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new- 20 years old

rareboy

rareboy

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I guess if you feel that you have to put your life on hold for the next 2 years....okay.

But what happens when you graduate and then get a job someplace and decide that you still can't share this part of yourself with anyone?

Before you leave, I think it would do you a world of good to be honest with some of your friends about your journey of self-realization and discovery.
 
If you're going to live your life and find happiness, you're going to have to find a way to do it honestly.

You've overcome a big obstacle- by admitting to yourself that you are attracted to guys.

The last obstacle is finding a way to be a private person who- at the same time- can be honest with the important people in his life.

But first there's that obstacle that's between being honest with yourself and being honest with other people: doing something about your attraction to guys. Something besides looking at hot naked men on a the World's Largest Gay Portal, that is.

You live near some pretty gay-friendly cities. Why not meet some people and go out on a few dates with guys and see what happens?
 
Welcome to JUB! :wave:

>>>It sucks, but I know that I'm not going to tell anyone about this until after college. I'm really straight acting, and noone would ever guess that I like guys in a million years. I almost wish people could tell, so it wouldn't be such a shock to people. I'm mostly concerned about what my good guy friends would think for some reason. I just feel like they would be completely blindsided and I have no idea how they would react.

I understand where you're coming from here, but I gotta ask - WHY?

I'm pretty "straight-acting". When I came out to my college friends, there was some modest surprise from most of them. (The only real hint they had was that I didn't date girls at all.) But see, I told them anyway. Why? Because they're my friends, damnit. Once somebody is my friend, I don't feel the need to try to play like I'm exactly as I think they hope I am. I assume they like me at that point, with all my faults and quirks and whatnot. No, I don't harp on things I don't think they're interested in, but I do keep them informed.

The way I see it, if you have a friend that can't handle the fact that you're gay, then that guy isn't a friend. He's a guy you hang out with, maybe, but he ain't your friend. It's the 21st century and you're in college, for crying out loud. They're aware that gays exist. Most probably know one already. Will they be surprised that you're gay? Perhaps. Will they care? Probably not.

Don't waste your last two years at Disneyland outside the gate because you don't want people to know you're at Disneyland. Get your fucking ass in there and have a good time. :)

Lex
 
I'm in college too, came out last October when I was 21; and it went fine. I don't see how you're being fair to yourself by holding off 2 years, if you think you're ready then enjoy yourself now. Where do you go to school? I'm just curious as to why you think you have to go to California to enjoy men lol. I go to school in between the weeds of Illinois and there is no shortage, if my hilbilly friends accept me and are more than comfortable with it, it gives me alot of hope with humanity.
 
you apparently go to a large university. they must have some LGTB club or organization on campus. I think your missing out on a huge opportunity to find some new friends and get comfortable with your sexuality. Not telling you that you need to scream "I'm gay" in the student commons. Everyone comes out when they are ready. I hid for a long time and in the end I came out anyways. I missed out on a lot by being scared. I don't want you to have the same regrets that many of us have.

Steven.
 
i really cant give any advice but it sounds like you want to "come out", but your not sure if your 100% into guys. im pretty sure you are at least 75% into guys, maybe half n half, but probably much more into guys than you realize. i guess i can ask, what do you fantasize about more? men or women? im mostly curious and love learning about men who have discovered a whole new world they didnt know before. what does your guy friends have to do with it? any chance one of them may be into men as well? its not hard to pick up on that stuff, you just gotta know what to look for. an easy thing i do is if a fine man walks into a room and another guy looks at him, thats clue #1. do you find yourself looking a lot? dont feel obligated to announce whatever you discover about yourself, because has any of your friends came out as "Straight" to you? i dont think so.
keep us updated i would love to hear more
 
Feel Free to message me if you want. However, I was in your position also, because I was afraid some of my more "country" friends (I live back in Chicago area), would be all freaked out or think less of me, but it turns out it wasn't the case, and I came to the realization if someone was so petty, then they weren't true friends.
 
Yeah, I mean I'm definitely ready to enjoy myself now lol.. I just don't think I'm ready to tell anyone yet unfortunately. I go to school at a big 10 university, so it's like a school of 46,000 people.
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Well now I think you really do need to evaluate your fear of being a homo. When I thought you might be going to a small community college, that was one thing. But one of the big 10?

And you actually are so paranoid that you can't tell avatars which one?

I can guarantee you that no city or state or country will ever be big enough for you to come out if you are this fearful.

What a shame. As has been pointed out, you are losing the opportunity to meet other guys right there.

I sort of did what you're doing in the first three years of university. But I had a whole other life in Toronto on weekends. But when I came back to finish the last two years of my degree, I had a fulltime bf and he was as much a part of our circle as anyone. there were very few people who had any difficulty with it and even they were cool.

I'd like to think that thanks to my example, a number of other gay students suddenly realized they could be homos, relax and get good grades without having this monkey on their back all the time.
 
Don't sit around waiting to become more comfortable with it. Get proactive about it. Post here more. Start looking in the mirror and saying "I'm gay" each morning until it sounds less like a confession and more like a fact. Start looking at guys and allowing yourself to "think gay thoughts". Keep that up, and you'll be ready to crawl out of that closet in no time.

Lex
 
You shouldn't be too afraid of what your college friends will think of you. You will likely lose them anyway if you're just going to move away. At least if you're able to tell some of them, you might foster a deeper and more honest friendship that lasts through that.

I live in redneck Alberta and came out during high school. I was out all through university and still am now at work. Honestly, I had a blast when I was in university. Your straight friends will love that you can get help play wingman because girls are generally more comfortable talking to gay or bi guys than straight guys they don't know because there's not as much threat of you wanting in their pants.
 
x43000 said:
lol believe me I do think gay thoughts when I look at some guys. There are some really hot guys in college lol. Thanks for the advice though. It's definitely going to take some time getting comfortable that's for sure. Even just getting this off my chest with strangers on the internet is helping.
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Admitting it to yourself was a HUGE step. That's the biggest step in coming out is being able to admit you're gay or bisexual, and then not hating yourself for it. You've already done the hardest part!
 
x43000 said:
It's definitely going to take some time getting comfortable that's for sure. Even just getting this off my chest with strangers on the internet is helping.
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Yeah, don't rush yourself too much, I think you need to be completely emotionally ready before you 'come out'. You'll probably find that some of your friends are gay, in my experience somehow gay people seem to find each other and become friends completely unconsciously.
 
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