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Nervous about bf

A

Araigu

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Well, I've come a long way these last months, I got rid of an unhealthy situation with a guy, have come to terms with my sexuality, and now I'm almost at the point of having an official boyfriend. I mean, I'm not denying that we're already into a relationship, but that's one of the issues, I think it's around time we become boyfriends, but I just don't know what to say.

I guess the easiest way would be to subtly suggest it next time we have some time to talk, and see where it goes from there.

Now addressing the post's title, I'm feeling kinda nervous for two reasons:

The first one, I think he's falling in love, and you could totally tell, and it's cool, but I feel guilty for not completely requiting his feelings. I care a lot about him, and I like him a lot, but I'm not in love, but I guess it takes some time.

And the other thing, I feel nervous (and completely stressed out) since we'll have some intimacy on Friday, he'll come to my place (home alone) and we'll take it from there. Problem is, he's my first guy, in almost every aspect, but it's not the same for him, so I feel threatened by my lack of experience.
I also think that he's into active anal sex, and I'm just not fond of that, or at least not right now. It stresses me out, since I believe he'll try to pursue some of it while we're intimating, but I'm not willing to do so, so, how do I tell him without hurting his feelings, and more importantly how to get rid of this anxiety?

I would just love to hear (or read) your advice. I think I already know what to do, but I feel that I just need some support.

Thanks a lot.
 
Well if you don't feel like you're in love but you're pursuing sex, I'm not sure where you're going.

And don't be afraid of anal. Some tops have magical hands, mouths, and cocks, and can open th tightest hole. Warn him in advance that you're nervous and inexperienced, but just see where it goes. Don't fear it, it's great!
 
I'm assuming you have feelings, but he's farther along than you. I think that's okay for now. If it's two years down the line and you still don't love him, I'd move on.

As far as the anal sex thing goes, I'd tell him you're not into anal on a first date and go from there. You should do this before your clothes are off so there aren't any hurt feelings on his end.

Good luck!
 
Communication comes before intimacy. If you can't talk about sex, you probably shouldn't have it.
 
sixthson said:
Communication comes before intimacy. If you can't talk about sex, you probably shouldn't have it.
Click to expand...

I agree with you in theory, but there are plenty of people with poor communication skills that have sex and even relationships and are able to make it work. We all have sexual needs and these aren't always inline with where we are in our communication and emotional skills are.
 
Thanks for the replies!

I definitely agree on the communicating part. I think that's the whole problem. We need to talk more, and I'll put it clearly: if we want this to work we need to start communicating more, or else we're bound to wild guessing, and that won't lead us to anything good.

I think that's the reason why I don't feel the same as he does, I need a deeper emotional connection with a person before I fall in love, so we've tried to spend some more time together. When we actually do, I feel quite good. But, since we're majoring on the same field, we completely understand when one of us doesn't have enough time, but I think we need to work that around, it won't work if we see each other only a few days for a few minutes. Or at least not for me, and it wouldn't be fair to be pretending it's OK.
 
ask him if he has been in love before. if he says no, then ask him how he know what love is.
 
Aragui said:
I think that's the reason why I don't feel the same as he does, I need a deeper emotional connection with a person before I fall in love, so we've tried to spend some more time together. When we actually do, I feel quite good. But, since we're majoring on the same field, we completely understand when one of us doesn't have enough time, but I think we need to work that around, it won't work if we see each other only a few days for a few minutes. Or at least not for me, and it wouldn't be fair to be pretending it's OK.
Click to expand...

You're not picking out a wedding dress. You're just spending the night together. Don't over-analyze and over-think the situation and make it even more complicated.

It's very simple: treat him with the same respect that you want to be treated with.

If emotion and commitment are important to you, then talk about this with him before you take off your clothes since there's something about being naked that makes people forget about emotion and commitment.

And since you're inexperienced, then be honest about that, too.

Araigu said:
I also think that he's into active anal sex, and I'm just not fond of that, or at least not right now.
Click to expand...

There's a lot on the menu of sex. That doesn't mean you have to try everything on the menu and you definitely don't have to try it all on your first night at the restaurant.

Just take it all one step at a time. Have a talk with him. If you want him to come to your place, then tell him that you are new to this and tell him that you don't want to have sex with him unless there's a commitment to a relationship with him. If he's willing to make that commitment, then ask him to stay the night.

Ultimately, you're in control and you decide what or what doesn't happen. It may be that the two of you just make out. Or maybe you take a shower together and just sleep. Or maybe you have all sorts of hotsex.

Just be realistic about it. And play safe.
 
First off, if he brings up the L-word, tell him how honored you are. Then tell him "I'm not sure I'm there yet. I think I'm on the same road, but it might take me a bit longer to catch up." Nobody should have any issue with that.

Re: sex. Just keep him informed. You've never had anal, and you're not sure you're ready to try it yet. Keep having other kinds of sex, and see if you start warming to the idea. :)

Lex
 
All of these posts are pretty much saying the same thing, talk.

Dont be afraid to speak your mind. If he doesn't respect the pace you want to take things, he isn't worth your time. Billions of other horny, patient guys out there.

%90 of homo "Relationships" fail because they're horny and give it up in 5 seconds. Don't be like my sister.
 
Thanks everybody!

I thought I'd keep you updated, now we're in a committed relationship, things went by pretty smoothly, and I feel very well about this.

Regarding the sex part, we just sticked to what felt right, I mean we tried several things on each other, but stopped if the other wasn't enjoying it that much. We ended up sucking and jacking off each other, and then we had a shower together.
There was some rimming involved, and this and that, but the moment I told him to stop, he did. He was totally caring and we'd try something else.

So I guess things are going the right way, and in fact he brought the L word to the table, I told him I loved him back, he thought I was simply saying words, but my feelings for him are way stronger now. I guess I just was nervous.
I'm certain everything will start flowing better now :D

Thank you guys!
 
Glad it worked out. And thanks for the update. (*8*)
 
Araigu said:
Thanks everybody!

I thought I'd keep you updated, now we're in a committed relationship, things went by pretty smoothly, and I feel very well about this.

Regarding the sex part, we just sticked to what felt right, I mean we tried several things on each other, but stopped if the other wasn't enjoying it that much. We ended up sucking and jacking off each other, and then we had a shower together.
There was some rimming involved, and this and that, but the moment I told him to stop, he did. He was totally caring and we'd try something else.

So I guess things are going the right way, and in fact he brought the L word to the table, I told him I loved him back, he thought I was simply saying words, but my feelings for him are way stronger now. I guess I just was nervous.
I'm certain everything will start flowing better now :Deer

Thank you guys!
Click to expand...

it sounds as if the TWO of you had a good talk with each other== and you both listened to each other. i hope things go well for both of you.:wave:

eM;)
 
Congrats, just remember, communication is key to every relationship and in every aspect. When in doubt, talk it out! Good luck!
 
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