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JB3

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This situation has been driving me crazy, and its been happening as I've been coming out to my parents so its a whole other layer of stress.

Basically, I've been talking to a guy around my age online for the last few weeks, pretty much everyday, and sometimes for as much as three hours. We originally met on a car forum, and we've talked on there for a few years. We're facebook friends (so I know he's not a creepy weirdo or stalker), and we've also been texting back and forth. He's originally from New Mexico, but recently moved to Virginia to go to law school. I'm from Chicago, so obviously there's a distance issue. His situation is almost exactly like mine; he's gay, he's dealing with a lot of things at the moment, and he wants to make changes in his life. His personality is almost exactly like mine as well; right down to little OCD things like writing lists before moving and worrying about the little things when trying to go to sleep. Long story short; he and I have a LOT in common, and 'click' in a way that neither of us have felt with anybody.

To get to the point, tonight both of us had a rather intense conversation in which we expressed our frustration that we're so far apart, and that there's feelings between us that are more than just friendship. I know it sounds bizarre, and my first inclination was to brush it off as a random crush on someone I've never met. But, it just feels like there's something more there, and both of us feel it. We know that there are problems, but at the same time, like I said, we both feel like its, well, fate. (we started talking out of the blue, not knowing anything about each other based on a 'feeling') What's strange about that, though, is that it isn't just me or him feeling this on our own; both of us feel like whatever's happening was meant to happen, which calls into question for us what we do next

I just really have no idea what to do. Neither of us are sure what to do next, and neither of us are really willing at this point to rule anything out. The whole situation is both frustrating and exciting, but I'm not at all sure what to do. Some of my other friends have told me to just drop it and move on, but there's just something inside of me telling me not to. (believe it or not, it feels to me like its my rational side telling me this, not my irrational)
 
Meet him. Don't have too high expectations. Arrange to meet in a circumstance where you can both walk away without any difficulties - stay in different hotels in a city you both would like to visit. Meet for lunch and a tour round the sights in the afternoon. That will give you a chance to get to know one another better as 3d people. Take it from there. Trust your instincts, take things slowly. Respect one another and be honest with yourself and with him. Best of luck.
 
joeG23 said:
Meet him. Don't have too high expectations. Arrange to meet in a circumstance where you can both walk away without any difficulties - stay in different hotels in a city you both would like to visit. Meet for lunch and a tour round the sights in the afternoon. That will give you a chance to get to know one another better as 3d people. Take it from there. Trust your instincts, take things slowly. Respect one another and be honest with yourself and with him. Best of luck.
Click to expand...

Ditto.

This would give you a chance to see if you're romanticizing this connection, and whether or not there is true chemistry there. It's easy to develop chemistry and feelings for someone across these kinds of communication channels; you're not having to face each other and deal with each other's flaws and shortcomings, even if you've talked about them. Meeting and hanging out with him will tell you if there is truly something there worth pursuing and waiting for.

Good luck.
 
Simple solution:

Set up a nice romantic weekend in a place that you both enjoy- the beach, a major city, a resort- whatever you both would enjoy doing.

Set the expectation that you're meeting as friends with no expectations. If things are meant to work and there is chemistry, then it will happen. If not, you have a friend that you've met in person and can continue doing fun things with in the future.
 
What they all said.

Why?

Because it's so easy to build up a perfect image of somebody that you haven't met in person. It's instructive to seem them "live" so you can see the way they interact with other people. People's views of themselves are always skewed. You need to see them in person to make your own judgments.

Once you've met the guy, then you can decide whether it's worth the sacrifice to go further, because you'll know just how much you want him.
 
It's been my experience that net personas are a lot like bar biographies in that they've got a low percentage of being all that's advertised, deliberately so or not.

That said, what's stopping you from going to meet this guy? Seems like the answer is pretty obvious. Could be the love of your life (maybe), or you could drive each other insane with your mutually compulsive list making. Are you sure two compulsive list makers are actually compatible? (grin) What if he tried to re-prioritize your lists!!!!!!

Then there's that elusive beast chemistry, that's not on the net and you'll never know unless you meet.
 
Thanks for all the advice, its really helpful.

I talked to my sister, and she's offered her house as a home base for me should I want to visit him. She lives an hour away from him, max, so we could go spend a day together, and if it doesn't work out or we wouldn't want to stay with each other, we wouldn't have to. She also said that its better to take the risk and see how it goes than to just write it off. (that is how she started dating the man that would later become her husband)

He and I are still getting to know each other better, so we'll see how it goes. Even if we stay friends, we won't know what might be until we try.
 
Here's an update for you guys:

Since my last post, things moved rather quickly from thinking about to working toward a relationship. All was going well. That is, until we both started classes. To put it quite bluntly, both of us were completely overwhelmed by our classes (he's a law student and I'm a grad student), and neither of us anticipated that adding a relationship on top of it would add as much stress as it did.

So, instead of continuing to push forward, and probably damaging the relationship, we decided to put things on hold for a while. We're still talking as much as possible, but we're focusing back on our school work and getting into some sort of routine before picking things back up. Just to clarify as well; neither of us is putting the option of a relationship off the table. Instead, we're just pushing the pause button.
 
Sounds like a very good thing to do.
 
Lube said:
Sounds like a very good thing to do.
Click to expand...

We both feel a ton better about it, to be sure. We still have very strong feelings, and will get to them eventually, but we don't want to destroy our relationship by adding it into our already insane lives at the moment.
 
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