New to the Gay Scene, Help? Please :)

[Mango1]

Hiya

Ok So I've recently come out openly to all of my friends and family and everyone, went well and quite happy that I've been accepted. But anyway I have basically lived my life so far straight as its the only thing I was brought out to believe I had to be. So now Im in a position where i have many girl friends asking me out for nights out at gay bars/clubs for fun and have a few gay guys (now aware im gay) chatting to me and suggesting we meet up. And I dont think I'm ready, as Im completely unaware about the sort of gay scene.

So basically Im going to try and ask some questions as simply as possible, and Id love it if anyone could answer one or a few of them Thanksss


1) What is a gay bar/club actually like? Is it just a place for people to meet up for one night stands?

2) Is it all about looks at bars, the less attractive people or the quiet people are left alone?

3) Is gay sex painful? Does it get enjoyable? Never done anything like that and got to admit really nervous?

4) What are the main forms of foreplay that will make it easier for me?

5) How can I prepare for gay sex?


Thanks in advance guys. I look forward to your responces

 

[Scottyboi]

Hiya
1) What is a gay bar/club actually like? Is it just a place for people to meet up for one night stands?

2) Is it all about looks at bars, the less attractive people or the quiet people are left alone?

3) Is gay sex painful? Does it get enjoyable? Never done anything like that and got to admit really nervous?

4) What are the main forms of foreplay that will make it easier for me?

5) How can I prepare for gay sex?

1) Very over priced drinks; I like to stick to gin and tonics ($6). Its generally top 40 remixes from my experience and a lot of the guys just do the standing in one place bounce up in down type dance to the music if they dancing by themselves. They are what you make of them. Most guys I've met there were just looking for a hook up or to go out sometime on a "date" followed by sex just to make them feel less slutty about sleeping w/ a stranger.
On the other hand you never know, I had a one night stand last Saturday with a guy and after the sex we spent like 2 hours just talking while I played with his dog. We felt a real connection and now we have plans to see each other again. Vs. the guy I went on a date with Friday booty called me Sunday, amazing sex but its clear neither of us will see each other again. Just wasn't a connection.

2) I would say that yes the less attractive receive less attention. I'm 23, very masculine appearing and pretty good looking and I get hit on a lot. I'm polite about it but I tend not to go with the people I'm not attracted to. So yeah, a lot of it is looks. But if your worried about your cloths don't be. I've gone in my Lucky's jeans and been well received. Quiet people arn't left alone anymore then loud people. Just the loud people are more wiling to talk to others and so tend to meet more people. I'm loud and kinda slutty if you can't tell

gotta run, more later!
I'll edit it in

 

[smakelijkus]

Please use protection. Very important. No one is invincible.

 

[youngnihilist]

Hiya

Ok So I've recently come out openly to all of my friends and family and everyone, went well and quite happy that I've been accepted. But anyway I have basically lived my life so far straight as its the only thing I was brought out to believe I had to be. So now Im in a position where i have many girl friends asking me out for nights out at gay bars/clubs for fun and have a few gay guys (now aware im gay) chatting to me and suggesting we meet up. And I dont think I'm ready, as Im completely unaware about the sort of gay scene.

So basically Im going to try and ask some questions as simply as possible, and Id love it if anyone could answer one or a few of them Thanksss


1) What is a gay bar/club actually like? Is it just a place for people to meet up for one night stands?

2) Is it all about looks at bars, the less attractive people or the quiet people are left alone?

3) Is gay sex painful? Does it get enjoyable? Never done anything like that and got to admit really nervous?

4) What are the main forms of foreplay that will make it easier for me?

5) How can I prepare for gay sex?


Thanks in advance guys. I look forward to your responces

1. Absolutely not. The people who go there for sex are definitely in the minority. For the most part, gay bars are places to socialize with your friends, and possibly meet new ones.

2. It's not all about looks. only somewhat. Confidence goes a long way. My cute pretty/twinky white friends do get a lot of attention at the clubs, however I find the quality of the attention they get is not ideal (i.e. mostly older, less attractive types who are brave). I've generally found that more attractive people don't approach people very much.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Hi Mango1! Congrats on your recent coming out! I'll address your questions based on what I know, based on the bars that are near me and by what I've experienced:

1) What is a gay bar/club actually like? Is it just a place for people to meet up for one night stands?
-Gay bars/clubs are fun! Near me, I've got a selection of bars that are just for hanging out having drinks, some that have dance floors, one bar is more sports-bar like, and then your run-of-the-mill dive bar. The common theme at all of them is Lady Gaga music, its the frequency that changes They all play very upbeat, Top 40 music and remixes, and some have guys that are there for one night stands, but not all of them. You get what you give, so if you give off the impression that you want that, you'll probably only bring in people that want that. Not that its a good or bad thing, depends on what you want that day.

2) Is it all about looks at bars, the less attractive people or the quiet people are left alone?
- Again, you get what you give. I'll talk to almost anybody, to be completely truthful. Sometimes, the quiet ones are the most fun once you get them out of their shell. Polite conversation goes a long way. Some guys are full of themselves, some aren't.

3) Is gay sex painful? Does it get enjoyable? Never done anything like that and got to admit really nervous?
- The problem I found with anal sex is that it is so completely different than the straight sex you learn about in grade school... obviously, because you learn about penis and vagina, so you need to be totally ready for it and comfortable. It will hurt the first time you bottom. The more relaxed, comfortable, trusting, and lubed and protected you are, the better the experience it will be. It's a normal discomfort, but as you become more comfortable with it the pain will turn to pleasure because you'll be able to relax your muscles to be more "inviting." But don't be pressured into it.... some hot foreplay, stroking, and oral (dependent on how far you want it to go) can be satisfying as well.

4) What are the main forms of foreplay that will make it easier for me?
- As far as anal sex goes, assuming you're speaking from the receiving end..... plenty of comfortable touching, fingering, and rimming (although I personally don't like rimming). For me, the hotter the foreplay... which is everything from the sexting, to the face-to-face flirting over dinner, to the hand holding to the eye contact, to the inuendos, to the kissing, to the oral is foreplay for me. That always makes me a lot more into the penetration part of sex.

5) How can I prepare for gay sex?
- Be prepared, be safe. There is no excuse for unprotected sex. Want it. Don't be forced into it. Read the message boards here. Everybody has great perspectives and real life stories that will be very helpful.

 

[Eagle653]

I have to pretty much agree with dhchitown above. My experience with gay bars, many of them in many cities of the world, is that they vary greatly in terms of friendliness and how easy they are to negotiate. I have my favorites in my own town--ones that cater to my brand of music and where my friends hang out. Those are the two things that matter to me.

As for the rest, dhchitown pretty much nailed it. What I would recommend for you is to buddy up to one of your gay friends--one that you're really FRIENDS with, not a potential lover and sex partner and talk to him. Make him your gay-mentor. Ask him about the bar scene in your area, what the culture is, whether it's "easy" or a "tough" crowd to deal with. Talk to him about sex--what he does, how he does it, what you should know, what you should do. All of those things.

When I first came out, I had such a mentor and he was invaluable. He was someone I could ask ANYTHING to and I got a level-headed, objective answer. He didn't care if I disagreed, but I wanted to know. You need a straight-shooter (so to speak), someone who will level with you, guide you, be patient with you, and give you the straight poop.

Good luck!

 

[Scottyboi]

3) Is gay sex painful? Does it get enjoyable? Never done anything like that and got to admit really nervous?

4) What are the main forms of foreplay that will make it easier for me?

5) How can I prepare for gay sex?

not allowed to edit so here is the rest

3) I haven't bottomed but I've heard people say to try using a Dildo for awhile if your thinking of it, use lots of lube til u think uv used enough and then use more anyways, I've heard it often that its good and there are enough strictly bottoms out there for me to believe it, just relax and take it slow. I'm planning to bottom for he first time soon so I understand the nerves =).

4) can't help ya here sorry

5) go to the health forum below this one and ask this question/look for the stickied thread on the topic.

 

[Chickenarise]

1) Personally, i think the clubby bars are more annoying than anything, with way too many guys just tryin to get you to go home with them (although to be fair, my boyfriend is a guy i ended up going home with at a club lol). Ive also been to some that are more laid back and kinda like pool halls. More my scene . Basically, you can find a gay bar that is just like any nongay bar.

2) I wont go and say that looks arent important, but guys that are clearly into partyin and just having a good time always make more of an impression on me at least .

3) Ive only bottomed. Mainly cause i love it. Before I ever hooked up, i played around with dildos but nothing crazy, guess i was just lucky that it never really hurt for me (although my first was nice and slow ) So in my opinion, not painful and always enjoyable. To each their own, and i totally get the nervousness.

4) I agree with dhchitown on what he considers hot foreplay. Rimming is fun, fingering.....meh...but "For me, the hotter the foreplay... which is everything from the sexting, to the face-to-face flirting over dinner, to the hand holding to the eye contact, to the inuendos, to the kissing, to the oral is foreplay for me. " agreed

5) See dfchitown's response

Anyways, grats on comin out dude. Have fun, be safe, and have fun . I came out about 2 years ago, and to be fair i still dont have a good idea of the gay scene lol. The only difference between before i came out and after i came out is a) everyone knows im gay and b) i have a boyfriend. Went to gay bars a bunch right after i came out (my friends gf's were just so excited) but kinda got sick of it. probably wasnt going to the right places.

dhchitown, gotta ask, "Near me, I've got a selection of bars that are just for hanging out having drinks, some that have dance floors, one bar is more sports-bar like, and then your run-of-the-mill dive bar." name the sports bar like one. Ive lived in the chicago land area my entire life, and am moving into the city next week. Im not in chicago too often, so my experience is incredibly limited by lack of being there and lack of people that know the area. Berlin (super lame), hydrate (ugh), cocktail (no thanks). Basically all that anyone i know around there wanna go to lol. I usually give up and just go back to wrigleyville.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Hey there chickenarise.... The sports bar is DS Tequila - it opened last year around pride weekend. It's right next door to Roscoes. They've got tons of TVs and always have on the big games. It's a good time.... make conversation with the bartenders.... most are very friendly!

 

[Chickenarise]

Ah thanks man! Been to Roscoes and only about a mile from my new place . gonna have to make my way over there sometime.

 

[Mango1]

Wow Ok, huge responce Thanks everyone for all your comments and help

I probably should have added I live in the United Kindom, but I guess several things are the same with bars in england as they are in america. But the main question Im still clueless about is

How can I be prepared for my first time (you know with anal sex) How can i start small and stuff?


Thank you so much guys x

 

[Mango1]

Anybody can help?

 

[Seasoned]

The best way is to start playing with your hole, or keep playing with it and find a guy that's willing to take it slow. Condoms only!! It doesn't have to be a wild fuck the first time. Just getting fucked with the head can be fun if both guys are into it.

 

[TNniceguy]

I've had a couple of different experiences with the bar scene. My favorites are the ones that are like a neighborhood bar for gay folks. I don't drink so I just stand around sipping on my little diet coke and watching the video music. The other bars are much different and are cruise bars. I don't care for them. I was in one in New Orleans once and there was a pool table in the back room. Needless to say, the poor pool table has probably never had a real game of pool played on it.

My advice is to go to a few of the bars with little or no expectations. If it isn't your thing or if you feel uncomfortable, leave. Trust your instincts.

 

[mbamike]

I have never been to a gay bar, so I can't answer those questions. However, I have had gay sex with several guys.

No, gay sex does not have to be painful. I am always the bottom and knew I wanted to bottom from the beginning. I read everything I could on the subject and prepared myself to bottom.

In particular, I practiced using dildoes and wore a buttplug around the house until I could wear it comfortably for a couple of hours. I learned how to be clean inside and out. Practicing with dildoes will help you figure out if you need to douche or not.

For me, foreplay includes kissing, cuddling, rimming, and sucking cock, both giving and receiving.

 

[Mango1]

I have to admit I am quite nervous to practice using toys and stuff. I have never done anything downstairs or tried anything, and not sure how I will react. I think im scared I wont like the feeling at all and will feel uncomftable and just experince pain, even by myself. Any other advice about practising?

Thanks

 

[dhchitown1984]

It's a different experience.... you will experience some discomfort, but you have to remember that it's always been an "exit path" for you, you've never used it in reverse. I'm going to try to be as descriptive and polite at the same time, so here we go.

You don't have to use some 6" thick Dildo to get started. Simply playing around is enough to start.... and play around on the outside.... spend some time just rubbing a finger over your hole, and then with a little bit of lubricant, slide a finger in, slowly. Move it in until you're comfortable, and then move it around a bit. After a while, slide two fingers in, then three, until you're comfortable, and move on from there.

Personally, I used a but plug before I used a Dildo I wasn't so much hesitant about putting anything "into" me as much as what would happen once it was inside... because, well, I couldn't picture what was happening. A but plug will allow you to work out your insides while the base of the but plug creates a sort of base and stopping point so you now things can only go so far. Look around online, there are Training Kits that have variable sizes of but plug in one set. Once you're comfortable, work up to a Dildo or a vibrator. I found a vibrator worked better for me because the vibrator kept things "moving" and I found it to be easier to move in/around.