Need relationship help... Please...

[TheSpanishHeart]

Hi

This is my first post, and I'm sorry to not have a formal introduction, but I need help.

I have an online boyfriend. He lives up north in the U.S. and I live down south. I know his name, and he knows mine (sounds healthy, right? lol) and we've exchanged pics, etc. We've been dating for almost 8 months, and only know each other based on the information we provide each other.

Here's my problem...

A few weeks ago he messaged me and said that he had to be away from the computer for a few days, but not to worry about him, everything was fine. I was ok with this, becuase I had to take a road trip with family for a week anyway. So I came back a week after we spoke, and I noticed that he never messaged me at all during those seven days... He usually leaves something when he comes back. I sent him a message on the forum we met at (not this one by the way) and I can see that he logged on since I sent it, but he never replied... It's been almost two weeks now and nothing. I sent more messages, but he hasn't logged on yet to even see them.

I'm really worried about what's happening --- a few days grew to two weeks, and none of my messages were replied to yet. What should I do? I'm not a needy person, but I'm more clingy. If I knew he was leaving for two weeks I'd be ok with it, becuase I know he's safe and all, but now I'm scared.

What should I do?! I don't think I did anything wrong to make him leave me or anything... I'm a pretty reserved guy and I don't make a whole lot of friends, so this is a huge deal for me. For the past week I haven't been able to sleep, I lost some weight, my stomach is all messed up, I just can't settle down. If anyone has advice, please let me know!

 

[thiskidd24]

This is a problem with long distance or internet relationships. it kind of comes with the territory and should be prepared for, which doesnt seem like you were. the nature of texting and chatting itself is pretty impersonal, but i can see how people can get attached just as easily as with regular relationships. i dont really know what to say other than try your best to get your mind off of things for awhile. maybe go out with friends, shop, play sports, workout, do whatever you do that helps you relieve stress. try your best to get more sleep and make sure you eat more. just because he hasnt emailed you back doesnt mean he is mad or anything, he could be busy, had some kind of emergency, etc. it would help if you guys communicated over the phone. in the future you guys should plan something out if something like there were to happen again, like just a short message, to let the other know everything is fine. hopefully this helps you out a little!

 

[TheSpanishHeart]

Thanks

He has my phone number, but I don't have his --- I think he just got a cell phone recently or something. I'm going to try and get the number. He has my number, and called it twice since we met, but always got the voicemail, becuase I work 12 hour days at work until school starts.

I'm sure he has a good reason for not messaging me, I mean we all have lives, but I'm really worried about him.

Please, don't mistake my desire to know where he is or what he's doing for a control issue. Like I said, if he told me he would be gone for X amount of time, then I wouldn't worry. I'm just worried about him, I love him too much for anything to happen. He says he loves me too, and I believe him, but I worry so much. I've dropped about 5 pounds over the last week, and still have a restless mind.

When we first started "dating" I was prepared for anything and everything. The problem is, this is my first relationship, and he's my first love. I never knew I could love someone so much.

Does anyone else have something to input? I appreciate all feedback, really I do.

 

[thiskidd24]

yeah its very understandable that you are worried since you havent heard from him longer than you expected. hmmm im not trying to tell you what to do, but i would be careful about becoming to attached, saying things like he is your first love is deep. just make sure you do things to keep your mind off of him for awhile. i know its probably hard but its to keep you sane lol. good luck!

 

[G-Lexington]

My gut feeling? Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.

He told you he'd be gone for "a few days". You sent him a message, which he presumably got when he signed in about a week later. But he didn't return it. Yes, I know - people get busy, etc. But how long does it take to type "Hey, really swamped here - I'll contact you next week" and hit SEND? Thirty seconds, if he's a slow typist. And certainly he knows you'd be worried and eager to hear from you again. He wouldn't simply think, "Oh, I'll write back to him some other time", and then put it off for another week.

So what do you do? At least, start considering the possibility. Put the ball back completely in his court. Send him an e-mail saying, "Hey, still haven't heard from you since (date). Hope everything's OK. Things are about to get a bit hectic here, too, but contact me when you get a second." Then stop. Let HIM contact YOU. Either he will or he won't. And either way, you've got a life to live.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Everything this guy is doing is telling you that he needs time and space.

Give him both.

And in the meantime, start looking for a flesh and blood boyfriend. The "south US" is a big place. You shouldn't have a problem finding a RL relationship.

 

[TheSpanishHeart]

Thanks for the advice.

I don't really know what's going on. I'm going to pin him down on it though.

I made another account (totally different name) on the forum we chat on and invited him as a friend and sent a message. If he responds to one and not the other then I'll know I guess.

We did the space thing a few months ago. Everytime we decide on something to give more space, neither of us really pay attention. We would still message each other at certain times, etc. I know he's probably going to be moving to another city soon (about an hour away from where he is now) but I don't think it's happening this soon. He still hasn't logged onto that forum in about 2 days, so there's still hope that he'll reply to my messages...

The possibility of a family emergency is realistic, but those really don't last for two weeks without proper notice I would think. The job situation would seem about right for other people, but I know that's not it.

Finally slept for a bit last night. I just hope I get something from him --- at least a break-up note, if that's what's going on.

 

[ejbonk]

Face It Kiddo, You have been DUMPED.
Time to Move on.
You must continue to move forward towards your true destiny.

Good Luck Kiddo.

 

[TheSpanishHeart]

Guys, thanks for all your input.

He left me a message while I was at work today...

It looks like I haven't been dumped, but I know deep down that I have some relationship tweaking to do. I still don't know exactly what's going on with him --- he said he's ok, but I don't know if something major in his life came up or not. I hope to find out very soon.

I think he needed some space personally --- maybe even that on top of a major event --- who knows. But I think I need to work something new out...

What's a good way to make sure we both have "personal space"? I mean I'd like to at least say good night to him every night, but htere doesn't have to be a full out conversation every night... I mean how can that work you think?

I'm also going to need to get a phone number for him somehow...

The verdict is in guys --- I lost a total of 6 pounds over this whole thing... That brings me to being 18 years old at... 128 lbs. I'm working out a little as well (going for some definition around the abs).

Does anyone know of a way to help me keep this relationship healthy? Thanks!

 

[KaraBulut]

Does anyone know of a way to help me keep this relationship healthy? Thanks!

Let's not start with the assumption that it is healthy today.

You've hit on upon one of the major short-comings of these virtual relationships- the communication and intimacy that is missing.

If you don't have a phone number for this guy and you don't hear from this guy for days, then more than likely there's a whole lot of stuff that you don't know about this "boyfriend".

In the meantime while you're in this virtual relationship, there's a guy in real life who is wondering why he can't meet anyone. You should find that guy- he'll give you his phone number.

 

[Lube]

"boyfriend"?

"dating"?

"relationship"?

Sorry, you have none of those things. An online-only relationship is not a relationship at all. As KaraBulut, said, you need to get out in the real world.

Join groups related to hobbies you like (search meetup.com, for example). Or do volunteer work. Something to get out in the world and meet people. Good luck.

 

[TheSpanishHeart]

Thanks guys