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Never been in a relationship?

Laufey said:
Now I fear it won't happen before turning 30 :(

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Plus I hear when you aren't looking that's when someone comes out of nowhere. So that's kinda my tactic now :)
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While heterosexuals typically have their first relationship in their teens, for us gays it's different. When it comes to never having been in a relationship by a certain age, there are lots variables involved. The main one being that the gay dating pool is very small.

I had a friend who once told me "Don't go looking for love, let it come to you". Personally, I think it's silly to think that way. If I just go about my business, doing the stuff I usually do in a given week, love is going to come into my life? Doubtful.
 
Rolyo85 said:
Virginity is a burden to be shed as early as possible, under controlled comfortable circumstances. It holds no value whatsoever, other than for creeps and pedophiles, and there is nothing precious about it. Virgins are not hotter, more innocent or anything of the sort. They're just inexperienced and often annoying.

I am saying it in the coldest, most cynical possible way not because I'm a douchebag, but because the gay community is plagued by this over-romanticized idea of the perfect first time that I feel not even 14-year old girls hold anymore, and it leads to SO MANY problems in dating and relationships. Sex is a skill, and as such - it needs to be practiced for one to be good at it. 9 out of 10 times your first time will suck, simply because you won't know what you're doing. And that's ok.

As for finding oneself, I also urge people to first figure out a bit about who they are, especially when it's about closeted gay boys. We hide our personality from the world for so long, that we have no idea who we actually are until we start coming out. And even after that it's months - and some times longer - until we settle into our new "self". Jumping into dating right away in that period doesn't end well.
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I'm going to second this, virginity has only the value you put on it, and treating it as some kind of "treasure" comes out of old fashioned hetero culture that's about women and sluts, and slutty women with babies of questionable provenance.

Fuck that. Sex is a natural and healthy drive you should be happy exploring. Love makes it better (sometimes - sometimes you crush on a guy you have absolutely NO sexual compatibility with, awkward) but don't discount the virtues of a hot, nubile sweaty go go boy, in the back seat of a car some night. Don't get precious ideas about sex - at it's best it's messy and sweaty, and that's why it's hot. IF your first time is actually all moonbeams and gauzy curtains and guys who don't perspire - you didn't get it right.


About "finding yourself," what does that mean? In High School I ran around posturing with a bunch of adolescent tools, because I desperately did not want to be a gay guy. That wasn't me - my actual personality is this kinda geeky fag, who likes to read and can take or leave football.

Rolyo is correct, when we have closet issues - not that you seem to have this problem - we aren't "ourselves," on a basic level, and we generally change quite a bit after we come out. Now if you are already there, "finding oneself," becomes something else entirely that I'm not sure anyone should waste time pursuing.

You don't get youth back. DO NOT waste valuable youth on angst and indecision. Put yourself out there and have a life.
 
And I also don't buy the "don't go looking for love and it will come" crap. True, being a needy fuck who can't think of anything other than to get a boyfriend will push EVERYONE away, but on the other hand there is a certain "being on the market" attitude that should be cultivated. If you've been single all your life, clearly the way you live your life leads to you being single.
 
Yup, I call that putting yourself in a target rich environment. College is a target rich environment.

How you present yourself is just as important as making good decisions about other guys. If you never take a shower and reek to the heavens, don't come complaining to me that you can't get a date.

Keep trying to be the best you, you can be, and leave the house and go find the gays, that's pretty much how love finds you, by being out, being available, and being willing to take a chance.

Remember, you WANT the guys - just a hookup or not - to WANT to be around you.
 
Im fine with beng a virgin don't get me wrong. I've read stories of gay men being single and then it starts to settle in and they never find anyone
 
In the end its just different for everyone you never know when it's going to happen I just don't need to think about it much. I already know what I want to be later on in life I want to be a chef and own my own little specialty food store.
 
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