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Newly Out - Is it always like this!?

downright

downright

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I love the JUB forum, and have read the posts on here since it started, and now I have moved forward with my life I want to share / ask for some guidance!

I have recently come out, after 14 years of hiding away I have decided that it is who I am and that who I am is enough - I shouldn't pretend anymore!!

I am not one for one night stands, I have done it before, and not enjoyed it - so I decided to go on a dating site and connected with a guy who seemed nice on emails, text and then on the phone - and the first date went well - but then the second was just something else! We were in London going round some of the bars, and when we went into another one - we both needed the loo and headed there first (separately! lol!) then I waited in the bar, got some drinks, and waited, and waited, and he was no where! He did say that he needed to call a friend and so I presumed that was where he was! I then got a phone call from him asking me where I was, and when we met a couple of minutes later he was totally distressed about the mishap and from there I noticed how obsessive he had been about me, making sure I was always there with him, holding my hand - dragging me to various bars...

The night went on, and he become quite drunk, and then I noticed how rude he was to people - it just started to really depress me! What happened to the nice guy from the night before! lol! I did end up going back to his house, as we were going to get some food on the way home, when I just realised that it was not going to happen, and when he fell asleep on me - I woke him up saying I had to go - and went home! Took me about 3 hours to do that, but I couldn't stay at his!

I am not sure if I was expecting too much, and will live and learn by the dates that I go on - but I am hoping that they aren't all going to be like this! lol!!

Thanks for taking the time to read, and Id appreciate any comments / advice on the next time! lol!
 
He apparently had some major insecurities. Once he had it in your head that you might "leave him" (in the middle of a date), he got extremely possessive of you for the rest of the night. Nothing you can really do except point out that you're not enjoying it. After the date, you send him an e-mail, or call him - tell him you think he's a nice guy, but you found his possessiveness very problematic, and you've decided not to pursue the relationship.

My friend once joked that he had given up finding a perfect woman - "Now I just want someone whose baggage goes well with mine." And there's something to that. There's probably a guy out there who would really be flattered or turned on by someone being clingy. That's the right guy for him. You're not it. :)

Lex
 
downright said:
I am not sure if I was expecting too much, and will live and learn by the dates that I go on - but I am hoping that they aren't all going to be like this! lol!!
Click to expand...

As the saying goes, to find a prince, you have to kiss a few frogs.

You went out with someone who has a drinking problem. That's not exclusive to the gay world, unfortunately.

Strike one. Now get back out there and try again.
 
It could have been worse. You could have been drugged, gang raped and left unconscious naked by a dumpster.
 
Hey everyone, thanks for the support - its been great to read everyones comments!

One thing has struck me, I am going to have to go through the whole kissing frogs stage! I have always thought, I will just find the one and thats it - I did not plan on kissing frogs, but I guess I will learn from those times, and be a better person for it!

One thing that I learnt from this weekend was that I was comfortable in the gay bars of london - and that there was always something missing when I went to the straight bars! lol! This weekend has probably given me the confidence to go there again and enjoy the night properly!!

brett21852020 said:
I need a bit of clarification. I'm confused about why you think that he's obsessive just because he was distressed that the two of you were inadvertently separated for what seems like quite a while during your date.
Click to expand...

Just to clarify, he was the obbessive type before we got mixed up in the last bar... he was telling me where to stand and leading me by the hand to different areas of the bars - I didn't pick up on it as it happened - but afterwards I noticed that was what was happening!! Also, the separation was only 10 mins, if that - then he did leave me on my own while he spoke to a friend.

Thanks again, and look forward to reading any more posts!!

JUB Rocks (!)
 
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