Never asked for advice before!

[nafhoosier]

This is a first for me.

There's this guy I've known very loosely around campus who is cousins with a few friends of mine (let's just call this kid Max). I don't think we've ever spoken before but due to the degree that I've talked with his cousins and some of his friends with him present, he'd probably recognize my face. I never knew he was gay or thought about it.

Well, one of his cousins recently found out I liked men and told me about Max recently coming out of the closet. His cousin and I were somewhat drunk when he told me this, but I did take his word for it. His cousin told me that he might have a boyfriend, but he is not sure. Some of his close friends and cousins didn't take his coming out too well, but still accepted it. Another one of his friends later that night confirmed to me that he recently came out and that the story was true.

A week later, I asked another one of his friends if it was true. His friend responded that he wasn't sure and that nothing was "official" yet, which really confused me as to Max's true sexuality. However, the friend did make imply that he was at least bi. The friend did not seem that comfortable talking about it. The next day after that, i saw Max at the bar again and he briefly looked at me with a couple of his cousins (one of whom was the one who originally told me he was gay) and then looked away.

I saw him again just today at the gym and he looked at me a few times like he knew what was going on about what his cousin told me and that I asked a friend of his about him.

Now I'm a bit conflicted :
a) I'm interested in talking to him, but knowing his cousins and friends aren't comfortable 100% with it, don't know if I should approach him about it
b) I don't know if I should approach him anyway because he might have a boyfriend, but again, I am not sure

What do I do if I see this kid out again? Ignore him and forget it, ask another person about him, or actually approach him and properly introduce myself knowing he might know what was going on?

I'm really interested in at least getting to know this kid and seeing what happens, but am kind of nervous about his friends and cousins being somewhat uncomfortable with us being gay.

 

[danniflava]

Okay, a few things:

Firstly, you shouldn't even care if he has a boyfriend at this point. You haven't officially 'met' him yet, so you need to become his friend before you even think about asking him out (right?).

I think you should wait a little big longer and just get a vibe for him. He's clearly not comfortable with his sexuality yet, so just point-blank asking him 'Are you really gay?' is definitely not the best option.

The best thing that I can think of is to wait a little longer, and talk to him at a bar/club/gym casually. Introduce yourself, get to know him casually... just because you're gay doesn't mean he's supposed to like you.

Oh, and just because his 'friends' aren't comfortable with his sexuality doesn't mean you have to refuse talking to him... WTF is that?

 

[StlKj]

Okay, you made a mistake by asking yet a third person about him after already having confirmation from the first two. The third one was probably one who was uncomfortable with his gayness, so you might have rubbed some salt on that wound before it had healed. Fuck him if he's not cool with it, but by asking, you crossed a line, and it might have made Max a little wary of you.

Still, there's only one person you should be talking to at this point, and that is Max. Stop trying to find out about him through others, and just approach him. Strike up a conversation. Get to know him. Second-guessing yourself only prolongs the agony, and it gets you nowhere. Man up and pursue. If he has a boyfriend, then at least you tried. If he doesn't and isn't interested, then at least you tried.

You don't have him now, so if you don't get him, you didn't lose anything.

 

[KaraBulut]

When all of this is new, you believe that being gay means that you have a lot in common with other gay people.

That's a bad assumption.

The only way to find out what you have in common with someone is to introduce yourself, mention what you have in common (ie that you're friends with his cousin) and then talk to him.

That's what you should do here.

Instead of trying to figure out why he's looking at you, what he's thinking, whether he's gay, etc etc, why don't you walk over to him, put out your hand and introduce yourself?

After that, what will be, will be.

At the very least, you make a friend.

 

[G-Lexington]

Yeah, the other folks have nailed it. For some reason, we always like to get information about people from everybody BUT those people. If you're interested in getting to know him - as a friend or something more - go introduce yourself. As KB says, say "I'm a friend of your cousin". See how you interact. Don't expect much more than basic introductions the first time around, but it'll get easier and more comfortable after that.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Life is too short not to make new friends and acquaintances.

You want to meet him.

Then do it.

 

[Lube]

Yeah, what everyone else said, and especially this:

The best thing that I can think of is to wait a little longer, and talk to him at a bar/club/gym casually. Introduce yourself, get to know him casually... just because you're gay doesn't mean he's supposed to like you.

Oh, and just because his 'friends' aren't comfortable with his sexuality doesn't mean you have to refuse talking to him... WTF is that?

 

[nafhoosier]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

The more I think about the less I give a shit.

I think I'm going to wait it out and introduce myself the next time I see him. If he's a prick, then so be and it's no big deal.

 

[KaraBulut]

I think I'm going to wait it out and introduce myself the next time I see him. If he's a prick, then so be and it's no big deal.

^^^And that's a good approach to have in any social situation.