Need some help...

[mydrew1]

Where in the world do you live, may I ask?

 

[mydrew1]

Go for that 36 guy if you get the chance.

 

[spencer]

perhaps you'll be more comfortable with it if you do it something you're comfortable with, someone you're in a relationship with.

 

[rareboy]

I think that Ghost has nailed it.

However, to the one central point in your lament; if you want to improve your self-image then lose some weight by eating less and moving more, like going to the gym or starting to run etc. You'll maybe even meet some other guys. you are the one in control here.

Stop thinking about whether god is looking when you're having sex. While you say that you don't think that a supreme deity is hung up on your orgasm, apparently it is a big deal.

I think you're using everything as a defense strategy to prevent yourself from just feeling happy and good about yourself.

Once again, I'm going to suggest some face time with a live counsellor to help you figure out why the baggage you're lugging around weighs so much.

 

[KaraBulut]

Just to point out something underlying your post: "hookups".

It's unclear how people have gotten the idea that being gay means "hooking up".

It's true that many gay men don't have the opportunity in their teenage years that their straight peers do to meet someone, date and then have sex.

The problem with the "hookup" philosophy - as you're discovering- is that every "no" turns into a personal affront to your self-esteem, every crappy sexual encounter turns into a comment on your body or abilities in bed and every guy who looks at your profile picture and passes makes you feel unworthy.

Maybe instead of looking for guys just to have sex with, maybe the solution for you is to actually find someone you like, someone who lkes you and then just maybe the sex will be a natural outgrowth of dating and getting to know each other? And maybe there will be a little less guilt and anguish over getting your weanie wet.

 

[Lewis1]

*sigh*

I'm sorry but this is going to seem harsh. Shut the fuck up. No not you, here on JUB, those stupid voices in your head telling you that you are unworthy.

Stop with all the bullshit, and overthinking EVERYTHING. Just start experiencing life for once. Stop being afraid to do anything. Stop justifying why you can't do something. Just do it. Seriously.

So the fuck what if he isn't the "one" you are running off to marry, and settle down with. What's your option? Staying at home thinking and jerking off to porn? Get out there and just meet people, enjoy people, and enjoy sex.

you wrong fa dat











































but damn your sexy

 

[Lube]

Maybe you are a hot little cubbie. Lots of bearish guys like that (and some chasers, too).

See my blog entry about meeting guys in real life. Get to know them a little. You don't have to date to have sex, but I totally get wanting to know them a little before you get your weenie wet.

 

[Lube]

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/view.php?blog=153515&id=18276&title=how-do-i-find-a-good-man

 

[TX-Beau]

...What I believe (and accepting, sex is okay God) and what I feel (shame, guilt etc.) aren't the same....

Welcome to being fucked in the head by religion. My name is Beau, and I was fucked in the head by religion.

...Hi Beau...

I know exactly how you feel. For years I could verbalize that being gay is not wrong, and yet I'd have this huge internal emotional response completely opposite and overwhelming. Because I was fucked in the head by religion. I'll tell you this, your self esteem issues are completely tied to this. You're not going to get over them until you no longer have that emotional response. In fact your other issues could be a direct result of this.

It takes time, and definitely work on yourself in other ways in the meantime, but you'll never feel confident and secure about yourself until you're not carrying that baggage around anymore. How do you get over it? Depends, some guys go into organized religions of a different stripe, where they can get clergy reinforcement that being gay isn't wrong, some guys abandon religion altogether, some do the new age thing.

What worked for me, was associating with a lot of different gay men who pretty much made it obvious that gay men are just like everyone else, and didn't have tails and horns except on Halloween.

Hang in there, you'll work through it and come out the other side.

p.s. by associate I mean in person, not cyber-sociate, and not for the purpose of hook-up, though hopefully that'll pop up along the way.

 

[KaraBulut]

Kara and Spencer: My problem I think is thinking with my "other" head. Getting horny and wanting to do something about it, like all the rest of the gay boys. Problem is, I just don't think its me. Now that I have had time to cool down as such, I think that for me sex, while not a bad thing, is a thing to do with someone I care a little more about. It was why I felt so bad after my first time I think. I have signed up for a few online dating site, while not the ideal way to meet people everyone seems to think, is a step none the less. I have been on the before, but never seemed to put the effort. I am going to try now, go on a few dates and see what happens.

Part of the whole coming out process is finding the place where you can be both gay and still keep to your values and the things that you feel are right.

It's not an easy place to find and it takes some separation of the concept of "sex" and "sin" that are ingrained in Christianity. And it's particularly difficult since so many of the vocal evangelical religions have decided that homosexuals are the new enemy and fundraising tool for their churches.

The advice is the same as before. Being gay has nothing to do with "hooking up". If that is not something that in keeping with your values, then don't do it.

But you also shouldn't feel guilty about sex of any kind. Sex is part of a healthy and happy life and no one in their right mind would create a life in which sex was a sin for some people but all right for others.