Need to vent!

[rendersurfer]

I feel SO freaking hated, and there are no facts to back that up. I feel so sad and there absolutely no one to talk to.

It just seems like I have no friends at all. I've always said, when I was younger the being an only child meant that I could live without friends. I've found myself to be very wrong now. I constantly feel like crying just thinking about it.

I don't know, is it just me, or no one likes me?! Am I that horrible? Am I ugly?! It seems like I had more friends when i was fat. Now that I've lost the weight I feel so alienated. It's like as if, for every pound i shed, I loose one of the few friends I had. I always thought I had very few friends, cause I was fat. Guess I was proven wrong!

I mean, it's not like my "friends" and I are not in good terms, but I just don't know if I considered their friend. I feel so insecure. Could be me wanting attention, but I don't feel liked.

Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep. I know I sound so dramatic, but I need to vent. There's no one there for me!

Also, with the whole sexuality thing! Driving me crazy. Girls or Guys?! Girls or Guys?! Here I am getting aroused by men, and having feeling for girls. Like what the hell?! This is TOO much for one person to handle. Let alone a 18 year old boy.

I can't take it! Sometimes, I wish I was dead. Than I wouldn't have to deal with such ridiculous emotions and problems!

I sorry for who ever took the time to read my piece of crap. I'm just feeling so depressed, lonely, unwanted, etc.

Somebody kill me!

Aggh!

 

[yourally]

HEY! talk 2 me...i feel u...I'm friendless and confused by this sexuality crap...but enough about me...if I can be so bold 2 do what I can't do in real life,
"Hey, how's it going? You seem like u need someone to talk to? Wanna be buds?"

 

[yourally]

venting is good...
about not knowing if they're your friends...I feel you...you might feel as if you're just a big joke or a pity friend or something...try not to believe that...as hard as it is to believe try to think about it like this:
if they like you, they wouldn't waste time even associating with you...

 

[yourally]

also, u say u have no one to talk 2, maybe u could try opening up to one of them...i know I could never as I don't like to burden others with my problems, but maybe you could say something along the lines such as,

"Hey guys, I'm kind of feeling insecure about our friendship and just want to say I hope you'll stay my friend because I'm going through a bit of a rough time and need someone to talk to."

 

[yourally]

Hmmm..maybe you shouldn't say that...well, if u feel u can't talk 2 them about being insecure or anything else 4 that matter, it's okay right now, that's what everyone at this forum is for, vent all you want and take from us encouragement and strength so that maybe in the real world, u'll find u feel a little better about yourself...

 

[yourally]

And about your appearance...hmmm...try 2 tell yourself this every morning when u wake up and look in the mirror,

"I may not like what I see, but I'm my own worst critic. Others will see my beauty on the outside through the beauty from within."

As corny as that sounds, I've found people like those who are beautiful beyond their outside looks...

and about losing the friends...as harsh as it may seem...think "Good RIDDANCE~"

If they are leaving because you're shedding the pounds, then they msut've felt they were doing some charity work by being your friend and you don't need to be a pity source that makes others feel better about themselves...

GOOD FOR YOU! The fact that you're tyring to better yourself physically should attract your friends to stay, but if you feel you're getting to thin, this might be a problem...

don't go to any extremes and just think that you are doing this for yourself and NO ONE ELSE...

as much as you want attention, approval and love, you have 2 try to give it 2 yourself, tell yourself that you are loved, wanted and important....

THEN you can focus on recieiving it from others...

if you don't give yourself "me-time", you'll just feel like a pathetic loser who everyone has 2 comfort....

 

[yourally]

So overall, try 2 talk the friends who have drifted away...try not 2 be angry at them, but don't grovel at their feet either, if they they truly left because you lost weight, they are mental and it's for the best that they're no longer around you, but most likely it's something else...

you may not want 2 hear it but maybe you're not opening up as much as they feel you should...

either way, talk 2 them and the friends u have now about feeling secure as a long-lasting friend...

physical appearance, just feel good that you're tyring 2 be a better, healthier you...and disgard any negative self-esteem thoguhts, they'll only hurt you...

don't become arrogant, but try 2 carry yourself with a confident poise...u know that u are beautiful inside and out whether or not the world thinks so...the world's standards are impossible and don't care about you or how you feel, so stop feeling hideous and try 2 LIVE LIFE!

as for sexuality, I sometimes wish I was 100% straight...

I like talking 2 girls, being friends with them and looking at them, but guys turn me on,

now this may be because of previous life experiences or some instilled thing from birth,

but either waym we've both got 2 deal with it...

I would advise u 2 try and accept yourself.., about 99% of the time, I feel as if I'm less than other guys because I'm attracted to them and that I've never had a girlfriend, kiss, etc,

but the best we can do is realize we're both important, beautiful human beings and simply put...

EVERYBODY can't be straight, that's liek expecting everyone 2 have singing talent, or athletic ability...

just not gonna happen.

try 2 love yourself 4 who u r, the hardet thing in life is not living 4 others but 4 yourself,

and as for feeling friendless, I can tell you I'm willing 2 be your friend and I'll do my best as I'm struggling with the same things you are, you're not alone and I hope and pray we can help you as much as possible...

I DEF don't have the answers but maybe we can search together...and PLEASE put all suicidal thoughts out your mind...you may feel worthless, but that's a LIE, and ending your life will solve nothing...

LIFE is extremely difficult and all I can do is extend an imaginary arm and out it around your shoulder and tell you as hard as it is to believe, "It WILL get better."

Sorry for all this, but you seem 2 be hurting and i wanted 2 try 2 help...update PLEASE!

 

[tmb1]

Get a cat. No, seriously, a pet can help through the lonely times and then maybe work up to making friends. My cat has NEVER let me down like humans have( I say this cuz most of my friends either moved this last year or got boyfriends so never want to do anything anymore).

 

[Danno55]

If more people were as honest as you, and opened themselves up to criticism and rejection by admitting they are lonely or frightened or angry, a lot more of us would know we are not alone!
Everyone feels those things, but some more than others and some get overwhelmed by them. Use this forum to meet people and talk. No one cares what you look like, most are lying in their avatars anyway 8^)
Some like me are too computer illiterate to know how to put up an avataror I'd be lying with mine too! 8^)
Not sure how to connect outside this forum to give you an email to say, hey, drop me a line, I have no answers and I won;t try and lecture you, I'll just listen and together we might make all this less painful. You are not alone dude, Never think for a minute that you are!

 

[8tomtoms8]

I think you may need to take up a hobby, join a bowling league, learn to play a musical instrument, etc. It's funny how busy people rarely feel lonely. Also, people are often attracted to folks who have something or several things going. A pet is also a great idea. Keep us posted. We won't ignore you.