Newly single at 51

[Duckpuddle]

Hi gents. This is my first post on this forum. It seems like a lively place; I hope to spend some time here. Here is my story:

After a nice 15 year long relationship, the last 7 legally married here in Massachusetts, my husband decided to divorce and move to San Francisco. I'm still here in Boston with the house and the dogs. Its actually more complicated than that, but here is my query:

When I was last single, I was 35. Now I'm 18 days shy of 52. It seems that being single, gay, and over 50 is a harder marketing job.

I suppose the same advice would work for me as it does for someone just coming out: be me, be honest, be open, just be. Okay, but what suggestions do you have for meeting other gay men? The grindr, manhunt, thing is a bit too frivolous and one-night-standish for me. Or is that what one does to find men in the 21st century?

 

[glorff]

That would depend on what you are looking for, but I will assume from your post that you are looking for someone like you. I would start with community service organizations that have volunteers and see who you meet. Beats the hell out of bars with young barflies or places populated with horny old trolls.

Your friends will also start introducing you around and who knows what they will dredge up.

Go out and have fun doing what you like to do or would like to try and who knows who you will meet. It may not be who you meet there, but who they introduce you to.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to JUB.

I'm sorry to learn of your divorce but happy to hear you have the stability of your home and pets. My first piece of advice is to make one of your rooms yours, new color, new furniture, new decorations, etc. Have a retreat for yourself.

Next, do things like joining joining a gay group or find an activity that stereotypically attracts gay men like an opera guild, or community theater to work backstage if you're not into acting. In other words, get out and be active. There might be interests you gave up because of your relationship.

The hook ups might work here and there but if you are looking to date and find someone to share your life with I think you get involved in things that interest you outside your home.

I wish you the best of everything. I'm 65 and in a relationship for 28 years. Feel free to message me.

 

[Namebirthdate]

Please don't buy into mainstream societies view of attraction. There are plenty of men out there who find older men of all kinds attractive (both young and old). It always pains me to see how youth-oriented and vain homosexual groups can be. All this concern of penis length, width, body fat, height, hair, muscle... It's really off putting, even as a 19 year old male. Just not for me, I suppose.

I am sorry to hear about your divorce. I hope you find the energy/desire to get out there and find a new partner. On the bright side, not another moment will be spared being committed to a husband that is not committed to you. I know you can't choose who you love or how you do and I am sorry for that. I hope you take the transition in stride.

As for dating... I probably am not the best advice giver on this. I haven't even been inside a gay bar. In my experience, Craigslist CAN work just be aware it takes a good bit of filtering. You could also look into paid dating sites which theoretically could do the filterng for you.

Ultimately, I think the best way would be to engage yourself in many hobbies that you enjoy. Make new friends there and see how it goes. I know it isn't a straight shot to a romantic partner but you can find friends, which are invaluable.

 

[Duckpuddle]

This is a refreshing site. Thanks for the responses. You all are telling me what I need to hear, and what I want to hear. Poking around and reading this and other posts, I realize that living in the metro Boston area affords me many opportunities for meeting other gay men. Thanks for that, and thanks for the kick in the pants.

I've had good relationships, including this past one. Each time I have another one, it gets better. I'm truer to myself and end up with a better partner than the one before.

I guess what bums me out it that I can't just got to the catalog and say, oh that one please, here is my credit card, can I get overnight delivery? I actually have to do the work to put myself out there, accept the possibility of rejection, and, probably more importantly, do some filtering on my own.

What I'm realizing is that the social scene is only overtly superficial and attraction based on the surface. That only matters if I let it. When I was 22 and cruising the bars of Washington, D.C., I wasn't a poser, why should I even be thinking of competing in that arena 30 years later?

Thanks again. This is a great site, I hope to contribute more in the future. It is refreshing to find a cyberplace with real men interested in real conversation.

p.s. Heathcliff, whatcha doing on Saturday night?

 

[neditesjamais]

This is a refreshing site. Thanks for the responses. You all are telling me what I need to hear, and what I want to hear.

Yes, that's certainly been the best part of joining JUB. I check in often just to make sure I'm not the only one going crazy--or whatever. But I think you'll be fine because you have a great sense of humor. And who doesn't love that?

I guess what bums me out it that I can't just got to the catalog and say, oh that one please, here is my credit card, can I get overnight delivery?

I'm with you there. And surely there's some entrepreneur on here who could make this little enterprise a reality for us?

p.s. Heathcliff, whatcha doing on Saturday night?

See? You really do know how to do this.

ned

 

[Blueboy369]

If you live in the Boston area, you'll be fine. Don't look at it like you have to compete. Just be the best version of yourself that you can be. Some moderate excersize, jumping jacks and push ups, will get your blood flowing and give you that extra confidence that will shine through. Do some shopping. you don't have to wear skinny jeans, but make sure you get a pair that fit a little better. Guys, straight and gay, are wearing clothes that fit better as apposed to some thing to big or baggy. Try a new hair style. Men who have thinning hair can look 10 years younger by just buzzing their hair really short and combing it forward instead of back. Eat better, snack less. Listen to your favorite music. Go for a walk. Before you know it you'll make new friends. Be thankful for what you have. Enjoy living!

 

[yourson]

Whenever you're in Chicago, let me know. You're my kind of guy

 

[swerve]

I cannot add anything that hasn't already been said...

I suspect that over time you'll get to know some of the members here that ALSO live in the Boston area -- there are QUITE a FEW!!!

All I REALLY wanted to say was...

WELCOME TO JUB!!!