Newly Gay in Phoenix, AZ

[mexamor]

Congratulations to you for being able to come out and feeling so much support. There is no rush to get laid but seeing as you are so horney and really want to I can see your urgency. You could just date some guys and jerk each other off too. so you don't feel so much tension. This guy you talk about sounds like a wise man to not want to hurt you. Good luck.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Welcum to JUB and congratulations. There are guys on here from Phoenix, just like the poster above me. There are plenty of other "dating" sites too where you can type in your town and see and read about guys you might want to meet.

Welcom again and good luck. It does seem like this older guy is interested in you and does not want to hurt you.

 

[psychobandit]

Welcome. You've come to a good place for friends and advice, there are a lot of great people on these boards!

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Quanchi,

Welcome to JUB mate...its great to have you on board!

And congratulations on your strength and courage to come out...that says a lot about you! Dont worry about thinking that you were an extreme case...I think a fair few of us did what you were doing... but you've had the wisdom to admit to yourself...to show yourself the love and respect the you deserve by being honest.

Mate dont panic or rush into getting laid. Sure it can be a special moment but that s just the point...its a special moment. Being horny can be a blessing and a curse...but dont let it diminish who you are, what your values are and what you believe in. You've progressed so quickly it must seem like your a kid in a candy store now...but give yourself a chance to find someone special...who will respect you and value you. Theres no need to take any port in a storm...you want this to be a special memorable time for all the right reasons not the wrong ones.

The next short while will provide you will chances and opportunities that you never thought existed. Take your time, enjoy the ride and the freedom.

But most of all seek the love and companionship you deserve to make your first time an incredible time.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to the other side, Quanchi! It does feel better over here, doesn't it?

I'd echo the sentiments laid out above. Getting laid is easy. Getting laid WELL isn't. The first time is something special, and it's best if you can find someone who will take their time and do it right. No rush - you've got porn and two functioning hands.

Welcome to JUB!

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

Since he hasn't announced whether or not he'll do it, there's no harm in continuing to look. You might find someone else whose more suitable, and who is perhaps more willing to be your first. If not, and the other guy comes around, fine - go for it.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Sometimes a rose is a rose is a rose and sometimes a cigar is just a good smoke. I know that I didn't agonize over whether the first guy that fucked me would be perfect and certainly didn't end up feeling like I needed a lifetime relationship as a result, although I did moon over him for a few weeks. He also was older than I and was pretty good in bed, although I certainly found far better.

If he's squeamish, no biggie, just hook up with someone else, but I think he sounds like as good a choice as any to massage your prostate.

 

[moonybig]

hi welcome to jub


there is much more i can say that hasnt been said but as others have siad you should try and look around more good luck hope things work out for you

 

[tallguy297]

Hey mate,

But I said before, we can't have a serious relationship. I would like that, but it would just be way too hard.

This is really really important....this is what you would like...this sounds like the calm, rational, logical and compassionate guy that you are... the real, inside you. This sounds like what you dream about...care about.

The more I think about it, the more sure I am I want him to be my first. But still hasn't gave me a final answer about being my first, but we'll get to eventually fuck.

This part sounds like a horny 20 year old!!! And maybe someone who's so keen to get laid he's thinking that any port in a storm will do...

So here's the big question: Should I be patient and wait for him? Or should I try finding someone else?

Quanchi...only you can answer that...and I think that you;re more than capable of it too. If you really believe that this guy is the right guy, if you think that you can go into a situation where knowing that its not going to be a relationship or that you dont believe that theres a long term future in it, have some fun and be able to walk away satisfied...not craving for more nursing a broken heart...then go for it. No one here will think any less of you.

All I can tell you is this. Sometimes its very hard to walk away from someone you bare your soul too. I'm sure that this guy is a nice guy...you dont seem like someone who would settle for anyone. But I really get the impression you want more than a fling...and thats ok. But mate...with this guy, thats all it can ever be.

Your heart cant control who it falls for...and sometimes it can override (with the help of our little heads) the logic of our big heads.

But you need to ask yourself if a quick fling is worth an unfufilled emotional attchement... because we also cant control the way our heart breaks.

You deserve it all mate. You deserve fulfilment on all levels, love, respect and passion. Always remember that. And maybe it'll take a little time to find someone who meets all those needs. But they are your needs...and they are valuable to you. They aren't something you should compromise.

Whatever decision you make, it'll be informed, you'll know the risks. Be it with this guy or not I know that it'll be what you want. Believe in your choices and decisions..they are the right ones for you and thats all that matters.

 

[glo-unit]

Hey Quanchi, as a fellow Phoenician I'd like to welcome you to JUB.

 

[tallguy297]

Mate... your last post is brilliant.

You know the "issues" you know the benefits...and thats all you can ever ask for. We all have to take chances and risks in life...its just better when we can see both sides.
You can and do...thats pretty powerful...you get to make good choices when you know the information.

Go with your heart. Do what feels right for you. Theres no right or wrong way to do this...just let things happen. No one will judge you for the decision you make... it will will never be the right or wrong one. It will just be a step, part of discovering who you are what you want and what you love.

Enjoy the ride no matter where it takes you. Do it safely, wisely and with a grin on your face. Dont compromise or take silly chances...you're too important for that. Just live your life fully and with pride, like you are.

Its great to see!

 

[bluedragon4]

I have to say most everyones first is the worst! Mine was also with an older guy when I was 18(not counting my male cousin) and it was just awful! My second time was no better and I learned to leave the older guys to someone else cause I was not ready for them.But if you have feeling for this guy and are not really expecting much than why not?Do you know other guys? I also live in Phoenix(which you know cause I wrote you) and there is a shit load of gay guys around. I know you are on myspace so do a random search of guys around you in the age group you are looking for. But you sound really really horny so you might wanna head over to the Castle Boutique and pick up a little toy.

 

[Eagle653]

Hi Quanchi, I can't add to the excellent comments that's been given, but I wanted to pop in here and welcome you to JUB and to this forum. It's good to have you here. Congratulations on coming out, especially insofar as how deeply into the closet you apparently were. I'm glad you're feeling better about yourself and reaching out to make friends and attract a partner.

Best to you always. Hope you keep us up to date on developments!

Welcome, again!

 

[drhladnjak]

Sure, it's the first time you have sex, but I'd say it's best to not get your hopes up too high. It's highly unlikely that the first guy you have sex with will be the only one for the rest of your life. It's also highly unlikely that it will be "perfect". It's better to approach your first time as an opportunity to explore with somebody you're comfortable with. There's no reason to rush out or to wait for Mr. Perfect. Go with a guy you find attractive who's into you and who you're comfortable with, then go from there.

While the first time is usually not the best (and how depressing would that be to have nowhere to go but down anyways?), there's no reason it can't be good. My first time was with this hot friend of a friend. It was genuinely good sex even looking back on it with my standards today.

You're only 20--explore some before settling down with the first guy who comes along!

Also, remember that having receptive anal sex (bottoming) is not the end-all be-all of gay sex. There's no reason not to start with mutual masturbation or oral sex (and if you've done that already--I'm sorry you're not a virgin IMHO) before working up to anal. I know several long time gay couples that don't even do anal at all. I'm not sure why people today think that only anal and vaginal sex are real sex.