New and wondering

[syndrom3]

Hi guys..

I'm a 34 y/o male and am sort of confused. All my life I've dated women but there was something missing. Towards my 20's/30's I started to treat women more like objects than actual people. All the while I lusted for guys and I couldn't figure out why.

I've messed around with a guy and a couple Tgirls (yes, I know.. don't start lol) and it was so much better than a woman.

I fantasize about being with men both sexually and in a normal relationship but for some reason I can't get myself to "take the plunge" so to speak.

I'm not sure if I'm scared to be gay/bi/whatever and having to perhaps deal with the ongoing social stigma associated with it.(I live in Houston, it's still a very bigoted place)

Life is short and I know that I don't want to waste anymore time but I have no clue how to go by making the switch. It's to the point now that I rarely have sex with women and when I do I'm fantasizing about men.

Any advice?

 

[Corny]

hey there and welcome to JUB. I moved your thread from the introductions forum here where you are more likely to get more advice

 

[syndrom3]

hey there and welcome to JUB. I moved your thread from the introductions forum here where you are more likely to get more advice

Danke! I figured I might have posted in the wrong area..

 

[joshk]

It takes time. To be honest the best guide is probably what makes your cock harden more, a picture of a woman or of a guy? And there's so many different shades for each—there are guys who don't turn me on at all and others who make me hard in an instant.
But don't be afraid, you are the same guy you were this morning, and you're just finding yourself in a deeper way.
In all likelihood you really prefer men - we've all be conditioned for so long to go for women, that it takes genuine bias the other way for gay preferences to come through. And men are wonderful too. To be honest, I wouldn't be straight if I could.

 

[HunterM]

Welcome to JUB!

You hit the nail on the head.

I'm not sure if I'm scared to be gay/bi/whatever and having to perhaps deal with the ongoing social stigma associated with it.(I live in Houston, it's still a very bigoted place)

Most of us are afraid to face the social stigma. If you were living in an environment where being gay/bi is no big deal...like going to eat at McDonalds, we wouldn't be afraid.

It sounded like you're accepting yourself for your attraction to men. That's the biggest hurdle. I didn't do that until I was 30. Now you need to meet gay/bi people and realize that they're just normal people like you and me. We have jobs. We have friends. We like music. We like sports. We take vacations. We donate our time and money to charitable causes in our communities.

This site has helped me a lot to process my own fears. Be active and contribute your comments to other (serious and not so serious) forums of this site as well. The idea is to be comfortable around people like you whether in cyberspace or in person. Once you have built up confidence in yourself to be who you are, you could careless what people think of you.

Start joining gay dating sites or hookup sites. Find your own happiness.

 

[cliffdweller]

Find a gay guy and ask him out. Houston is the 4th largest city in the U.S. - you're not in Hooterville. ;o)

 

[KaraBulut]

At 34, it's time to start living your life for you and not for the bigots who may or may not give a rat's ass who you sleep with.

Life is just too short.

 

[syndrom3]

It takes time. To be honest the best guide is probably what makes your cock harden more, a picture of a woman or of a guy? And there's so many different shades for each—there are guys who don't turn me on at all and others who make me hard in an instant.
But don't be afraid, you are the same guy you were this morning, and you're just finding yourself in a deeper way.
In all likelihood you really prefer men - we've all be conditioned for so long to go for women, that it takes genuine bias the other way for gay preferences to come through. And men are wonderful too. To be honest, I wouldn't be straight if I could.

There are some women that tend to stoke my libido, but for some reason I keep looking towards men in a sexual manner. When I watch straight porn, I'm always fixated on the man, when I see guys out with their girls I look at the girl first but then focus on the man.

Definitely not all guys turn me on but more guys tend to do so than girls.

 

[syndrom3]

At 34, it's time to start living your life for you and not for the bigots who may or may not give a rat's ass who you sleep with.

Life is just too short.

Well said... I think it's just something I need to pursue and f*ck what anyone else thinks. I guess I'm a bit shy still with guys and have this really skewed perception that if I don't have a 6-pack/etc that some hot guy won't find me attractive. Definitely need to work on my self-confidence.

I still would probably keep things low-key since I work in the gov sector which is very high-profile and the people around me are very religious and conservative. Guess I can always hide in the closet lol

 

[KaraBulut]

I still would probably keep things low-key since I work in the gov sector which is very high-profile and the people around me are very religious and conservative. Guess I can always hide in the closet lol

There are plenty of gay and bisexual guys who work in government jobs- you'd be surprised how many policemen, firemen and public service workers are.

It's not hiding in the closet anymore. It's just a matter of maintaining a distance between your work life and private life. Just because you decide you like men doesn't mean you have to start wearing a "Kiss Me, I Like Guys" button to work.

And if it gives you an incentive to start working out and taking better care of your body- well, consider it a benefit.

 

[cliffdweller]

There are some women that tend to stoke my libido, but for some reason I keep looking towards men in a sexual manner. When I watch straight porn, I'm always fixated on the man, when I see guys out with their girls I look at the girl first but then focus on the man.

I'm not one to make judgments like this based on a couple of message board posts, but it sounds like you're almost certainly gay and have just been repressing it.

Definitely not all guys turn me on but more guys tend to do so than girls.

A gay guy isn't turned on by *all* guys anymore than a str8 guy is turned on by *all* women. Frankly, I wouldn't be too concerned with coming out until you've come to your own conclusion regarding your sexuality and have completely accepted it.

 

[Seasoned]

The key is to accept who you are and the rest will follow. Don't make excuses regarding geography. Go online and search, "gay Houston."

 

[bankside]

As far as the "who am i and what's my label" question, I don't think you have to write off all your experience with women based on what you know about yourself so far. So go for "bi-curious. And try it. It's never too late, but if you have a voice inside you saying check this out then make it possible for yourself to date a guy.

I don't get the deal with religious people in government. Mind you I'm in Canada where that is truly a private matter.