Need some advice- Should I come out to my parents?

[Jacek1]

Should I come out to my parents?
I am 18 years old guy and moving to Berlin soon (live with my parents in Canada right now). I am mostly gay (probably a 4 on the Kinsey scale). I've basically known I was at least bi since grade 6 or so....

I've decided once there I'm just going to be me and not worry about telling people or going out with guys. What I can't decide is whether or not to tell anyone here in Canada- right now my parents/friends don't know (I think...I know my mom would be fine with it, my dad might react a little worse but I don't think he would really go crazy or do anything bad.

Personally I would be fine with them not knowing (I think) but I don't want them to get mad a me later on for not telling them now. I also think that it affecting my relationship with my dad ( I'm kinda short-tempered with him and I think its because I don't know how he'd he react).... Thanks for you help in advance!

 

[looseliam]

There's no need to announce it. Just start living out. Those around you will get the idea eventually.

Welcome to JUB!

 

[Seasoned]

I wouldn't tell them unless you'll be home long enough to discuss it. I don't think it would be wise to tell and run.

 

[Jacek1]

I'm not leaving for another three months

 

[racer2438]

You should only do what makes you comfortable, happy and at peace w/yourself. If you deep down really feel it's the right time, and all your ducks are in a row, and you have a backup plan in case things go wrong then go for it.

otherwise wait it out a bit and have some fun and most likely they will know ...

 

[Ganoderma]

Should I come out to my parents? I am 18 years old guy and moving to Berlin soon (live with my parents in Canada right now). (....). I've decided once there I'm just going to be me and not worry about telling people or going out with guys. What I can't decide is whether or not to tell anyone here in Canada- right now my parents/friends don't know (I think (..). Personally I would be fine with them not knowing (I think) but I don't want them to get mad a me later on for not telling them now.

hi Jacek1,

I tend to advise you to tell your parents, or maybe at least your mom, that you also have interest in guys, and tell this way before you will leave to Berlin. Telling them as soon as possible will give them the opportunity to get used to the idea that you are gay/bi, and will also give them the opportunity to ask you all kind of questions (etc.).

You also told us that you want to live your own life when you are living in Berlin, meaning that it is likely that you will get gay friends, that you start dating with guys (etc.). I tend to think you are also active on social media like Facebook, and that your parents (and other friends) can follow you during your stay in Berlin. Telling your parents in advance (= right now) that you are bi/gay will also mean that you don't need to worry anymore what you put on your Facebook (e.g a photo of you together with other guys at a gay club, or whatever). Your parents know that you also like guys, so no surprize anymore. Also no hiding/lying to your family/friends in Canada who are your new friends in Berlin.

Finally, it seems to me that you are right now ready to tell them this important part of your life. Especially because you don't give solid arguments why your parents would react in a very negative way.

Welcome to JUB, and feel free to react and/or ask additional questions.

Good luck and take care.

 

[Seasoned]

If you have the urge to tell them then it's probably the right time. Good luck to you. Play safe in Berlin.

 

[Jacek1]

Thanks for the great advice! I'm planning to come out to a very close friend very soon, and then probably my mom, and then maybe my dad soon after. I'll keep you posted- thanks again!

- - - Updated - - -

If you have the urge to tell them then it's probably the right time. Good luck to you. Play safe in Berlin.

Thanks, and haha I will

 

[Seasoned]

Congratulations on your decision. Best wishes and keep us posted.

 

[Jacek1]

Told one of my closest friends and she was totally fine with (just upset I didn't tell her earlier...) So thats pretty cool- just a few questions about how I know, how I'm not 100% either way but still know I lean more towards guys, etc. She did recommend that I tell both my parents at the same time. I was thinking of telling my mom first and my dad later on...any thoughts? Thanks!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Jacek1,

Great that you have told the news to one of your closest friends, and that she was -abit- upset that you had not told here earlier. It just means that she is a real friend of you, and that she has the opinion that a real friend of her (a guy) does not need to hide to her that he is gay. Good she has asked you some questions, maybe she already had some clues that you were not 100% straight? How about telling other friends? Have you told her that she is not allowed to tell the news to anyone else (or you don't bother what's happening)?

Tough for me to give you a good advice what best in regard to telling the news to your parents. Depends on the relation you have with them, depends on the moment when you tell it, depends on them and on you. Both options have advantages, and disadvantages. I would follow your own ideas. So good to tell your mom first and tell your dad lateron, when you have the idea that this is the best option. Better do is as soon as possible. I think you are ready to come out.

Good luck, and please keep us informed.

 

[Jacek1]

Hey. Well I came out to my mom and she was surprised but okay with it....shes been asking questions all day too lol. We agreed that neither of us have a clue how my dad will react- should be fun... I'll let you guys know how that goes!

 

[looseliam]

Well done. I hope the rest goes just as smoothly.

 

[Ganoderma]

Good to hear you have told it to your mom and that she reacted on a positive way. Nice that she started to ask many questions to you, for me an indication that she is really interested in you and your well-being as a gay son. Great man. I am sure you and your mom will find a good way to inform your dad as well.

Good luck and have a nice weekend.

 

[Jacek1]

Told my dad- he was a worried, confused, etc and expressed a desire for grandchildren (I explained he still could, etc)...overall I think a pretty good reaction. I also just changed my Facebook 'Interested In' to both men and woman for now at least...I don't think anyone noticed yet cause it doesn't appear in the news feed. Thank you everyone for help!!

 

[LemonMonk]

Well done! I found coming out to my parents the most difficult time to come out. After that point, I've never cared about others opinions on the subject. I hope you feel a weight has been lifted and you're free to live how you want.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Jacek1,

You are welcome, and great you had the guts to tell soon your dad as well that you (also) like guys.

Well done, and I tend to think that he just needs some time to get used to the new situation. Apparently (?), he never had thought that his son would be a gay guy. I tend to think that he will have more questions when he has thought about this new situation. Anyway, you can now live your own life and you also don't need to bother anymore which friends know or don't know that you are gay/bi. Changing your status on Facebook is indeed an easy way to let people around you know that you also have interest in guys.

Good luck and I would like to wish you a nice time in Berlin.