need some advices about my behavior

[sureaaa]

I like rethinking about the way I deal with people after a period. There are some confusing parts that I don't quite understand so I hope you guys can tell me your thoughts about it.

The issue is about the first date. I encountered three guys and they didn't want to see me after the first date. I didn't really understand what were in their mind.

I talked with all of the three guys for quite a while and added them on facebook.

The first guy A: We did feel good about each other via chatting. After the first meeting, I did feel he was not that into me. Then I texted him with a stupid massage " are we done or we can meet again". I thought it was just a joke but then my friend told me it was a terrible message. He replied" we can meet again" which was very short. I asked him out once but he said he was busy at that time and we could arrange some other time. He never contacted me again. Three months later, he contacted me" please forgive me since he was not over his ex and was not sure he was going for a hookup or something" I email him with long email about some comforting words. Then he ignored me once more. I just felt I was so stupid.

The first guy B: He invited me to his apartment and we chatted and watched a movie. We had a great time. He touched and cuddled me. Then he said he was really tired and I decided to leave. I thought it was fine since I never considered it a hookup. He texted me and said he had a great time with me that night. After two day, I tried to contact him again. He replied me with a very short message and then sent me a long message on facebook telling me the reason why he ignored me was that he found someone who swept him off his feet ( I learned a new expression here about how to say falling in love with ). But why did he send me the wrong signals that night?

The third guy C: he was in my another thread. He even tried to ignore me at the first dinner.

I don't know if the three were coincidences or there were some thing with my manners. It happened three times! I was kinda frustrated.

My look and behavior? I have a lot of pics on my facebook and I look exactly same as those. Though I'm not very masculine but not feminine just have a very few childish behaviors.

My English?: Although i have some accent, I speak fluently. I can find the common topics with them although it was not so deep sometimes. They seem to be fine with it.

The chemistry: We just don't have the chemistry.

Did I have miss anything? Maybe in this culture? I even wanted to ask one of the three guys the reason. I don't like the feeling now.

Thanks for reading and appreciate your opinions.

 

[swerve]

Well...

I think that your initial message to Guy A was pretty HORRIBLE and would have certainly turned me off -- but you already know that...

Guy B -- what can you say -- he met someone else...

Guy C sounds like a jerk...

I suspect that Guy D, E or F will be the RIGHT one!!!

Keep trying!!!

 

[altlover85]

I'll give you some feedback.

The first guy seems like a flake. He is probably one of those people that likes attention.

The second guy was probably bad timing or the guy is a liar.

The third guy was obviously not compatible.

As to what you could do better, since I've never met you it's hard for me to say if you are doing anything wrong.

The text message was definitely a bad idea and you want to make sure if you are joking, you put or something to indicate that.

 

[sureaaa]

I suspect that Guy D, E or F will be the RIGHT one!!!

That sounds sweet! thanks, dude...

 

[Seasoned]

You are not doing anything wrong except having too much hope that a first date will go further than they have been going. In times gone by and today as well if you physically meet someone before dating the physical attraction piece was already out of the way and dating sorted out personality, common interests and emotional characteristics. With cyber dating we do the opposite. Consequently, a lot of emotional time might be invested only to discover that we are not physically attracted to one another.

 

[altlover85]

Consequently, a lot of emotional time might be invested only to discover that we are not physically attracted to one another.

This is why I say if you are going to go the online dating route, I would meet the guy within a month of initial contacting one another, ideally sooner.

 

[sureaaa]

This is why I say if you are going to go the online dating route, I would meet the guy within a month of initial contacting one another, ideally sooner.

Why is meeting the person so dramatically different from chatting online? It can be slightly different but now I feel like the feeling of match can turn into a complete ignorance so quickly.

So many photos on facebook or that are exchanged cannot finish the task of telling what the guy look like? I think it can unless all the photos are revised by the photoshop.

 

[BoiOnFire]

There are several very important factors that people don't seem to understand about online and real world communication..When we are looking at a screen, or even some grainy web cam picture we don't get those important body signals that subconsciously tell us so much about another person....There have been studies done that suggest that more and more people lie online simply because they feel on some level it isnt the same as lying to someone face to face......My advice is to meet with those you connect with online fairly soon to determine if they are someone you would be interested in pursuing further....As for your last 3 experiences it isn't you, there are so many assholes out there who have no problems playing with other peoples feelings....hang in there.

 

[altlover85]

Why is meeting the person so dramatically different from chatting online?

It's different because you haven't been around a person to see what they look like and how they react to certain situations in person.

People also are able to edit what they say when you are chatting with them, which can't be done as easily in person.

It can be slightly different but now I feel like the feeling of match can turn into a complete ignorance so quickly.

I don't understand quite what you're saying here.

So many photos on facebook or that are exchanged cannot finish the task of telling what the guy look like? I think it can unless all the photos are revised by the photoshop.

Well people can send you an older picture. Also some people look better in pictures than they do in real life.