New to the dating scene

[boyboycurious]

Hey all, I'm new to the whole gay dating scene so am hoping if you all can with some advice. I used to be bi and have mainly sticked with dating women, I have recently started to open to the idea of dating guys.

So I went for a dinner date with this guy that I've known online for a while, we don't normally chat much because he's usually busy with work and don't get online much but we decided to meet up in person for dinner last night.

Personally I thought the dinner went great, we had a lot to talk about, we found that we have quite a few things in common, we have a few friends in common, lots of laugh and basically had a good time overall. After the dinner, we both left our separate ways and before we separate he said something like "yea let's catch up again sometime for lunch or coffee since we work so close, and i'll shout you the next time" (I volunteered to pay for dinner).

That night later, I sent an sms saying something like "It was nice meeting you. I had a good time and hope you did too. Hope to see you again soon. Enjoy your day tomorrow." and I complimented that he looked cute even in his 'messy' look (he said I was gonna be disappointed because he looked messy for not shaving).

I have yet to receive a reply from that text until now.


Questions:

1. Personally, if it were me and I got that text after a date (even if i don't have plans to see the guy again for future dates) the polite thing to do is to thank for the night and maybe arrange something again sometime.

The fact that he is not replying to that text, does that mean he's not interested in any other future dates? Or is that normal not to reply after all those that connection we had and what he said when we parted?

Or am I overthinking this? Or should i try to call and set another date?

2. This is more of a general dating with guys. Maybe this is more of a question for bi guys? Is there a huge difference that I should know of when going on a date with guys as opposed to girls?To me dating a girl means being a real gentleman and really listening to her and potentially even pay for her and send her home. For the gay guys, do you guys like like to be treated like the "girl" or do you prefer the "male bonding" sort of date?


Sorry if some of those questions seem dumb or obvious. Pretty new to dating guys so maybe i'm doing something wrong on the date.

Thanks in advance

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, how long has it been since you texted him? A day? Two? A week, a month?

 

[StakeMe]

From my experience I would say he isn't interested. I've been on both sides of this situation and if he was actually into you he would have answered your text.
The ball is in his court now, if he replies...great. If not then no big deal, hopefully the next one is worth it.

 

[rareboy]

Throw away the stupid text machine and give him a call.

Obviously he's not that smitten, isn't polite and really not worth you agonizing over.

Forget him and move on.

 

[TX-Beau]

Frankly his parting remark kinda sounds like a brush off. He basically said, don't call me, I'll call you.

 

[treanir]

The fact that he is not replying to that text, does that mean he's not interested in any other future dates?

In my experience, that's probably the case. I have found that practically no one says "thanks, but I don't think this is going anywhere" (or something to that effect) - most of them will say the polite thing, and then ignore you completely afterwards. Of course this is my experience only - your mileage may vary.

 

[hotatlboi]

In my experience, that's probably the case. I have found that practically no one says "thanks, but I don't think this is going anywhere" (or something to that effect) - most of them will say the polite thing, and then ignore you completely afterwards. Of course this is my experience only - your mileage may vary.

I agree, this is typically what happens.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm ASSUMING he knew this was a "date". Your set-up didn't make that totally clear. If the thought it was just a "dinner with an online friend", obviously, he isn't going to worry much about "are you and me gonna happen?"

But let's assume he did. It sounds like he enjoyed himself enough. But your description of the date sounded very platonic, and it wasn't until your text that it got at all "flirty". I'm not sure if that's how it came off in real life or not.

What do you do? Nothing. He said he'd call. You've texted him. Ball's in his court now. Don't sit there waiting for the phone to ring - go find yourself some other prospects.

And what should you know about dating guys? There's a lot fewer sexual "dances" to do. With women, it seems you often have to play coy, not come on too strong, wait until the third or eighth date, and play it really smooth. With gay guys, you can probably just say "You wanna fuck?" You don't even have to wait until the end of the first date - some guys would just as soon skip the dinner, order a pizza, and get to bed. Doesn't mean you have to, of course, but the option is there.

Lex

 

[jaysizzles]

If it were me, I'd call him next week....don't text! (I agree with rareboy on this one.) Maybe he didn't feel a reply was necessary...after all, you just saw each other and said goodnight. The cute mushy texting or calling right after a date sends a message that you are really smitten and can't wait to see each other again. Some guys like to play it cool...and getting together again too quickly or even talking too soon after a date scares them into thinking you want a relationship... or are needy and a stalker. A bit of time between communications sends the signal that it's just casual dating (at least for the time being anyway.)

Call him early next week and real casually let him know you'd like to take him up on his offer to get together for coffee, lunch, happy hour, etc...(since you both work near each other and like he suggested at the end of the date.) If he doesn't accept the invite and says he'll have to get back to you or fails to suggest an alternate day/time...forget it, that's a brush off and he's not into you....and you'll have your answer.

 

[boyboycurious]

If it were me, I'd call him next week....don't text! (I agree with rareboy on this one.) Maybe he didn't feel a reply was necessary...after all, you just saw each other and said goodnight. The cute mushy texting or calling right after a date sends a message that you are really smitten and can't wait to see each other again. Some guys like to play it cool...and getting together again too quickly or even talking too soon after a date scares them into thinking you want a relationship... or are needy and a stalker. A bit of time between communications sends the signal that it's just casual dating (at least for the time being anyway.)

Call him early next week and real casually let him know you'd like to take him up on his offer to get together for coffee, lunch, happy hour, etc...(since you both work near each other and like he suggested at the end of the date.) If he doesn't accept the invite and says he'll have to get back to you or fails to suggest an alternate day/time...forget it, that's a brush off and he's not into you....and you'll have your answer.

Yeah, maybe I'm still used to the notion of dating girls because that's normally what I do at the end of a date, send them a text just saying thanks for the night with an open invitation of future dates/coffee/whatever if i am interested.

Quick update: He replied the next night after midnight, but I was already asleep and didn't see the message till next morning. He said something similar to "Thanks, i had a good time too. Was nice finally meeting you too. Did you do much tonight?"

I called him after work the next day hoping to set up the next dinner/coffee over the weekend and he picked up, turns out he was at the gym working out. Not wanting to bother him, I said something like "No worries, I'll call and speak to you again yea?" he said "Sure". I called that night and he didn't pick up and didn't receive anymore response until now (2 days now)

You guys are right, he prob is not as keen in pursuing this friendship/relationship as much as I would. I was just a bit confused because I might have interpret the wrong signal. By the way he add me to his Facebook very soon after we left after the dinner, which i thought it was a good sign when it prob didnt meant much to him.

The last thing I'll do is maybe send him a text next week asking how his weekend was and see how it goes. I definitely don't want to be the desperate clingy guy (sure he is cute, but there's a lot more out there) and will move on if it doesn't get any better.

@Lexington: Thanks for the advice on dating men haha. Yea I realize that is an option and it's something that I have been doing up till now. I realized it's soo much harder to find friends/dates/relationships in the gay community than looking for a fbuddy or hook up. Fun is good...but ultimately I want something more, thus the start of dating men now.

Thanks to all the other guys for all the advice. If there ever is any further update to this I will post here.