Ok so I feel a little dumb for bring up this post again almost 3 months later, but I figured I'd just use this old one then have to make a new one completely.
So these past three months have been a roller coaster ride since coming to the conclusion about my sexuality. Over time I've been able to find my way to the closet door and have given serious thoughts to opening the door. I've cracked it open many a time to have a look around and so far what I've found has been pretty nice.
My experiences with gay men thus far have been great. I went on a date with one back at the end of September and things went great. Given, he lived out of town and it was extremely impossible to follow-up, but things then went good. I posted a thread about all that if any of yall care to look into my thoughts on that (
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=231710) That date went just as well as I hoped it could have, and believe me, it made me realize that I could possibly be even more that "just bi." I know I still like girls, I'm still attracted to them; however, I felt like after that time I could honestly see myself being in a relationship with a guy more and more.
So after that time goes by, I start to talk to my fellow Jubbers on the chat and I get mixed opinions of what this all means. As I got to know alot of the Jubbers on there, I felt I could honestly chat with them more and more about pretty much anything going on in my life (besides some deep personal things and other information such as).
Anyways, I got to know some of them well and I got to know one on there extremely well. We clicked so well and things just seemed to fall right into place. I even agreed to meet him and we had set-up a weekend to plan. I won't say names because I do not know if he would be comfortable with that, much less, I want things to stick just between the two of us.
Now things start to get a little chaotic. The time in my life during October began what is now bringing me to what I am today. Outside of Jub, I ran into a girl I went to high school with. I started to feel attraction and she soon felt the same. We hit it off well and soon began talkin alot and hanging out. Given she was off at another school across the state, it was hard to really feel her as much, plus given my true desires now, it was hard to keep at it. Around this time I began talkin to a gay guy I met. We hit it off very well and soon began talking alot. We decided to go out to eat and hang out and I was beginning to feel attraction to him the moment I left that night. I soon began to feel crazy about him, he was completely in his own element, and was completely what I was looking for. Someone that can be patient with me as I begin exploring this lifestyle even deeper and someone I can feel I can begin to trust. His personality and life clicked with mine, and thigns began to feel right. So then I was stuck at a crossroads. I had three paths to choose: the friend from JUB, the girl, or this guy I had come across. Well right off I wrote off the girl...things would be too difficult with her and plus I can't go against the thoughts in my mind and my new desires I felt.
Then I felt I had to make a choice between two great guys...I could have just as easily lied to either one, but my personality and beliefs got in the way and I had to make a decision. Well, I won't go into detail things that happened and what was said, but I made the decision to go with the local guy. It may seem shallow, it may seem mean, but I had to go with my heart was tellin me. I had to go with what I felt best. Having made that choice, my friendship with this Jubber has now seemed strained. He says he understands, says he wants to be friends (which is what I'd like alot) but I still feel awkward talkin with him now. I guess that's what I have to live with now.
So since mid-October, I've been hanging out with this guy alot. He lives out of town so its been hard to see each other often but what time we have has been amazing. I can't even begin to explain how much I like this guy. I feel like things could honestly be going well and I've already let my guard up with him. The time we've spent together has been easy-going and at times, romantic and leavin me in a high kind of state. Ok, now don't go that way. I hold very strict traditional values when I date. I don't ever have sex outside of relationships, I don't ever even have sex in a realtionship until I feel 100% committed to that person and feel like there is a chance of something. So who knows, maybe he is that person, maybe he will be the one that I can feel comfortable being around, and maybe he will be the one that I can stand behind me if I decide to open that closet door. Its all a matter of "ifs", and I'm just trying my best to focus on just today.
So thats my story thus far. I've felt the need to update and I've been debating how I should do this. This is what I came up with. Feel free to share advice, to support me, to comment away, or to just say utter bullshit. I don't care, I just want to put myself out there...Like I've always said: I'm just me
. 
