New to JUB, Need Advice

[Ak Mandingo]

So Here's a quick rundown . Im 19', Blk and bi
So 9 months ago I met this guy( he's 18) on CL . It's started NSA just sex, but After a couple months of hanging out and late nite sessions, we both obviously had feeling for eachother. But there was a gray area, when it came to us. He said loved what we have now, An was afraid that the title would ruin our friendship. An I had never actully let anyone in and had feeling or been In a relationship, so this is all new to me. now we been together 8 months everything but the title , an last month , I sense a different vibe from him, an bring up the issue of us an after some talking/arguing , it's the fact that I'm green when it comes to relationships an communcaitmg emotionally that , irritates and stresses him.an that's why he feels he wouldn't be happy being with me. But can still love me as a friend an dosen't want anything to change.

So here I am,on my first time around and fell in love with someone that dosen't love me , all my cards on the table and they say it's my fault shit didn't work, cause i can't commicate.

Now we still talk/text an chill as friends , but it's very difficult for me , to act as if im not hurt.

-----any thoughts on this----- Thank you for staying with me it feels good to vent

 

[greyhorse]

Ak, I feel for and identify with your situation - very difficult to just be friends under the circumstances where you have strong feelings and the other doesnt. Remain friends if you can and want to but your emotional satisfaction will have to be directed to someone else - sorry to say. You may just naturally drift apart as your needs differ and you need to seek you own place in space. All I can say is good luck and wish you the best with your future. Hugs, G

 

[Just_Believe18]

A FWB situation is only temporary. It can last only weeks, perhaps months, and rarely years. One or the other partner ends up dating or diverting their attention to other guys. After all, both of you are still technically single. Unless you're in a relationship, there is no commitment here. If the primary focus is to get sex on a continuous basis, well mission accomplished. You got 8 months out of it. That's a pretty decent amount of time. Now you have to accept that your situation with your friend is beginning to phase out.

It may be changeable but everything depends on communication. You must always let your partner know what is on your mind and the status of your sexual health. Both of you are young, by the way. What do you expect out of a relationship if he were to consent to it? Is this 18 year-old boy the "One" you want to spend the rest of your life with at age 19? There's a lot to weigh in here more than you think.

Keep us posted. By the way, welcome to JUB! We're glad to have you here and thank you for trusting us with your situation.

 

[BiMike]

Just remain friends with benefits! For a true relationship you have both got to be of the same mind. dont blame yourself that it is your lack of communication, its just a matter he does not feel the way you feel about it. Have some fun together then you will probably drift apart. Best of luck next time round
BTW welcome to JUB you will learn a lot here!

 

[rareboy]

You need to start looking for your real partner.

As long as you are his steady, but obviously not his only, you are going to be the loser here.

Start planning things without him and become independent again.

 

[hylas]

i do lots of nsa stuff, so i have been in both situations... yours and his. he is not into you (for whatever reasons), and that is unlikely to change. its never pleasant, but it happens. my advice is to be good to yourself. if you like to keep going the way it is, do so. but if hanging out with him and/or fucking him is too painful or unsatifying for you, be strong and stop it. dont be his toy.

 

[Ak Mandingo]

Thank you for reading and posting, because it's hard not having anyone to vent to on this matter . So thxs and I'll fill you guys in with the details of the situation.

 

[Ak Mandingo]

A FWB situation is only temporary. It can last only weeks, perhaps months, and rarely years. One or the other partner ends up dating or diverting their attention to other guys. After all, both of you are still technically single. Unless you're in a relationship, there is no commitment here. If the primary focus is to get sex on a continuous basis, well mission accomplished. You got 8 months out of it. That's a pretty decent amount of time. Now you have to accept that your situation with your friend is beginning to phase out.

It may be changeable but everything depends on communication. You must always let your partner know what is on your mind and the status of your sexual health. Both of you are young, by the way. What do you expect out of a relationship if he were to consent to it? Is this 18 year-old boy the "One" you want to spend the rest of your life with at age 19? There's a lot to weigh in here more than you think.

Keep us posted. By the way, welcome to JUB! We're glad to have you here and thank you for trusting us with your situation.

You asked if I felt he was the "one" , yes , at one point in time. I felf or atleast saw a glimpse of happiness, an it's the hope that we'll fix things and work it out that's keeps me around ,'an sex is no longer apart of our friendship , it's been 2 months since we last fucked. Like we have a tru friendship, he'd do anything for me and I the same., but I just dont know will it last. I'm trying to move on not get hung up on him " but its hard when you've put yur feeling out there and now have to reel em back in and lock em away.

My things is I was never good at saying what's on my mind, i know whT I want to say bout, don't know how to get it out. So there's alot weighing on me that still I haven't said to him, an don't in fear thT these last 9months with go out the window, cause our convo's sometimes tend to get heated.

--- sorry about my writing , im beginning to put more effort in it.
Im trying to fill you in, so any advice , or questions about this.
Once again thank you JUB for listening

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to JUB. I'm sorry that you're hurting. I find nothing wrong with your communication skills. If someone acts like this fb and then says he doesn't want to put a name to it this issue is his, not yours. He doesn't want to make a commitment and he found something about you to blame it on. Don't take it personally and don't take on that explanation. He's not ready to settle down and was wasn't brave enough to just spit it out.

You did nothing wrong and I'm happy for you at your capacity for live and emotional stability. You may get hurt along the way, but you have qualities which will rock someone's world. Heartache is awful. That's why so many songs, movies and books have it as their theme.

Keep moving. Keep seeking. Keep your qualities and your optimism. Keep checking in here at JUB.

 

[Ak Mandingo]

Update. It's over all ties ended though a text message.
---- That's all for right now

 

[MoltenRock III]

Update. It's over all ties ended though a text message.
---- That's all for right now

While painful, it is for the best. Once you've fallen in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way, you must put physical distance between yourselves to get over him. Was he your first regular sexual partner?

 

[Ak Mandingo]

Yea he was my first regular sexual partner, that I actually opened up too.
So difficult but Im moving on , coming to terms with situation even though I don't agree. But thats life right?

 

[Ak Mandingo]

While painful, it is for the best. Once you've fallen in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way, you must put physical distance between yourselves to get over him. Was he your first regular sexual partner?

Yea he was my first regular sexual partner, that I actually opened up too.
So difficult but Im moving on , coming to terms with situation even though I don't agree. But thats life right?

 

[Just_Believe18]

^ It was a good 8 months. You'll always have those memories and the experience to build onto something greater.