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Need some support and advice please!

Colby-2023

Colby-2023

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I didn't see anything in this thread topic that had my question, so I decided to make a new thread.

I have this guy at my work that I really like. Problem is he never cared to notice me and because of that, I really haven't been able to get to know him. With what I've seen and heard, he's a really nice guy and he's hot, too, so that's a plus. My question is how do I go about asking him if he's gay if I don't know him enough to know what his reaction will be? Even if he isn't gay, I'd still like to be friends with him and I just don't know how to go about doing this.

Another problem is that he's 22 and I'm 28. I don't know if a 6 year difference will be looked upon as a bad thing. Any help will be greatly appreciated!
 
The first thing to consider is "at work". That can end up badly.

The age difference is not an issue IMO. Six years is not that big of a difference.

My advice is to initiate a casual friendship with no expectations and leave the personal stuff out of the conversation.

If you develop a friendship then tell him you are gay if that is what you want to do again with no expectations.
 
hi Colby-2023, make sure that all at your work, and therefore most likely also this guy, are aware that you are a gay guy. This means that you assume that he knows you are gay when there will be any moment when there is an opportunity you are able to have some small-talk with him. Take it easy and just use circumstances at your job, like coffee breaks or lunch, to see if you are able to develop a casual friendship with him. Be aware that he might be straight and be aware that he might be a gay guy with a friend. Good luck
 
Colby-2023 said:
I didn't see anything in this thread topic that had my question, so I decided to make a new thread.

I have this guy at my work that I really like. Problem is he never cared to notice me and because of that, I really haven't been able to get to know him. With what I've seen and heard, he's a really nice guy and he's hot, too, so that's a plus. My question is how do I go about asking him if he's gay if I don't know him enough to know what his reaction will be? Even if he isn't gay, I'd still like to be friends with him and I just don't know how to go about doing this.

Another problem is that he's 22 and I'm 28. I don't know if a 6 year difference will be looked upon as a bad thing. Any help will be greatly appreciated!
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You can tell him you are gay and see how that goes. What are your intentions? Where is it you want this to go?
 
I've never felt this way about any other guy before. My hope is that if he is gay or bi, we could maybe start going out. I also hope he's the type that wants to get married if if it comes to that in the future.
 
OK some cautions. At 22 it's not very likely that he's thinking about marriage no matter his situation.

Don't make the mistake of assuming that if he turns out to be gay/bi that this means he will be interested in you.

Be honest about your interest. Even gay men get pissy with guys who present themselves as buddies, but all the while were after something else.

The easiest way to find out if he's gay is to ask. When you do, believe what he tells you.

It's not wise to romance colleagues. That can lead to misunderstandings that can lead to criminal charges.

The best way to find out if a guy is gay and interested is to casually out yourself. I guarantee you that if he is at all interested, he will immediately tell you he's gay. If he doesn't, he's some species of unavailable - straight, closeted, not interested etc.
 
TX-Beau said:
OK some cautions. At 22 it's not very likely that he's thinking about marriage no matter his situation.

Don't make the mistake of assuming that if he turns out to be gay/bi that this means he will be interested in you.

Be honest about your interest. Even gay men get pissy with guys who present themselves as buddies, but all the while were after something else.
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^^^^This is very good advice^^^^

If you take anything from this thread this would be the pearl of wisdom that will serve you the best.
 
Ok so you both are young men and you said you've noticed him at work. I'd be careful cause if you are both working together at the same job you wouldn't want anyone know what's going on. Plus you said you were gonna ask him if he was gay most people don't usually tell others unless they are like friends or family but anyways good luck
 
Colby-2023 said:
Problem is he never cared to notice me ...
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This is a phrase which concerns me. If he was gay (or bi) and attracted to you, would he not have noticed you by now? Whenever I've started work in a new office, I've always checked out the guys. There's a lot you don't say though, such as what sort of work environment it is and how long you've both worked there.

You've been given some good advice. Try passing the time of day whilst making coffee or eating lunch. If there are social events outside work, do you go? Is there any reason to interact with him "officially" and, if not, are you able to manufacture one?

Don't get your hopes up though.
 
When we have a social event, I go! I’ve become friends with many of my co-workers and they know I’m gay. The guy I’m talking about just started working here in January and we never crossed paths yet. We sometimes work with each other on projects, this guy hasn’t worked with me yet. Maybe I need to wait until we work on a project together to try to start a friendship. I never told the new guy that I was gay, being that we never crossed paths, but like the ones before him, I got to know them while working with them and then told them I was gay. Unfortunately, no one else was so I’m not keeping my hopes up but I’m just feeling so different about this guy that I just don’t know what to do.
 
The advice you've been given is good.

One common theme in all the responses is caution.

Make sure you are clear in your head about your own intentions. Workplace friendships can be complicated. Workplace romances are even more complicated. Workplace friendships where one party wants it to be a romance can blow up and make everyone uncomfortable or can even get you fired.

If you believe you can be a friend and accept a friendship for what it is, then introduce yourself and see if the two of you have enough in common to be friends. If you don't think you can just be friends, then you're better off just being coworkers and not risk getting hurt.
 
I would proceed with caution if you ask him if he's gay and he's offended then that might become a HR nightmare. You are going to look like the gay guy harassing a "straight" guy. He might be uncomfortable around you if he knows your intentions.

If you know his name look him up on facebook (Don't add him) and see what you can find.
 
Colby-2023 said:
Thanks for checking. I just decided it wasn't worth talking to him when I could lose my job over it.
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Yea you wouldn't want to lose your job over someone you have feelings towards if it doesn't work out or something else
 
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