Need some advise

[reikoku89]

Ok so...I am not very good at asking for advise on things I would much rather find someone else that has already posted the question that I have and read the answers that they got...but...while I don't think that my expecince is unique I would rather just ask myself lol. Ok moving past that I am having a...sex issue. I have had sex before and I have been told that I am in good sexual health...but for some reason I can't bottom. I can top with out issue, and I can...play with myself anally, but when it comes to someone else fucking me it doesn't work. I know that there is pain involved and so I expect that, but no matter what it doesn't get better...in fact normally the pain simply gets worse and worse. I think that I might know the reason why the very first time that I tried to bottom for someone he was very aggressive and when I told him to go slower...he wouldn't and then when I told him to out and out stop...well long story short I ended up breaking his nose do to his issues with the word no and thinking it meant yes. I am worried that it is making it so I can't bottom...which wouldn't be a issue but I would like to be able to. Anyway not sure if anyone can help...or if I even really made the issue clear but ya...anyway thanks for any help anyone can give.
Thank you for your time,
Reikoku

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to (the posting side of) JUB!

I'm assuming you do all the standard stuff - anal play, lubed fingers opening you up, all that. And then some mental block comes down, and you can't move forward.

One thing I noticed in your post was how generic it was. You say you're having trouble bottoming, but you don't say with whom. I'm assuming, then, that you don't (currently) have a steady boyfriend. I say this because I think it's likely that you might find it easier to bottom for a steady boyfriend than you could for a random hook-up. With a boyfriend, you'd presumably know him better, and presumably trust him more, and he'd be more likely to take the time to help get you through it. A random guy would be more likely to just want to get to the fucking.

Lex

 

[reikoku89]

Yes it was a rather....plan post wasn't it? Sadly that is more to do my always wanting things I write to be proper...or at least as much as I can with my poor spelling and CAPS skills lol. No I don't have a steady boyfriend, another issue in and of its self, but I have tried when I was dating someone after the first time. It still did not work well...so maybe it's still a matter of the right person but idk I am really at a lose...but thank you for taking the time to respond Lex...and for so far being the only one to do so. ^_^

 

[Jerry]

I have to agree that there's a mental issue at work here. Definitely a horrible thing that happened to you, so its normal for your brain to react to another similar situation... basically denying the anal intrusion.

A steady boyfriend who can really make you feel comfortable and progress things slowly may do the trick but if not, you may want to consider talking to someone (professional-type) about what happened to you. That's a very traumatic thing.

But good for you for breaking that cocksucker's nose!!

 

[KaraBulut]

First of all, do you want to bottom? Why is it important to you?

There are guys who just don't enjoy anal sex. Taking a dick up your ass isn't a requirement if you don't enjoy it.

However, if you want to bottom then you're going to need to work through this over time.

Like the others have said, it is better to work through these issues with a regular boyfriend or fuckbuddy. It takes some work- with foreplay, prep, toys, trying different positions until you are able to develop the trust and relaxation that it takes to enjoy it.

Just to be clear about something- anal is not supposed to hurt. It is a different sensation and sometimes when it is rushed, it may cause discomfort at first. But it is not supposed to hurt- otherwise, there wouldn't be so many guys looking to get fucked.

 

[Lube]

What KaraBulut said.

I had the tightest ass on the planet. The tiniest, pinky-sized "trainer" Dildo would not go up my ass. I never had a bad experience; I think I was just afraid.

Guys would get frustrated that they couldn't top me. My ass was made of cast iron--inpenetrable! LOL.

Then, by accident, I found this guy who totally relaxed me. To this day, I still don't know how he did it (I'd like to try his technique on other guys!). He'd be fondling my butt, and a couple minutes later I'd suddenly realize that he had 2 or 3 fingers up my ass. Something that I couldn't even do myself. We dated for several weeks, and it was bliss with him.

The moral of the story? There are guys out there with magic hands (and, presumably, cocks)! You just need to find them. They are really good at relaxing you. You don't even notice what they're doing, they're so gentle.

I don't know how to find them, but they're out there. Good luck.

 

[reikoku89]

Thank you all for your help.

KaraBulut: I do want to try bottoming at least ones with someone that can understand that no means no. Also I have had people that are normally tops bottom for me...I would like to be able to do the same for them so it is not just them giving all the time you know?(I am weird I like things to be balanced...darn OCD >.>)

Lube: I would love to meet someone like that if for one other reason then to have a good time bottoming ^^ the issue is that they can get in it's just that it is so painful for me that I have to have them stop.

Milboy: I don't know that my issue of not being able to bottom is wroth going to the shrink for but maybe lol. And ya it was not a fun time, but he walked away mostly worse off then I did so its all good. Also i bet that a steady boyfriend would help, but that is a issue in and of it's self lol so for right now I lack one so that isn't a theory I can try.