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NeverEnding Story/Nightmare...

F

florentinov

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Fist I want to say HI to all JUB members,been reading this forum (and it's been helpful a lot) for long time.
Long story short: I meet the man of my dreams.(I'm into older guys.He's 65,I'm 32)
I have been dating for 4-5 years but never came across something similar.
He's text book example of my perfect man and seems like he get me.
He seems to get my talks. The sex also was amazing.(first guy I gave BJ :-) )
Fells like flying at first,fire in the chest......I guess I've fell in love.(and a fell hard)
I met him 6 month ago.The first month was nice (couple of fights,nothing special)
Than It all went wrong.I caught him cheating with an another guy. I was in tears for days (first gay I ever cry for). I dump him but he apologize,said was moment of weakness (bla,blabla...) and week after we're back together and things going great until i caught him writing to some guy on facebook about sex.Huge fight,dump him (this time forever I said to myself). Block his number but he bought 2 more and was keep calling me (and contact me every way possible) begging to come back together. Two weeks we're back together and he swears nothing happened those two weeks. (I'm a fool right???)
Another heavenly week and I find out on those two weeks he was with two other guys.
He denies everything and the fighting seems never to end.ON and OFF like that I'm going though hell. If this is how you fell when you're in love than I don't want it ever again.
Like I'm addicted to him. He's my week spot and he knows that very well. The worst part is that I do think he actually loves me.
I caught him writing to another guy yesterday about seen him on our weekend getaway. Tears again....
All of this hurts so badly and seems like it never going to end.
Please someone,some advice how to get out. I have no one to talk about this (I'm not out). My friends and family notice that I'm oddly quiet, can't focus on my work,fell depressed and one or two time suicide cross my mind.
 
The pain you feel every time he wrongs you will always be much worse than if you were to just leave him. If he loved you he wouldn't continuously cheat. He can see what it does to you and to me it seems like more of a power play on his part. I hate to say it, but he won't stop cheating if he's done this so many times. You need to move on because it isn't healthy for you to continue on this emotional rollercoaster of a relationship. He clearly doesn't respect you enough to be faithful and tell you the truth.

As upsetting as it is, try to remember that there are billions of people in this world and there will always be someone else out there for you. It might not feel like it, but you will find them. Or they'll find you.
 
I don't see any saving grace for this relationship. Given there is a strong consistent pattern for cheating, he has shown you who he really is.

You should find someone else. period.

The best way to leave is to block his calls and emails, and let your friends know you are avoiding this person as well.
 
OK here's the thing. If you've been cheated on multiple times, and you don't know "how" to leave, that begs the question of what you are getting from this that keeps you in it.

Unless he has you chained in a dungeon, you know damn well how to leave - you know where the door is. You certainly aren't responsible for his cheating, but you are responsible for where you put your feet. So why haven't you used them?

What's keeping you there?
 
Time to take control of your life.
 
Your fears are keeping you "chained". What are your fears for leaving him for good?
 
Your boyfriend is an addict. He might have good intentions but he cannot stop himself. And you cannot fix him.

florentinov said:
Like I'm addicted to him. He's my week spot and he knows that very well. The worst part is that I do think he actually loves me.
Click to expand...
And it appears that you have your own addiction issues.

It seems you have a choice to make: you can break your addiction cycle or you can continue this unhealthy, codependent relationship.

Understand this: if you can't break your own addiction to this guy, then you're headed to the same addiction cycles of lies and apologies that you see in your boyfriend.
 
KaraBulut said:
Your boyfriend is an addict. He might have good intentions but he cannot stop himself. And you cannot fix him.


And it appears that you have your own addiction issues.

It seems you have a choice to make: you can break your addiction cycle or you can continue this unhealthy, codependent relationship.

Understand this: if you can't break your own addiction to this guy, then you're headed to the same addiction cycles of lies and apologies that you see in your boyfriend.
Click to expand...

I'm most s certainly addicted and It's killing me,I don't know what to do,how to break the chains? How do you get over someone that means the world to you?
 
You're not an addict, you're a doormat.

Is it going to hurt to leave him? Yup, but you are already hurting. At least if you leave the pain will leave in time, too, hopefully. If you don't, it will never stop hurting.
 
Do you think you can ask a 65 man to change his behavior ?
No way. Just look at Trump, can Trump change his behavior ?
 
florentinov said:
I'm most s certainly addicted and It's killing me,I don't know what to do,how to break the chains? How do you get over someone that means the world to you?
Click to expand...

Well, if you live in a place that has therapists that can help you break cycles of copendency, you work with a therapist.

If that option isn't available, then you make changes that get the person out of your life- change your phone number, delete them from your contact list, block their number and if needed, move to a different location where they cannot find you to talk you into changing your mind.
 
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