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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Need some support and advice please!

Update: I started a project with this guy and we got to know each other. I wasn't able to tell him about my crush on him because he informed me he was getting married this summer to a woman. I feel so stupid that I was running after a straight guy this whole time. Anyway, we became friends. Thanks for the support. Hopefully the next guy will be different.
 
Colby-2023 said:
he informed me he was getting married this summer to a woman. I feel so stupid that I was running after a straight guy this whole time.
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No need to beat yourself up for that; it happens. You did the right things: you slowly got to know him and didn't say anything that would make things awkward for you later.

(*8*)
 
At least you know now as much as it crushed your soul. We've all been there and done that. The best advice is to move on and perhaps look outside your workplace. Generally, most companies discourage relationships within the workplace due to the reasons you have found out and others have mentioned. It's not that it doesn't happen, but generally working with a spouse or partner brings angst and stress to the workplace and also can cause real harm to others as we've seen and read about in the recent news.

So in the end, the best advice is to keep work as work, but at the same time make friends with your coworkers. Going out to lunch, or spending time with them after work on a social basis is safe. I say this as a retired/disabled person who worked for nearly 40 years. I had many work-friends both straight and gay and treated them with as much respect as I would want myself, and kept my thoughts outside of the bedroom.
 
jcpp7622 said:
At least you know now as much as it crushed your soul. We've all been there and done that. The best advice is to move on and perhaps look outside your workplace. Generally, most companies discourage relationships within the workplace due to the reasons you have found out and others have mentioned. It's not that it doesn't happen, but generally working with a spouse or partner brings angst and stress to the workplace and also can cause real harm to others as we've seen and read about in the recent news.

So in the end, the best advice is to keep work as work, but at the same time make friends with your coworkers. Going out to lunch, or spending time with them after work on a social basis is safe. I say this as a retired/disabled person who worked for nearly 40 years. I had many work-friends both straight and gay and treated them with as much respect as I would want myself, and kept my thoughts outside of the bedroom.
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Thank you. I've already moved on and I am keeping work as work. I started going to gay bars. Haven't met anyone yet but the hope is that I will.
 
cabinfever said:
The first thing to consider is "at work". That can end up badly.

The age difference is not an issue IMO. Six years is not that big of a difference.

My advice is to initiate a casual friendship with no expectations and leave the personal stuff out of the conversation.

If you develop a friendship then tell him you are gay if that is what you want to do again with no expectations.
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I agree, strike up a convo but don't push. Be honest about you but don't go all gay pride on him. Just let it flow naturally.
 
I met this guy a few months ago. Many issues has aroused and I'm ready to break up with him. He has anger issues and I'm afraid if I break up with him, he'll find a way to kill me. What are your thoughts if any? I feel like I shouldn't continue dating him just because I'm scared of him.
 
Colby-2023 said:
I met this guy a few months ago. Many issues has aroused and I'm ready to break up with him. He has anger issues and I'm afraid if I break up with him, he'll find a way to kill me. What are your thoughts if any? I feel like I shouldn't continue dating him just because I'm scared of him.
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If your in a situation with someone who's got angry issues you can try either talk to him and see what you can help him with about his angry or go to a counselor
 
Colby-2023 said:
I met this guy a few months ago. Many issues has aroused and I'm ready to break up with him. He has anger issues and I'm afraid if I break up with him, he'll find a way to kill me. What are your thoughts if any? I feel like I shouldn't continue dating him just because I'm scared of him.
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Take a moment and read the quote above.

If you're scared he's going to kill you, it doesn't matter whether you stay or go, because the possibility is there that you will be the recipient of his anger either way.

Assuming that you are not living together, then there are ways to break up with someone slowly over time. This might be the better option- to just let the relationship cool off until he moves on to someone else.
 
Thanks, MusicMan321 and KaraBulut. He didn't take my suggestion of getting help very well so we are no longer together. He surprisingly took the break up well. He even apologized for scaring me. I'm glad it went better than I imagined.
 
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