and focus on different people for a while. Thanks.

sixthson: thankyou. Nope, I'm not in love with him, we are just friends for a long time. I have no interest in him - and even if I did - knowing what I know of him, it would never work.

Craiger: yeah I guess I need to tell him to stop telling me these stories. Will try to not make them influence my expectations with other guys - but yes it's been difficult. Thanks for the reply.

seven2go: luckily, nope, I have no feelings towards him. We're long time friends. And any considerations I could possibly have of eventually turning our friendship into a relationship, are long gone now after all I know he did/does. I have absolutely no trust in him to be in a kind of relationship I want, although I somehow trust him as a friend..

 

[Seasoned]

I don't get the impression that you have feelings for him. I think there's a bit of jealousy and fear. He seems to exude sex and that's tempting to a lot of people. That doesn't mean it's something to be emulated or that there aren't people who remain faithful to a partner or spouse.

When someone is on the hunt they will find others on the hunt. We give off vibes that get picked up or not depending on the person.

You're friend may be sex addicted, have a high sex drive, or just treat sex differently than you, but that's his business. Sex stories are titillating. Even if you don't want to emulate him, I can understand that you might be jealous.

 

[Hot Hector]

I don't get the impression that you have feelings for him. I think there's a bit of jealousy and fear. He seems to exude sex and that's tempting to a lot of people. That doesn't mean it's something to be emulated or that there aren't people who remain faithful to a partner or spouse.

When someone is on the hunt they will find others on the hunt. We give off vibes that get picked up or not depending on the person.

You're friend may be sex addicted, have a high sex drive, or just treat sex differently than you, but that's his business. Sex stories are titillating. Even if you don't want to emulate him, I can understand that you might be jealous.

I understand. I'm not sure about jealousy (I often confuse/misuse this word for envy, too). What matters is, I don't feel like I need to emulate what he does or want to be in his place. Not really. And I agree about sex stories being nice to hear, but it gets boring after a while. it's different when a friend comes to tell me something new and exciting he never did before, or something he's excited about. This friend is bothering me with the same old stories, nearly daily, of random fucks and hookups that add nothing new or interesting. To the contrary, I learn about people engaged in a serious relationship being cheated and about my friend taking serious risks (exposure to violence, diseases), after all I worry about him. These stories long lost the interesting/news aspect and started reeking of negativity to me. I hope I managed to express myself here, I admit I have some trouble putting feelings off my chest.

I like your advice about 'vibes'. I shouldn't really close myself to others! thankyou!